Tuesday, 29 September 2009

And so it begins . .

Uni term is has started. It feels weird to be back.

The number of muslim this year round . . Allahu Akbar! The prayer rooms are packed, the number of covered sisters has increased and my network is growing. I must have met and had a chat with about 20/25 brothers at the freshers dinner! 

"Yo bro, wifey? . . . Me: ~shakes head~

This is first question/response upon returning to Uni. Yes, the single, muslim nation is getting bigger and urm . . bigger!

Where am I with marriage? I don't know. A lot of events have recently given me perspective. Some . . freaked me out!

I intend to get some of my thoughts written up but time is really pressing! My leisure time has been reduced and I spend it in the gym, attending Islamic classes, reading and spending time with those who are close to me.

A few updates . . 

My parents informed me of another offer and they're ecstatic about it. I caught a glimpse of her approx 8 months ago at a wedding. She had a received a number of proposals and my parents said at the time she'd extremely difficult to get hold of. I met her father a few months back and he's such an awesome guy, a caring family man.One teeeeny issue . . I found out she's 3, almost 4 years older than me. I'm not too sure where I stand on this issue.

A hijaabi sister asked me out to dinner. Okaaaaaaaaaay, this .  .  I wasn't expecting! I didn't know how to respond to this. Don't get me wrong, I was flattered and all that but I just quite didn't know how to respond! You know when you brain cogs just freeze? Yeah, I kinda had that moment. I responded with "As fun as it would be, sorry I can't!". I just hope she understood and didn't take it the wrong way!

Life is interesting. Every day is a lesson. I keep learning. It seems Allah is guiding me with the people I meet. I've met some interesting, some motivating and downright strange people as of recent!

I've been patient but it's extremely difficult. I've had a lot more offers than brothers I know and it's equally as daunting. I just wish this process would be easier.

Easier? Where's the fun in that?

And so it continues . .

Tuesday, 22 September 2009


1) Fate
2) Destiny

Derived from the Arabic word qisma.

This has constantly been running around in my head. I keep hearing this word.

Over the last week I've witnessed two failed marriages.

Couple #1
I've known this brother since we've been children. so I like to think I know him pretty well. We've even been abroad together! He got married a few years back. Unfortunately he was desperate and he rushed into this marriage. They had a few meets and on every occasion he went to their house his spouse used to cover and portray 'housewife' qualities.

I actual recall attending the wedding and father showing me her sister. They were all blessed with beauty and I have to say the one my father showed me was definitely up there with the looks. I was a few years younger then and even then I could see through the pretty looks.

Unfortunate for the brother, he thought he scored and her looks was all he caught up by. 

Any how, a few years on these two have had an extremely tough time.The girl is what we'd call a disrespectful woman. She walks around attracting males attention with a child. What must be going through her mind? The brother had revealed they haven't slept on the same bed for 2 years and it's a disaster. She's everything he disapproves of.

Last week they had a massive argument and he lashed out. The outcome? Divorce.

Couple #2
The typical 'Alpha male' owning his wife. He had beaten up his wife and I was called to intervene.

What did he hit her for? A comment. I kid you not! She asked him if he would like to do something to return a favour to a family and he lashed out on her making a suggestion!

She's not allowed to talk without his permission. 

I saw her in tears, trembling. It hurt me, it hurt me a lot.  

Allahu Akbar! What have people become? What have muslims become?

I'm currently in the process of helping this poor (pious) woman, resolve this stupidity with the aid of some community members.

If these two couple knew their lives would end in tears would they have married? They both said their marriage was a mistake. Indeed a dear mistake to make with kids.

This is ultimately; fate. We have established in Seeking Marriage (Part 1)  that Allah controls a number of provisions in our life. However, we are given the power to make decisions. To choose.

It is these decisions we make, that affect our life. The end result will always be from Allah but we should never neglect our duty to make a good decision.

Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere. [Qur'an 47: 31]

I will wait as long as it takes for a good wife. I know what my qualities are. By Allah, I know I will treat my wife with love and respect. The question is  . .  how will she turn out? 

I won't turn a blind eye to find out.

Sunday, 20 September 2009

Eid Mubarak

Assalamu Alaikum All,

I wanted to wish everyone Eid Mubarak.

I have to say . .  reflecting over Ramadan, it's gone better than I could have expected it to go. It's helped me so much in personal development and Ibadah.

Just a small reminder . .
"Take one step towards me, I will take ten steps towards you. Walk towards me, I will run towards you." [Hadith Qudsi]

"When My servants ask thee concerning Me, I am indeed close. I listen to the prayer of every suppliant when he calleth on Me: Let them also, with a will, Listen to My call, and believe in Me, That they may walk in the right way." [Qur'an 2:186]

Wow. Allah has promised believers many times throughout the Qur'an that those who worship Allah, Allah rewards them immensely in return. I'm so grateful that Allah has given us this opportunity.

I made a secret promise with Allah. In return he will help me. It's something we should all take advantage of. We're truly blessed to be amongst believers.

I hope you all succeeded this Ramadan :)

Thursday, 17 September 2009

Seeking Marriage - Part 3

Point number 3: Be direct and, approach either her/her friends and attempt to get her fathers number. 

Why is this so difficult?


This is a problem. We don't free-mix with the opposite sex freely. This is frowned upon as the general rule of thumb in Islam is . . whatever leads to haram is haram in itself.

There are opinions out there that state it's permissible to look (within reason) and talk to girls with the sincere intention of marriage. Note the keyword sincerity.You know where to draw the line.


This is where it becomes an issue. Muslims are scared because we ultimately think . .  Who draws the line?

In regards to all aspects in life we have the same dilemma. How do we resolve it? Educate ourselves - Follow the Qur'an and Sunnah. Whoever follows these two sources will never go wrong.

Once you know your boundaries, stick with them and don't compromise.

This is where networking comes into play. It makes life somewhat easier.

Depending On Others

I dislike depending on others. Some are just lazy and see it as burden if you ask them, others won't do a very good job. Let downs is what we call 'em around here! Besides you accomplish and overcome boundaries by doing something for yourself. 

I personally find it better to interact with the girl, you can find out sooner if we're compatible. Then we get the families involved. 

Make It Easier

I think both guys and girls could ease the burden off one another. If you're approached make it easier for someone to obtain information. Don't become best friends and start flirting/giving your life story away. That's lame.

Girls like it when a guy's 'mysterious' and vice versa. 

If someone shows they're not interested. Don't feel rejected or down, let it be known that person is not for you and move on. It wasn't meant to be.

Be smooth, pray to Allah, do dua, educate yourself and it's all gravy!

Have I missed some obvious option? How do you guys/girls like to be approached? Come forward and give a shout out!

Saturday, 12 September 2009

We've Had A Makeover!

I put some effort into revamping the layout.

What do you think?

Thursday, 10 September 2009

Seeking Marriage - Part 2

Part 1

We've determined that Allah (swt) has a decreed a number of things in our life. We also know that we have to actively go out and seek our provisions.

So how do we go out and seek marriage?

This is the one we all have problems with. We think on how on earth do you approach a guy or woman?

Do we use the following chat up lines:

> Girl when I saw you I said mashallah . . then I said inshallah!

> Allah created everything in pairs, so what are you doing single?

    Or how about . . .

    > Wanna ride shotgun on my camel?

    > Is your dad a terrorist, ‘cuz you da bomb!

      I've never used any of these lines and I don't intend on having a go for now. However, if you do decide to use one . . . let me know how it goes!

      Lets take a look at some options.

      Where to look

      No doubt the best and easiest place to find single muslims are at Univeristy and Islamic Events in the West. In addition, there are family/friends/occasions/events to widen the search. Basically take every opportunity you can.

      Where I live there are a lot of single muslim girls looking for marriage. Most young muslims realise it's the only way to be in an acceptable relationship. What's the problem then? There's a lot of incompatibility issues.


      Networking is extremely important in this game. Make your self known and available on the market. Friends, family and relatives. Plaster it on Facebook if you have to ;)

      If your network is small don't distress. Alhamdulillah it's fairly easy to strike a conversation with any muslim. Just be yourself and make a diverse range of contacts. As with all human beings you'll encountered some amazing people and some completely opposite.

      Making the move

      You've been on the prowl, you got your connections and you 've come across the girl you want to know more about. She's got the hijaab on, dressed modestly with noor glowing on her beautiful face. What do you do?

      Here are some scenario's:
      1. Sending a female (be it your mum, sister or relative) on your behalf to spark up a conversation with her.
      2. If the above is is not possible this is where networking comes in to play. You get one of your friends to find a female to interact with her.
      3. Be direct and, approach either her/her friends and attempt to get her fathers number. This is pretty awkward but hey! It's not meant to be all easy right?
      4. Bring a guitar and play/sing You and me.
      Ok the last option wouldn't go down well, so I advise against that.

      The first and second option is by far the easiest and simplest. The third option takes real courage and it's a very direct approach. Please don't creep out the brother/sister by just walking up to them and saying "Give your dad's number . . NOW!". Something along the lines of "Assalamu Alaikum, are you interested in marriage? If you are . . would you mind giving me your fathers number?" would go down well. Maybe?

      #3 is incredibly is awkward and innapropriate. It's not really practical. Especially if her friends are around her. It could end up being embarrassing and a highlight of the day for the girls.

      On that bombshell, this will now extend to a part 3!

      Part 3 will consist of some finer points for  option 3 and a males/females role in this adventure.

      Thursday, 3 September 2009

      Seeking Marriage - Part 1

      So here we are . . confused, frustrated, losing hope. Hoping that the marriage candidate will somehow be sent through divine intervention.

      Allah (swt) teaches us how we should seek our provisions from rizq to marriage.

      We know that everything is ultimately from the creator. Whatever is fixed is fixed.

      You may be thinking "If Allah predestined our marriage, then why are we burdening ourselves and getting overly stressed in finding the 'right wife'?"

      Good question.

      Allah has predestined a number of things for insaan (mankind). Be it wealth, marriage even life itself. These things are unknown to us.

      Ibn Mas’ud narrated that Allah’s Messenger (saw) said to his wife Umm Habiba: “Verily you have asked Allah about the duration of life already set, and the steps you would take, and the sustenance the share of which is fixed. Nothing will take place before its due time, and nothing will be deferred beyond when it is due.” [Muslim]

      This concept is from the Islamic aqeedah (belief). We believe in this idea because it's in the glorious Qur'an and explained in the Sunnah.

      Therefore it's quite simple to understand that Allah has given us a domain of control. You choose your own thoughts and actions. There's also a domain which we don't control, that of which is beyond the remit of man - Weather, Earthquakes etc . . all of which Allah is the master of.

      Geetar Hiro's posted a wonderful post . . The Prophet (saw) advised a man, “Tie the camel and trust in Allah”.

      Simply put . . We have to actively go out and seek marriage. Through all halal means Allah has provided us with.

      Pray and place your trust in Allah. At the same time work hard . . to ensure to find a partner who is suitable for you.

      Allah created believing men and women for each other.

      "Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity" [Qur’an 24:26]

      Part 2 to follow with some practical tips on seeking marriage.

      Part 2

      Tuesday, 1 September 2009

      Another offer stumbles my way

      My parents surprisingly took the initiative to help towards the cause.

      The parents went for the initial meet and they said she was extremely impressive. Good marriage material.

      They told me about the girl and the family and it all looked promising.

      So, we arranged a date and we went to see the family. Initial impressions, the parents were extremely quiet and as the conversation progressed it seems they've lived an extremely sheltered life and imposed that lifestyle on their daughters.

      The conversation progressed and a revelation was then made, the girl wasn't even aware of the marriage. Okay . . They continued and told me she would obey everything I say or do. I sit, she sits - Great . . a doormat!

      I couldn't talk to her because her father thinks that daughters who speak to their potential husbands in front of their mahram are the bad girls. This comment threw me off.

      Another day passed. Another experience gained.

      And so it continues . .