Monday, 31 December 2012

Do You Even Lift?

Why are the majority of our ulema, brothers, shuyookh, sisters overweight? Too many somosa chaat's I think. I don't blame them, they're bloody nice.

The messenger of Allah (saw) fought all the battles over 40 years old. He participated in at least 17 major battles. Carrying thick, heavy armour in scorching heat of around 40 degrees, up and down mountains, fighting with the sahabah's.

Imagine at the battle of badr; Rasoolallah (saw), Hamza ibn abd al-mutallib, Ali ibn abi talib, Umar ibn al-khattab on the front line as the commanders of their divisions. Can you imagine a side shot of them lining up. I for one certainly don't see them with bellies spilling over.

If we don't look after the amaanah that Allah has entrusted us with, we will become lazy and fall sooner than we should. We will breed a generation of inactive, couch lovin' children.

Strength, discipline goes hand in hand with imaan and taqwa. These are the qualities of all our prophets.

The majority of sisters I've pursued don't look after themselves physically. Why?! The majority of cities have female only gyms. Many use it as an excuse that they don't have one near them. You can exercise at home and simply watch what you eat. Some are gifted with attractive and slender bodies but that's not an excuse not to make an active effort in keeping fit. It's not just about the appearance.

Please don't comment with it's in your heart bakwaas. This needs to stop. And it starts with us.

Training builds discipline and discipline is what we should all strive for.

What do you do to keep fit? Are you in the process of making any changes or have you made any changes?

Sunday, 30 December 2012

Post Surah Ar-Rahman


I had an opportunity to speak to brother Nouman and I have nothing but love and duas for this dear brother. I asked him a question, he looked at me and he smiled. "I'm going to answer your question, bear with me." 2 hours later towards the end of Surah Ar-Rahman Nouman looked at me and spent 10 minutes answering my question.

Allah was talking to me. He showed me in infinite ways that he is Ar-Rahman. The most glorious, who needs no praise from any creation.

I guess I always did have the tools to achieve my goals but the master piece, the final push it was always there. I just never caught it.

It was all about baraka. Goodness with a greater return than expected. What name is injected with baraka?

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

That's all I ever needed. To truly understand it.

Monday, 24 December 2012

Surah Ar-Rahman Tafsir - NAK @ Birmingham 29th Dec 2012

Surah Ar-Rahman is one of my favourite Surah's in the qur'an. It's stonkingly good! I have a beautiful memory of Sheikh Salah-Al Budair killing it for Fajr in Madinah Aug '10.

For the good times..

Nouman Ali Khan is coming the UK and he'll be covering it (albeit a succinct 5 hours). to enroll.

I'll be the fine looking desi guy at the front.

Catch you there!

Friday, 21 December 2012

The Aftermath

In light of the half glass full approach, I thought I'd share something.

Remember I went for Umrah 2 years ago for 6 weeks? The old folks I was looking after? I'm not sure what exactly happened but I had some shoulder pain whilst I was there. Upon returning, I got back in to serious competitive sports. Cleaning and pressing over 110KG at a light bodyweight, it reopened an injury. I stopped serious shoulder training and I visited the doctors. I was fobbed off several times. I got an x-ray some months back and it turns out I cracked my ACJ and I was showing signs of Acromioclavicular Joint Arthritis.

I spoke with the consultant it sounded a lot scarier than I thought it was. The way she put it across was that it's degenerative, so it could get worse if I don't opt for surgery.

I returned to work after my father's death  and after about 5 weeks in Mid- October, I opted for surgery. The surgery involved in excision (shaving) of the cracked bone. It ended up being a lot more painful than I imagined. I was bed bound for 2 weeks and forced off work/life for 5 weeks.

I returned to work on Monday a few weeks back. On Wednesday, I was informed that I would have the good 'ol return to work procedure. Before being called in, whilst  walking to the glass board room, I noticed the MD was sitting in. Odd.

The MD is also a full time politician for Labour, he has a nack with putting things across, as politicians do. Urgh.

I walked in and took a seat. "Right, there's no easy way to say this any other way but I'll just say it.. You will no longer be working with us." There was a part in of me waiting for him to say "ta-dahhh" I'm strange like that.

 There was nothing to suggest anything like that would happen. I have a quality track record. No redundancy, nada, nothing, finito.

"Do you have any questions?" he asked. I responded with "nope".

"I can't even begin to imagine what you've been through recently but I can assure you that you will have excellent references. You're very talented and you will do very well" He said.

My supervisor stepped in "do you need some time to let things sink in?" "I'm fine, when do I finish?" I asked. We talked and I agreed to finish on Friday. "How would you like to inform everyone?" The MD asked. "Call them here." I said.

He explained to everyone that things weren't going great and they were downsizing but because of my developments they would want me in as soon as their financial situation changed as the company needed to focus on other things. No one had anything to say other than looks of sorrow.

I don't think he was honest with me.

But half glass full. Na'am? 

Half Glass Full

Right, so we have this expression for optimism (half full) and pessimism (half empty).

I think Muslims have a real positivity problem. Actually not just Muslims but humans in general. Even when we're perfectly good we're so used to saying we're 'not bad' or 'could be better'. Ya'ani, what's going on? Heck, even I am embarrassed at myself for being so grumpy most of the time despite the fact that I rarely feel pessimistic and certainly have very few confidence issues. I try my best to be positive because surely happiness, a smile and giving positive vibes is something which is seen and expressed and transmitted to those around you in your manner and character and speech. It's Sunnah to smile for a reason folks.

Allah tells us in the qur'an that he wants us to be 'half-glass full' kinda folks. I was scrawling though my tafsir notes and this has been on my mind lately.

I love the versatility of the Qur'an, the lessons and understanding are purely limited by insaan. Let's take a look at this ayah:

"Remember (O Prophet (saw)) when Allah made you see them in your sleep as few: if He had shown them to you all as many, you would certainly have lost heart and argued about it, but Allah saved you." [8:45]

Okay lets put aside the specific reasons of revelation aside for a moment, which in Al-Anfal (spoils of war) this ayah happens to be about the battle of badr and being seriously out numbered by the mushriks. Lets read into the understanding behind the words. The message is: 'Listen up, these dudes have a serious army coming your way. So bloody what?! They ain't nothing compared to you guys. Go for it and don't look back!'

Allah explains in the verse is that if He had shown all the believers the true numbers and strength of the enemy, they would have started to doubt themselves and get anxious, nervous, and be divided. If you look at half a glass of water and think of nothing but what you've missed out on, you'll achieve nothing but misery and be wasting your time. But if you see opportunity, hope and happiness in whatever is in front of you, be it a half a glass of water or just a difficult, what seems irretrievable situation, then your positivity will bring you results that you can never have imagined.

There so much negative vibes in the air and around but it's not hard to see why - We're surrounded by negativity 24/7: Poverty, war, hijaab banned, war, OMG don't let the American shooter be a Muslim, poverty, dude just killed his daughter for marrying outside caste, war, terrorism, OMG he's that 'kind' of muslim, haraam police, ramadhaan and eid moon fitnah, beard police, war, famine etc.

The prophet (saw) was an incredibly positive man. Y'all know what happened in ta'if. At times when the sahabah's saw things as 'half-glass empty' the prophet remained to see it as 'half-glass full'. He saw opportunity when others saw disaster. History bears witness to how the prophet's positivity has changed the world forever. Me, you.. Makkah we're all a part of that. Epic legacy.

In life, when the odds seem insanely stacked up against you - You're in control. Leaders are created under these circumstances. Going back to my father's death, when everyone thought this was it, I made the challenge manageable in their eyes even though I was struggling myself. We've gotta make the mountain ahead just a series of small paths and slopes. Make those under feel bigger and better than they are, then the chances are that your people will surprise you and surprise themselves as well. This is what the prophet did and he is the best of examples.

Listen up, you know how Allah made the enemy look few? The believers went and smashed it. They destroyed hardship. When you're put up with an insane bunch of problems - go and smash that badboy 'cause you have Allah on your side.

He promises you that he will not burden you with what you cannot bear.

The Burial

Mid July and it was a warm and sunny day in sunny England. I rushed to the masjid and I entered ghusl room to wash my father.

The room was dark and dingy. To the right there was a small kitchen unit with buckets and jugs, the floor was made from beige tiles and the walls were aged. There was a steel station to load the body on which was slapped in the centre of this small room. Something about this room felt awfully cold.

It had been a long time since me and all my brothers were together. It took a death for us to be here.

I removed my thawb and I put some latex gloves. I aligned the steel station to load the body on, we all proceeded to lift the body on my count. When I lifted my father, the remains of blood from the post-mortem ran across my arms. It ran across my arms because I was lifting the core of the body, my brothers were in some other place on the edges. Blank faces across all of them, they were afraid and unsure what to do. I too felt afraid. Although I was the youngest of all my siblings, I had to step up and stay there.

I walked over to the sink and I washed the blood off my skin. I looked at my brothers and I told them "It is our opportunity to cleanse our father. Our last moment in privacy. This is our time now to spend with dad, lets make the most of it."

I lead the ghusl. I can't quite explain this now but there is something strangely peaceful and intimate about preparing your loved father for his journey.
After the janazah, we arrived to the graveyard. We lowered the coffin down. As the most physically abled, I went down alone. Although there were over a hundred people talking and some giving instruction, I zoned out and felt nothing but silence. Time slowed down. "His journey is about to begin" I thought.

I was brought back to reality when the large concrete slabs were being passed to me. I covered all the gaps and I climbed out in my bare white socks or what remained of them.   

The burial began. I ensured every attendee participated. Ajar and a reminder all round. 

In times of death and discomfort families come together to seek comfort, console and help one another. In theory that's what should happen. Ours happened to cause us grief, lie, spread fitna and make it the worst possible experience for us. I've never come across so many wretched vultures in one day. May Allah save us all from such people.

Our people are bent on following their forefathers which happens to have bidah, kufr and shirk. Have we not learnt any lessons from the qur'an?

Pakistani folks are ya'aani.. crazy.

Alhamdulillah, I'm one of them.  

Tuesday, 7 August 2012

When One Life Ends Another Life Begins

The last 3 weeks of my life have been surreal. I've always believed that the direction of my life and my purpose has always been shaped by the events that I have been surrounded and tested with. Regardless of the situation, I will always strive towards the truth and stand by Allah to the best of my abilities. I'm prepared to face the consequences. I yearn for success. Jannah.  


Patterned bright light. That's how my blinds look at 7:30am on a fine British morning. The best feeling is when you wake up naturally. The worst feeling is when you wake up to hearing your mother's voice trembling.

The first time I heard that voice was when my mother had an accident 9 years ago, she woke me up crying for help. The second time I heard that voice was when all this started. I woke up to hearing my mother distraught, informing me that my grandmother had passed away. My eyes jolted open and the only words I mumbled out were "Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'oon". I got up and I ran downstairs, after exchanging a few words my mother left.

My grandmother was Dad's aunt but she is what I believe a real grandmother would represent. She brought my father to this country in the 1950's and she raised my father as her own. She taught my mother everything she knew, she was her companion. She would support my mother through hardship and she was the light of the community. She was a fantastic human being. Those that are in the service of helping others. She was always present throughout my whole life, we did Umrah 10 years ago and she only lived 4 doors away.

Cancer. Seeing cancer kill somebody before your very eyes over 3 months was just something nobody could take lightly.

I informed my siblings. Everyone was devastated. I'm the youngest of the 6 siblings. My eldest is 21 years older than me. My sister lives the furthest out, she called me and told she informed work she wouldn't be in today. I remember just lying on my bed for what seemed to be seconds but turned out to be closer to an hour, contemplating on the qadr of Allah. I heard my father, I went downstairs to have a chat with him. He talked of all that she did for him, a real upset. He continued and did what dad always does, he asked me if I was okay along with my car and everything else. We both left the house together and we were amongst hundreds on the street. Everybody was directed towards the masjid. I told my father I'd meet him there, I took upon myself to go and clean our second living room, should they need our house to seat guests.

I started working through a huge workload of laundry. I was lost in my thoughts. I scattered over a months worth of clothing, a serious amount to get through.

Working through the clothes I heard the door knock loudly. "It must be another parcel" I thought. Although whilst walking down the stairs I couldn't quite remember buying ordering anything. The knocking got louder as I approached the door. I turned the key and swung open the door. What I saw in front of me.. didn't quite make sense.

It was my brother, my father and one of the neighbours. I saw arms on top of each other but I couldn't make out what was happening.

"Call the damn ambulance, now" my brother yelled. Without a second thought I lept up 3 steps at a time to grab my mobile from my bedroom. Whilst calling 999, I had no idea who it was for and what it was for. Whilst on the phone, I was put through to an ambulance.

The neighbour told me something was wrong with my father. We sat my father down and on the phone I went through my fathers background, and his medical history. I was asked to reassure my father. That, I did. Soon after, my father was touching his chest. His body was awfully cold but he was sweating. He was having a heart attack. The neighbour and brother ran me through what had happened.

Dad was walking back from the masjid, my brother was driving and he happened to see my father. So he parked up and thought he would quickly catch up with dad. He turned the corner and he couldn't see him. "Strange" he thought. So he continued walking forth, he then saw somebody at the corner of his eye. It was dad and he fumbling into somebody's garden.

The paramedic arrived just after the ambulance. They loaded my father up and took him inside the ambulance. We all stood outside for 10 minutes. Stood there motionless, the only thing I could do was dua. Hundreds of cars were packed up from the death, the road road was blocked. As the ambulance door opened, I went inside to accompany my father. One of the paramedics mentioned a coffin being taken. "That's my grandmother" I said. The team of paramedics just looked at me with my father lying down. "That's awful" one said.

Little did I know what was to pursue would be the longest few days of my life.

We got to the hospital and I sat by my father. I was hopeful because my father has always been phenomenally strong. That's all I've known him to be. I assured him everything was be alright. He looked at me and he said "not this time". "Dad, trust in Allah, we're going to be walking out of here soon". I genuinely believed that. A heart surgeon came and he gave me a prognosis.

After a few hours hours, doctors had gathered. It was messy, I saw a lot of blood. I was asked to return in a short while, by that time my family had arrived. My sisters were in tears and the rest were distraught. We waited and we waited. Nobody would tell us anything. A family friend used to be a senior doctor there, he came within minutes of being called. After being in the dark, a doctor came with the brother he explained to us that our father went into cardiac arrest. They managed to revive him with some adrenaline. He explained to us that our father is very sick. The only chance they had at making my father better was to use a stent. Using this stent there would be a chance of pumping more blood to the heart. They put him asleep so his heart wouldn't have to work as hard.

A few more hours his health was deteriorating rather quickly. After having a briefing with the senior surgeon, it was then that it home, that my father could no longer keep up with the world.

It's a strange feeling when you cry for the first time in your life. And there's something odd about seeing the floor move whilst you're sane. Mr P came to the hospital, he comforted me and he did this amazing thing. He told me that now was my turn the shine.

10 hours had elapsed with dad in this state and I saw my siblings crumble in front of me. Grown, mature, family men and women having breakdowns. We all had a strong relationship with our father. It was too much to bare. I had never seen my siblings in this state.

I'm not sure where this courage came from but I stepped up. I sat down with each one of my siblings, I comforted them, explained the situation, prepared them and explained how we could benefit dad. Some were easier than others but after spending the whole night and the following hours, I got through to them. I then proceeded to start making the necessary arrangements for the worst, should that happen.

I went to make fresh wudu. I then lead in front of friends and family as the sole reciter of the qur'an. Some joined suit as you soon come to realise that there no real words of comfort in this state. I realised it took an immense amount of strength to stand there and do this for all of us, especially my mother. By midnight, we had an immense number of visitors. The whole community was there.

I forced my siblings to eat and get a couple of hours of sleep. I didn't eat nor did I sleep. At 5am by my fathers bed, I felt low on energy. My neck was cranking sideways a nurse managed to slip a pillow under there. I was on the verge of falling asleep until I felt my phone vibrating.

For the last 7 months I was pursuing a suitor, I can say with conviction I gave this one my all. She was unaware of what was going on. She dropped a barrage of texts, clearly had a lot on her mind. As we were not in touch for a while. You see, we decided we wanted to marry but there were some obstacles in place. We mutually discussed that Islamically it would be best for us not to talk idly as we had already invested a serious amount of time, effort take make a decision.

Anyhow, she wanted to end things. She requested to talk to me but I was no in position to talk. So it happened over text. It was a giant confused block of text. She attempted to explain how me waiting for her is unfair and she couldn't do this to me. She thought she would saving me the heart ache by walking away. She also felt that I offered more than what she believed she offered in return. I was unaware at this time that her family had been causing her grief.

I responded by informing her what had happened. And I told her that I understood her position and gave my salaams. Just like that. I invested in her so dearly and I let her leave because right now, I had much more important things on my mind. 

Watching the man you love and respect die before your eyes is soul destroying and heart breaking. Then to have the remaining pieces walked on by your fiancé. That was heavy.

After sending two of my siblings home to their families. I picked up the qur'an and I continued reciting for a short while. 

I stopped and I thought "Alhamdulillah. Qadr... This is qadr. And this is just another test. My imaan is increasing."

Being the youngest of my 6 siblings, I've had to rally and keep everyone real strong especially my mother. Everybody was feeling stronger, they said I picked them all up. But there was nobody to pick me up. In this midst of all this chaos our cousins were plotting and planning.

Little did I know that 5 hours later, my father would die.

To be continued..

Sunday, 5 August 2012

Smashing Hardship On The Nose

During your lifetime, you will recall moments of joy, happiness and laughter.

Then there will be moments of sadness, grief, oppression and corruption.

Fortunately for me, I'm challenged with a barrage of upsets in my life. Things have gone from bad to worse. It's tricky.

Misfortune is a moment of fortune. It builds character and it elevates your status in Jannah. 

A lot has happened and I need some perspective. I'm hoping that writing will open something up for me as I attempt to saviour the remaining few days of Ramadan. Allah is my only hope. Now is my moment to shine. Here's me giving it a try. 

Sunday, 1 July 2012

Muslims On Time Keeping And Promises - Shaadi Edition.

Perhaps it's unfair to title this as Muslims as opposed to ethnics. But just a few thoughts on how it should be and how it is.

It's an unwritten rule it for ethnics muslims in showing up late. Heck, I must ensure I arrange a meeting time up to an hour earlier depending on the ethnicity/friend. Even then, they still some how manage to come late. Word.

I was meeting with some new friends recently and to their amazement I happen to be the only ethnic that actually shows up a little early.

It's a good quality to have. It's a part of our culture and our identity as Muslims. It's a part of our Salah in congregation. However, we've increasingly seem to have lost our ways.

Bringing this back to all things marriage, here's something that happened.

5 good friends. Married friends. All of whom I've approached within a week. I've never asked these guys to find me a suitor in the past. I've held the opinion that getting to find a prospect through a mutual friend is always more beneficial as there's the ability to vouch and find out more about a person. I dropped it to them that SS was on the market.

4 of these friends are between 20-25 and they've all been married for a relatively short time. I know what they've all been through in order to get married and they're practising brothers. Guys whom I've helped and befriended. They were on team SS, 'It's about time dude'. Little did they know I've been at this for a while.

They were enthusiastic.

I must say, I was taken back when the following happened:

  • 4 of the 5 brothers had somebody in mind that had either approached them or their wife. A few guys had over 3.
  • 3 of the 5 brothers had promised to make something of it get back to me over a couple of days. It's now been 6 weeks 5 of the 5 brothers have done nothing. 
  • 1 of the 5 brothers stopped responding to me. 
  • 5 of the 5 brothers didn't follow up after 2 weeks. 
  • 2 of the 5 brothers have met me since the initial meet and they never followed up a conversation on marriage. The rest didn't meet nor follow up. 1 of those is from another city.
  • 1 of  the 5 brothers tried. He didn't promise and he's been on the watch. He's only been married for 7 weeks and he had more of a reason not to get back to me over the others.

I understand how it's like, being married and being busy. I really do. It's why we make excuses for each other.

But there's something severely wrong here. 2 of these contacts are wanting to become scholars/imaams. They both promised.  

#RealTalk is real talk. For these guys it was just a matter of "You interested? I'll pass the brother your fathers number." It takes a couple of minutes. And that's how it should be.

Here's an example of what I did for a brother I met in the masjid and my sister's best friend.

1. My sister told me about her friend. I told this brother. He was interested and vice versa. I made a phone call to both parties with my sister present and it took about a minute each. 2 Minutes.
2. Exchanged pictures between the 2. It took them about 10 minutes each to get back to me. 1 minute of my time.
3. We arranged a meet with dates and times.

In total this took 4 and a half minutes of my time. This was the long way of doing things because there was direct contact between both parties as opposed to ringing her wali due to some circumstances.

One of my friends waited 8 weeks for any movement to happen. Then he withdrew because the family were quite frankly on something. This does not compute. Stupid is what it is. And I'm not contributing towards this cause or letting my peers. It's beyond a joke.

I've done this many times in the past and it's a few minutes affair.

It's crap but you have to deal the cards you're dealt with. I'm always finding way to improve these things. A couple of things that have greatly reduced in wasting my time:

1. Be Assertive - Lay down the (reasonable) cards. It shouldn't take a suitor weeks to think about the initial step. The intention is there or it isn't. I personally don't wait for longer than 3 days. That's enough under normal circumstances. If she's unsure about pursing. Guess what? There's thousands more who are sure. Don't waste time and move on.

'I don't want to offend anybody.'
'I don't want to seem desperate.'
'I should just hang around, right?'
'I don't want to cause a scene.'
'He might think something of me.'

I've seen these thoughts and many others like these. Brothers and sisters a like are not getting anywhere through the lack of assertiveness. Time to step up without being difficult or arrogant.

2. Remind them - No one wants to come across as desperate or impatient. People do forget and people do get caught up in their life. Don't be afraid to nudge them. It's your right. And It's improper in keeping you hanging. I usually get updates every day or 2 whenever time permits. If there's no movement, move along - nothing to see here. 

3. Don't put your eggs in one basket - People will let you down. It happens. I wasn't surprised when this happened. Before I approached these brothers, I sought alternative routes.  They delivered and this didn't. It's a part of the journey.

4. Don't take it to heart - I knew 2 of these friends were bad at time keeping, not so much the promises. Here's my general attitude: I don't expect things from people because I will then never be disappointed. If they do something, I will be genuinely surprised. It keeps any ill feelings and bitterness at bay. Lets not get bogged down. The world has as many let ups as let downs. (Just make sure you high five all the let ups, they're awesome people.)

Our Ummah isn't short of time wasters. Lets not be a part of them. It's a horrible quality to have.

A Muslim is not permitted to argue with a fellow Muslim, to make fun of him, or to make him a promise that he cannot keep. [Tirmidhi]

Saying you will do something and not doing it. What you're doing is you're opening the gateway to destruction and corruption not only within your character but throughout your relationships. Don't destroy the very fabric of brotherhood. Think twice and hold to your words tight.

A promise isn't a privilege. It never was and it never will be.  

Wednesday, 27 June 2012

How Would You React To This?

I met up with a friend and we went to a big, independent, homely coffee shop.

When I walked inside I couldn't help but notice this sister. That one glance had caught my eye and that was it, I didn't need to look again. An hour later she got up and left with her friend.

Whilst talking to my friend, I excused myself for a minute and I was about to do something never done before. I stepped outside the coffee shop and I looked around to see which direction she went. I then saw her a hundred yards down the road to the right. I jogged up to her pace, she turned around and it went something like this:

"Assalamu Alaikum, apologies for approaching you in this fashion and I know this is going to sound bizarre but are you married/looking for marriage?"

Her reaction was priceless. She need some time to collect herself.

"I'm so sorry but this is quite overwhelming. Give me a second, I'm flattered ( ... ) I was looking for marriage and... I guess I still am?" she said.

She then looked at her friend for some reassurance, she got the thumbs up.

"Sorry to drop it on you like this. ( ... ) Can I contact someone who is responsible for you?"

I jogged back to the coffee shop. I had no idea why I was jogging but I was jogging. I sat down and my friend asked me "where did you go?"

"I can't believe I just did that" I said under my breath. I was looking at her father's mobile number on my phone.

What's The Latest?

I've been extremely busy in keeping myself busy. I haven't had the opportunity to write up like I intended. But just a quick overview on what I've been up to.

I've been blessed with this ability to do well whenever I fully apply myself to something. One thing I'm continuously doing is to become the best version of myself in every single way possible. Breaking this down to a simple 3 tier model. Physically, mentally and spiritually would be the main points of interest

I was always very fit and strong. I decided I wanted to shred up, so I went away and worked a 6-pack. I can officially say I've been in the best shape of my life. I'm right where I've always wanted to be. I can now do muscle ups! I'm working my way to a front lever and one-hand handstand. I 'm not so sure if this would impress a suitor but it keeps me busy.

I've had some seriously chilled mantra going on. I don't feel stressed even when the going gets tougher. I've been continuing with self-development from different perspectives and paired up with Islamic principles, I've found new ways in becoming:
i) A better human being.
ii) A better Muslim.
iii) A more effective communicator.

I've maintained a steady flow of ibadah. Although studying tafsir had taken a hit. Mufti who taught us for 3 years was kicked out of the Masjid in standing up against falsehood. We live in strange times. After putting in 3 years and studying 5 days a week, I'm still missing half a qur'an. There is no one teaching tafsir around here. So I'm currently open and looking for some new opportunities. I've found that I'm certainly not reading as much as I once did. I feel more consumed in other areas of my life.

This has become easier. However, the tests have become increasingly unbearable. More on this another time.

I did get the opportunity to travel, granted it wasn't for as long as I would have liked but it was almost half way around the world with 3 brothers, so I welcomed it with open arms.

That's all for now. I will report back on some findings.


Thursday, 24 May 2012

The Resurgence

Assalamu Alaikum,

Yo yo yo! It's been a while and I pray that you're all well and in the best of imaan and health.

The last 6 months have been another well documented experience. I'm back and I'm going to make a commitment in writing again.

My reasons are many but on top of that list is to raise my level of understanding and awareness. Vague? Perhaps. It will all become clearer.

Yo DJ, it's round 2 baby. Hit me up and spin those entries in!

Monday, 26 March 2012

I Applauded

Make an informed decision, once it's yours.. work with it. When you're having difficulties, work through it. And do your damn best.

You can't dispose of it. That's just being ungrateful. 

Monday, 13 February 2012

You Find Your Dream Girl But . . .

Just something that crossed my mind:

You meet a Muslim girl and she's everything you imagined. She's beautiful, she's hilarious, she's intelligent and her passion for the deen steals your heart. She's all that you want plus more.

The catch? She's half way around the world and her family situation is a gamble. She's not quite sure whether she could hopp across the pond.

Do you take a punt?

Just a thought.

Tuesday, 7 February 2012

Pretty Woman

    "Pretty woman, walking down the street
    Pretty woman, the kind I like to meet
    Pretty woman."

It is true when people talk of how memories fade with time.

Since the beginning of quest, all those faces have faded, they had to. It's a part of growing up. It's there, the detail of all this questing is there, I haven't forgot one bit.. but the characters and their faces? They've disintegrated into a distant memory. The more recent experiences serve as catalysts to quest. I can't recall most of their faces, It happens. Immunisation I call it.

It is also true when people talk of that one face they can never seem to forget. For me, it's a lady whom I never quested. As the sole experience of my life. It illustrates chemistry at its finest.

It was Autumn, late 2009. It's hard to forget this time of the year, everyone is wrapped up to protect themselves from the frosty, crisp British breeze. It was the year of University when I was everywhere attempting  to do everything. Fresh and new to the quest, a smile goes a long way. I befriended all the boys on campus. I rapidly became well known on campus. It was only natural for my paths to cross with people from all walks of life.

As your popularity increases, so do the number of names. From "pretty boy" all the way to "superman." Pretty boy was vain, I never got on well with that. And Superman would bring about giggles. The closest I had come to flying was falling down.

Superman (brown variation), had a lame weakness. Brownies are known in acclimatising to the warmth. We never handled the cold as well as our English counter parts. I would always run to the safe haven - Library.

There was something about our Library on campus. It would be our place to pray, eat, laugh, study, laugh, socialise, sleep, youtube, laugh.. listen to, and talk about complete twaddle. You never seem to forget the hours you spend at a place like that.

As with all chillin' studying sessions, you become hungry. It became a daily tradition, rounding the boys up and rollin' down to our favourite Halaal sandwich joint.

Tummy meet brain, brain meet tummy. Walking up the stairs, the two had started conversing. The world becomes a different place when you're hungry. As the body begins to enter a catabolic state, your stomach eagerly awaits for the next rounds goods, heightening your state of awareness with it's final release of energy.

No matter how skilled I was becoming in lowering my gazing nothing could prepare me for what was about to pursue.

The middle floor was the only exit of a 10 story building. With an open design in planning - In front of you, there was a new cafe; very vogue-esque. Nice, clean and modern. To the left, a large reception desk with a number of advisor talking away. Towards the exit, security and those walking in.

Whilst you're walking in opposite direction talking and laughing away, you notice something looking at you. You have no idea what it is but whatever it is, it looks different. You can't help but look.

Then it began.

That look. That first, innocent look. What happens during that look you have no idea, you fall out of the drivers seat because you don't realise those few seconds were the longest seconds you could think of. It was a uncontrolled shift in a chain of thoughts resulting in a pause and the loss of short term memory. The value of time loses its relativity when this happens. I must have been on the brink of starvation because for that split moment I surpassed the quantum mechanics of time and space.

It was the first time I experienced a brain fart. I had no recollection or control over what had just happened.  All I knew was that I had never seen such a beautiful woman. Such a beautiful woman in hijaab, that I would continue to see for the whole year on campus.

Having never socialised with the opposite sex, It was only natural that we never did speak properly. The whole year I kept seeing her, she would always smile and give a warm Salaam. A really warm, friendly Salaam too. Dare I throw in a wave, yes the wave too.

My boys were always vigilant and sharp. They noticed my funny bone started playing up whenever this happened.

"Soulseek, she would suit you well." The boys nodded in agreement "There's no one quite like you; heck I ain't ever met a dude like you. Let me speak to someone to speak to her" another said.

"No" I said. "It's not open to discussion." And that's how it continued for the whole year.

I heard she was a mathematician and a real fun girl. Every guy wants to befriend a pretty girl. Well, almost.

The question creeps up "Why?" and "Why 3 years on?"

Dreams are a strange circulation of the unconscious. When you wake up and finish praying Fajr, you realise it's that same frosty, crisp British weather.

You look out the window and you smile. "That's a pretty girl."

And It is true, you never forget a face.

Wednesday, 25 January 2012

Deep, Profound Love. Hope #1

After 47 years of marriage, he still buys her flowers every Monday.

Then I came across the following. I don't use these words often but it is incredible and beautiful.

Take lessons. There's hope. There truly is.

Danny boy just rolled it into my book of manly qualities. Well played fella, well played.


Monday, 23 January 2012

In Praise Of Traditional Women


I am grateful that I married a traditional woman.
I don’t sacrifice any freedom for love. I am in charge. My wife is comfortable with that. I am twice as free as when I was single.
My wife is passive by nature. Passivity is the natural female principle. The marriage of active (male) and passive (female) is the basis of heterosexuality.
But it is heresy to say so.

Women are actually ashamed to want to be homemakers. How did this happen? How did motherhood go from being honored to being stigmatized? This change in attitude is the trajectory of Illuminist subversion of America. Obviously, the Illuminists prefer women to be corporate widgets rather than wives and mothers.

A woman needs a man to love her. The notion that she should be “independent” and career oriented is absurd. As if pounding a mail route is superior to making a home and caring for loved ones. As if obeying a boss is superior to assisting the man she chose to love and marry.

There is no greater blessing than a woman whose grace, beauty and love warms a home like sunshine. There is no greater gift than the precious love she gives husband and children.


The passive principle is the earth principle. The earth receives sunshine, water and seed and produces life. A woman receives a man’s love and seed and performs the miracle of giving birth to a human being.

A healthy woman in love wants to recreate her husband in her children.

Carrying and nurturing the young is the essence of female psychology. The denial of this reveals the Illuminists’ desire to override nature and control all human life.

Being a wife and mother is what makes a woman tick. She needs to be intensely needed and loved by her husband and children.

These roles are passive by nature. They involve a great deal of adaptation and self sacrifice. But they also require that she is not taken for granted. A wife and mother must be cherished and honored for her priceless contribution.

A woman is not going to be loved permanently for her appearance which is transitory, or for her accomplishments. Love is not like that. We love the people who sacrifice for us.

Men also sacrifice by supporting their families and providing leadership and love. Happiness can only be found in love, not self-seeking. Love is self-sacrifice. Human beings were designed to look after each other.

In contrast, Illuminism sees “freedom” as self indulgence. This is not the “truth that will make you free.”

The model I am describing used to be second nature. It has become esoteric knowledge. It is not for everyone. I offer it to those looking for an alternative to feminist dysfunction. You will find your own balance.

Marriage is under constant assault. This formula has worked for centuries and still works today.


The Male Principle is the God Principle – energy, form and direction.

Women want to look up to their husbands. They tend to seek men who are older and more successful. Why? They want their husband to be like their father was (or should have been), strong, capable, reliable, protective and nurturing.

More than anything, they are seeking emotional and physical security. They feel most secure when they feel possessed by a strong, loving man.

A man should prepare himself for this role. He should have a clear vision of what he wants to do with his life. If he is lost, he might ask God how he can serve Him. What was I born to do?

A man’s work should be his first priority and source of challenge and self-confidence. In contrast, a woman was not designed to get meaning from career. For her, career is secondary to being loved and needed.

Despite what feminists say, a man should never show weakness. The essence of masculinity is power. If he is weak, he loses a woman’s respect. If he lacks confidence, he should gain it by setting goals and achieving them.

A man should never think of any woman as a sine qua non. That puts him in a position of weakness. (She has to pass your test, not vice-versa.)

A man should never succumb to emotional blackmail. If a woman is withholding love or sulking, he should give her time to get over it.

A man should know what role he wants his wife to play. A man usually chooses on the basis of sexual attraction. What else does he want? I appreciate my wife’s reasonableness, intelligence, competence, and sense of humor. Think of the long haul. You need someone who is easy to live with.

Most women were meant to be wives and mothers. A man should think about becoming a father and the responsibility this entails. He is not only providing for his offspring, but also teaching them how to be human beings. He is creating a new world, a family.

A man will not care about something that doesn’t belong to him. He should find a woman who is prepared to surrender power in exchange for love. A creature with two heads is a monster. A family with two heads will go in two directions. The man is the head; the woman is the heart.

Marriage is about dependence, not independence. It is about union, two people becoming one. For women, surrender of power is the essence of love. If a woman can’t trust a man with her life, she doesn’t love him and shouldn’t marry him.

Marriage is about possession and being possessed, which most men and women crave. A successful union is the only thing that satisfies the spiritual hunger underlying the sex drive, and prevents wander lust.

The heterosexual contract is this. The husband has the power and he does his best within reason to make his wife happy. A man cannot love a woman if he doesn’t have the power to grant her wishes.

But a man must keep his end of the contract, or the marriage is off. He must be loyal, and show every day how much he appreciates her.


The vast majority of people find their identity and values in family. Destroy the family and the state is in control.

Incredible as it sounds, the Illuminists are building a world police state. The international bankers finagled the right to create money out of nothing and collect interest on it. They need a police state to protect this racket and make sure no country defaults. They own the mass media, politicians, and dominate big business.

Feminism is the cover for a sophisticated illuminist propaganda program. We have been brainwashed.

Nobody has a problem with treating women as equal to men. Feminism treats women as though they were men. It portrays heterosexuality as pathology and discriminates against men. Women are favored for jobs so they will have careers instead of children and men can’t support their families.

Society is being sabotaged. Alas, this is what the “war on terror” is really about, enslaving the world, not protecting it.

Bella Dodd, a former leader of the American Communist Party revealed: “The bourgeois family as a social unit was to be made obsolete.” The aim was to “create a new type of human being that would conform to the world they confidently expected to control.”

The bankers use Communism is to overthrow the Christian foundations of Western civilization and put themselves in charge. This is the true meaning of revolution.

The Rockefeller Foundation funds feminism. I searched RF and “Women’s Studies” in Google and got 137,000 entries. They have funded population control and eugenics research for decades, here, in the USSR and in Nazi Germany.

With women usurping the male role, we are becoming a homosexual society. There is a difference between accepting homosexuals as human beings, which I do, and allowing society as a whole to become homosexual.

Sound extreme? Consider this.

Homosexuality is the inability to form a permanent bond with a member of the opposite sex. It is commonly characterized by an obsession with sex and promiscuity. Sex becomes a surrogate for love. Doesn’t this describe society today?

Homosexuals generally have sex but no families or children. The bankers want us to have fewer children, and indeed the birth rate has plummeted since the 1960′s.

The Illuminists aren’t afraid of gays, single mothers or children. They are afraid of proud strong men who have families to protect. This is behind the degradation of men.

An ad for Swanson’s TV Dinners goes like this. Working mom asked for a big bowl she can eat on the run. Swanson responded. Kids wanted something for after school. Swanson responded. “Dad wanted to wear mom’s frilly under things!” Picture father with a goofy smile. “We didn’t know how to respond.” This is an example of the ongoing corporate attack on masculinity. The Whiskas cat food ads are another. They would never portray women as cats.

“First You Get the Women, Then You’ve Got the Children, So Follow the Men” -Adolph Hitler

We can fight the New World Order by having strong male-led families. 

After many marital mishaps, I now have a frictionless marriage. My wife and I complement each other. She doesn’t compete, criticize, complain or try to control, the four C’s. She tells me if something is wrong. I try to make her happy. She’s part of me.
Because of her passive nature, I don’t feel like I must constantly anticipate and meet her expectations. Rather she allows me to propose. Usually, she assents. When she doesn’t, we compromise. Her acquiescence empowers and completes me.
I love her. She commits the unpardonable crime. She is good to a man.

Sunday, 22 January 2012

Summary Of Online Matrimony Sites

Since I started this blog, I've purposely steered away from talking about Muslim online matrimonial sites. Perhaps its time to start dropping my thoughts.

Here's a thought:

Friday, 20 January 2012


"The average life span in my Ummah is between sixty and seventy years, and only a few pass this age.'' - Tirmidhi


Perspective is what keeps my quest going. I suppose I could have opted for some pretty fine looking women. I suppose, I could have chosen to go and fulfil my desires the right way. But they would have been bad decisions. The reason has to be more than frustration.

If we go upon the above hadith. Should Allah grant me those years, I've lived approx 1/3 of my life. Leaving 2/3's to share with a woman who will stand by my side and help me raise our children.

Think about it. Taking away the years of growing up as a child, reaching puberty and then looking to find someone who will be that garment that Allah talks of. That's a fair number of years.

All of a sudden when you realise Jannah is the resting place you seek. Would it not affect your decision?

You know that pretty face? Doesn't quite cut it any more. You  begin realise, after being sexually active it will become like any other instinct. You soon take it for granted and then move on to the more important stuff. Because there will always be the more important stuff. It's an essential part of being insaan.

The fitna grows like a disease every day. I want to be selfish. But I can't.



Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Thrill Of The Unseen

There's something ever so exciting and adventurous about about the uncertain world. Lately I found myself becoming a little distant with things. Although I believe my diet and regime to account for this lack of interest and energy, I believe there is more to it. You can either slog along panting throughout this cold winter from the bottom of your breathe 'when are things going to start moving' or you can begin to embrace the thrill.

Me? I'm going to embrace the thrill option. What's been lacking is the motivation and the drive. Right now I'm jumping back in the drivers seat. I've booked my 13,000ft skydive and I'm ready to start backpacking. I'm on course to finish the tafsir of Qur'an by end of the year if I keep up my 6 classes a week and do some intensive weekends. I'm currently the best version of myself in every single way. I'm in the best shape of my life. I'm confident, smarter, sharper, stronger and I'm told that I'm more handsome than I've ever been.

I feel ridiculously focused and I know of the things I want and how I will achieve them.

The beautiful thing about qadr (ordainment) is you never know what's around the corner. For example; the suitors I'm currently looking into, there's that hope for the best, I continue to put in effort and make each one work but I'm mostly inclined to expect the worst. It's become a way of quest.

Whenever we develop as human beings our thoughts, aspirations and needs change accordingly. This is a cycle that will you come to appreciate and learn. Until the law of quest (qadr) says otherwise.

I don't feel frustrated. I have this serene and calm feeling. It feels intoxicating.

No human can go frustration free. These phases are short lived because you realise Allah created you as a human, and like every other being - weak. However, I've found ways to keep these stages and weaknesses to a minimum, and because of that I'm constantly becoming the best version of myself.

Appreciate being single. I can only do all these things without having to worry or be responsible for her.

It humbles me that regardless of how much I try, what I achieve will only come by the decree of Allah. And there's not a darn thing I can do about that. As that knowledge resides with him and him alone. He's going to take care of the unseen stuff. I have to take care of the seen stuff. I like this arrangement. Simple and quite sick.

I'm chillin', I'm dillin' n I'm en route to be thrillin'. N'am sayin'?

Monday, 16 January 2012

This One Made Me Grin

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. 
- Socrates

Sunday, 8 January 2012

Deterring Attraction - Alpha Tip #1

Realisation strikes. Lowering your gaze. Fasting and every other hardline advice in avoiding temptation.

Still provin' to be heck of a struggle.

Yes y'all I've been doing further field studies.

Shaytaan's a sneaky one. Coming to you directly isn't very effective anymore. He'll send a hot girl your way instead.

She will look into your eyes, strike a conversation and tell you that you're funny. That gleaming smile. It's charming. Don't let it affect you too much.

Grow your beard. 

I get smiles, just not as much - The hobo look seems to be a success!

Complete turn off.

Monday, 2 January 2012

Courtship vs. Dating

"The dating game has been played for years, and many people have nothing to show for it but new found bitterness and a broken, distrusting heart. For the majority of single people, dating is the process of finding a serious boyfriend or girlfriend. A disconnect occurs when some adults who are looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend have no intention of going further and finding a husband or wife. Marriage is not for everyone.
Unfortunately, so many don’t figure out that their partner has different intentions until they are too invested. If they were aware of their partner's disinterest in wedded bliss, then they have already wasted too much time trying to change their partner's intentions.

I have fought this battle before, and now I’m constantly watching my friends go through the same song and dance only to get disappointed. The frustration that comes after the heartbreak has had many of them asking: “Are boyfriends/girlfriends a waste of time?”

In today’s society the process of dating is the prevalent means to find a mate. However, there used to be a time where there was no such thing as a boyfriend or girlfriend and “dating” was frowned upon. Instead of going out to the clubs to find someone, men had to court a woman, with his ultimate intention being marriage. During courtship in some circles (mainly religious) a man and woman could not hold hands, kiss, or even hang out without parental supervision. My parents, for example, have been married for 26 years and never went out on a pre-marital date.

Having a boyfriend or girlfriend would not be a waste of time if the title held more importance. The titles should definitely have more meaning once you reach adulthood, because with the title comes expectations of long term commitment. That realization made me understand why my mother, who is of the formal courtship era, referred to my now husband as my “friend” the entire seven years that we dated.

Recent generations take what I like to call the “Forrest Gump Approach”. In the movie he compared life to a box of chocolates because you never know what you’re going to get; the same could be said for relationships, except in the dating process we have become accustomed to biting each piece of chocolate before deciding which one we want to eat.

When you compare the way we find a mate today to the practices of yesteryear, there are obviously extreme differences. On one end, there is the no intimacy before marriage approach, and on the other end, there is the intimacy driven approach. Those who adhere to the intimacy driven approach believe compatibility is dependent upon sexual and physical chemistry. In my opinion, sexual chemistry is just when you discover what you like and being lucky enough to find someone who is willing to meet those needs.

Some people have found a middle ground by committing cautiously instead of isolating themselves. Of course, in would be a perfect world, people would state their intentions up front, and we would be able to see beyond physical attraction to find someone who wants the same things. In the end, you would be wasting your own time if you kept committing yourself to people who simply are not relationship material." - Simon Waugh
Guess what Simon - This is how we court in Islam. Wonderful isn't it?

After filtering prospects and after filtering some more. I've been thinking a lot about this. Years back, I could never articulate myself fully when it came to the discourse in test driving women vs courting them. With the help of the qur'an it's the only way forward. I don't just agree because it is what Allah has commanded but from a more logical approach - It does lead to a healthier society. Functioning the way it should.

Less broken hearts. Less broken families. Less baggage. Healthier hearts and healthier human beings.

In this society it's perfectly acceptable to test drive women. If she consents, why not? Using common sense as the grounds of reason seems to work, right?

Maybe not. I pray Allah guides us all to tawheed and grants us guidance so we do genuinely become better and more respectful people.