Monday, 28 February 2011

The Beginning Revisited

Assalamu Alaikum y'all,

This blog is officially hitting a revamp. I'm not talking about just the looks. It's changing for the better insha'Allah.The complete shebang.

The search  is about to be redefined.

I started this blog in my late teens. Whilst I've stuck to the premise, I haven't quite got out what I wanted to. So, that changes here and now.

Here a few things that will change:

I will post more frequently. This means an increase in volume and content. More talks. More material, the good stuff that I've found on my ventures. This blog will now become more personal. I will talk about my experiences as they progress. I say this because I've wrote so much content that I never got round to posting and it's no longer applicable. A waste of time and effort. I'm doing this more for me. If I'm committed to thinking and writing about issues, the chances are that I can deal and resolve them sooner. In addition, by posting and referencing things... this means I get back into my routine of reading and sharing stuff that may benefit you.

The design and layout is so '09. The colours were somewhat depressing. I knocked up a new design that's more friendlier to the eyes. And yes that's me on top of mount Hira (good times!) :D. How does the page scale for you guys? I noticed because the image is in a fixed position it varies how it's displayed between some browsers/phone's. Any comments on the design?

Increase traffic. I've had a lot of opportunities to increase this blog's traffic but I've been reserved and lazy about it. That's going to change. As one of the very few male's in the west talking about this issue. It's quite a niche. I'd appreciate it if you guys could pimp out a shout ;)

Expect more raw topics. Lets talk about pornography. Lets talk about sex. Lets talk and deal with these issues that Muslims seem to ignore. Ladies, brace yourselves

All the prospects will now be referred to by a number system. It's starting to get confusing with the names, lets keep it simple.

A final disclaimer. Everything I post are my own opinions (like srsly :P). I'm not like the 'mainstream' Muslim. I don't fit in a particular muslim category, I suppose that's why a lot of people approve of me heh. I will question issues til I'm convinced and I understand. Fortunately Islam does have an answer for everything. And that's why I'm here as a Muslim. I post evidence and daleel where it's appropriate but please, I'm no scholar. Please ask fiqh related issues at your local masjid/source. I don't want the responsibility of misguiding anyone. Capiche?

The search, part 2 is about to begin.

Let the good stuff begin.

What Is It About Daughters?

I'm going to sound like a mentalist but here goes.

Whenever I meet friends' families and the kids, they all just want to play with me. Uncle SoulSeek is the man when it comes to kids. I'm blessed to have a number of nephews and nieces. I love them all and I get on with all kinds of kids. From the little cocky ones to the mutes. Boys or girls. I just have this way of befriending them.

I want to talk about my niece. I can spend hours playing with the girl and our conversations are hilarious. She's going to be such a beautiful and smart girl. I always tell her I'm going to kidnap her, she always has this cheeky grin. I've promised myself that I will always be there when she grows up.

With the boys, the dynamics are completely different. They come on the weekend, the eldest thinks he's ghetto and strong, usually gets put in his place within a few minutes. Hilarity ensues. We then do some sports/play or have 'boy talks'. The use of language is totally different too.

Blah blah blah.

Basically, I really want a baby girl :( One that is mine for the keeping, one that I can protect and look after. One, that when a guy comes to ask for her hand in marriage; if he hasn't wrestled a lion, beat me at everything I know/can do.. he ain't taking her anywhere.

Weird right? Most guys would gun for boys first. I even have her name too, assuming her mother doesn't have the same name. I feel like such a big softy!

I just had to share this vid:

Masha'Allah, how cute is she?! Tabarkallah feek :)

Friday, 25 February 2011

Wedding Bells?

Not quite yet. 

We talked wedding dresses. Rings. Future. Living and arrangements with the in-laws. Children too. My quest for 10 children insha'Allah!

She was the only girl to make it to Soulseeks' place of residence. Met all my siblings, some of my nieces too. She even got to see my bedroom too. Hah. Crazed!

Here's the deal. Whilst a lot happened I don't have a great deal to say.

Things didn't work out. We were so close. We worked on things and before hand we managed to gain an understanding in each others styles of conflict and general behaviour. She made mistakes. I made some mistakes.

Our levels of maturity were very different. Being raised as an only child and her upbringing, lets just say I had a different picture of how I thought she would react in situations. After a while I come to the realisation it wasn't a big deal. Yes she was immature but at the same time it was beautiful that she was this woman waiting to blossom and grow. One that I'd be responsible for. All these issues and things were stuff we could work on. She frustrated the hell out of me. She was a bit weird too. But it was all gravy.

Her behaviour became quite worrying. Her family and friends cussed her for her attitude. Her best friend said to me she wanted to find me another prospect because she couldn't believe my suitor. Lol. In the end I just found us going around in circles. She wasn't ready for marriage. Despite throwing around a words.

She became that emotional thing again. She said she would regret this. Finding someone who is the complete package and the definition of what a 'man should be' with deen. She said her life was so difficult right now, she would want me to give her another chance and reconsider in the future if I was available.

Sorry, your chance is gone. And thank you for giving me just what I needed. Experience, perspective and understanding. I don't think I'll ever get to speak to another suitor as much as I talked to this one. It was a blessing that both of our parents allowed us meet and talk prior in a halaal setting to our hearts content (which were full days!)

I used to be a guy that had good characteristics but... they were imblanaced. Things are getting much better. When I'm thrown into the deepest end, I learn the most. I went through a difficult phase, confused and lacking understanding. But after E-V-E-RY-THING? I feel this contentment. My wife is going to be a very happy woman. Insha'Allah. I'm certain I will fulfil my part of the deed.

I did sit and think why women were such vicious creatures? After all this misfortune, I thought it was always the women that complicated matters. I put in a great deal of time, emotions and effort.

But after my decision. I smile. Because it's becoming quite easy. My time will come by appointment and by his grace and his grace alone.

I was with my friend last night, "Soulseek, in a non-gay way. You've got a really nice smile. Masha'Allah of course... don't want my hunk of a brother to get nazar now do we?" We've got this crazy sense of humour. "Praa wherever we go, all girls look at us and all the guys want to be like us. We're so lovable." I laughed and butted in "I'm gonna kick your ass, so shurrup. Oh and say Masha'Allah dude, say Masha'Allah!" "Whatever Mr Modest. Seriously though, after everything that's happened, your situation - how do you do smile like that? You do it around all of us we think you're life is so good but I've caught glimpses of sadness when you're alone. How are you so, well... in control and relaxed about things?"

I've learnt a great deal about myself. Just when you think you know, you really don't. I will never make the same mistake twice. Icing on the cake. That's what it was. I've learnt so much. Alhamdulillah, I'm so grounded and ready for marriage. It's crazy. Everything else in my life is in order. In addition to my previous qualities. I've become this assertive guy. That has tolerance but takes no crap. Confident, not in just speech but attitude. Given respect and surrounded by good people. That ability to sense and deal with situations responsibly and properly. Compassionate. In control of my emotions. More patient. Strong. I didn't think I would hit this stage for a few years. I've hit this stage in my life. What can I say?

I was supposed to be having my nikkah next weekish or thereabouts. Funny how things turn. It's weird how this situation hasn't bothered me in comparison to all my other ventures; even though I invested and progressed far more than the others. I am becoming that guy. Painful but worth it.

And, so it continues.

The search is on . .

In other news. I saw this sister just smiling at me. Pretty girl. Anyways, I continued walking looking elsewhere talking on the phone. Hmmm. I really know that face. I mean really. Oh sh- sugar. It's Husna. 

A Big Up To Jasmine

I'd like to give a shout out to Jasmine. Jasmine is an interesting character. A cool ombre. She's deep. Real talk is her style. Her way of thinking is refreshing. It's different. You know when you're in 'that state' and you can't quite get out your thoughts. Jasmine's the kind of person that gives you that kick start to get the cogs working again. In a positive light.

Thank you. For your time and effort. For helping me in gaining understanding and perspective.

I pray that Allah provides you with happiness and I wish you all the best in your journey. You should check out her blog.

The sickest cat down the saaarf ends! Peace! :)

Wednesday, 23 February 2011

Just A Smile

There's something quite powerful about the past.


I was sat down in the masjid. It was strange. I saw her. She came walking towards me and she sat down. There was something different about her. Ah yes, she was wearing a hijab with a loose niqab. I smiled "Good girl. Good good girl. Rockin' the niqab I see? You look really grown up. How's it going? It's been.." I fumbled for a while. And I looked up "A long time."

That smile. No one rocks it like her. It's the smile that makes you smile. It's an Aisha smile. She sat across me. "I have, so much to tell you." "I wanted to tell you, everything is going to be alright. You only deserve the best. Trust me, It's all going to be well." She started blushing. "Insha'Allah, of course it will." I said.

I was thinking to myself. How strange? I last heard from her ages ago and left things as they were. I haven't thought about her at all. How bizarre. How... Oh look, people around me are smiling. I'm smiling too. I like this.

I turned to my side. My arm felt better. I proceeded to roll over onto my other pillow. I woke up.

Something peaceful about it. A sigh of reassurance. A sigh of relief.

Tuesday, 8 February 2011

Losing Motivation To Blog And. . . Pretty Much Everything Else

I've been here almost every day trying to write since my last entry on the 24th. I've wrote a few thousand words in drafts but it's all over the place. It's not happening at all.

Since that feeling. I did all those things I talked of and it did me good. Thank you all for your support. And  Jasmine was right. I was starting to show signs of stress.

However, I feel seriously weak. Physically, mentally and spiritually.

Physically - I've ruptured a bone in my body. I can no longer compete in lifting. Training was my biggest outlet. It's no longer happening. From being one of the strongest national lifters, I'm now almost useless. Can I get an Irony overload? Hah. I'm currently in physio and I was told it would take a few months to see some progress.

Mentally and spiritually - It's just gone. Complete lack of energy. Feel really lethargic. Salah was always there to take a break from discomfort. It was relaxing. Khushu has slowly started to distance itself. All the other activities feel like a chore. You know crap's hit the fan when it gets to this stage. 

I've never been like this before. Disorientated. Unfulfilled. Crap. That's how I feel. It seems that life, that was once going into over drive with goodness and happiness is now on hitting empty.

I need to get writing. It's the best outlet at my disposal it seems. A note to myself: Big changes need to happen. 

Motivation where are you? ARGH.

Slightly O/T but I had to drop a few thoughts on Egypt. Firstly, way to go Google and Twitter, props on bypassing the firewall. Secondly, Why is America and the west so, SO afraid? Thirdly, an epic set of pictures in Egypt.

A final note, Muslim's are starting to come to the realisation that change can actually happen. Change for Islam. Exciting times are ahead of us Insha'Allah.

p.s I want to thank you all for your comments. They've been keeping me ticking over, each and everyone. Hi5 to all my g's!