Pages

Friday, 8 April 2016

When Domestication Strikes

Assalamu Alaikum old friends. Longest time yet.

Recently I came across A letter to my 20 year old self. It scares me that I, SoulSeek wrote this.

Sure, over the last couple of years I've travelled over some 80,000 miles, learnt some incredible lessons during my travels, become a husband and had a few more surgeries. I believe I have created some value. However, this guy... he was something else.

I recently come across a folder called 'Ideas'. It was just that - a dumping ground where I wrote passing thoughts and plans. I wrote in here many years ago.

One entry contained the following:

"I  have everything to offer to this world. I come from a place of where failing is not an option.

I am going to change dynamics of where I live locally and nationally.

I have a clear and defined methodology that will create change. It works because this how key people created ripples in history. I also have more. Our society and our youth are facing a unique set of circumstances. I've been a product of those circumstances and I have overcome them. I know what it takes to be this change.

I have this vision of my own place, a large warehouse or academic centre. Heck it can be a shed. It will be the hub to mentor and support others. I will employ some of the very best people this country has to offer. People with heart. We will build a movement across the country.

I want to create independent thinkers that can deal with broken homes, crappy relationships and stand up for the truth. We will become the best versions of ourselves. Islam is what guided me and it will always remain as my ideology. My invitation to you is to think. We will progress physically, mentally and spiritually. We will revive as individuals and as a nation once again.

I have the tools to support you.

I will not rest until I liberate Al-quds from the oppressors. Or that Allah blesses my children to follow lead if I fail.

Me and you are going to change our lives. Our families. Our communities. First, change begins at home - with you.

My end goal is to please Allah."

And it went on.

I am not this man right now and I have not been this man for a while. I've suppressed him and I've typically become the man I never wanted to be. Sentenced to work 5 days a week looking for a house in order to extend this sentence. Excited for the weekend to catch up on sleep, pray in the masjid and quite frankly; the simpler things in life.

I simply have no words.

I welcome your thoughts, Jazakallah Khair.

P.S. I've missed this; you guys. A lot

Saturday, 18 October 2014

Reaping What I Have Sown

I have my finest Cambodian Oudh on. Of course it's for a special occasion.

I'm sat in one of 7 cars being driven to collect Mrs SoulSeek.

The back seat is empty. It's calm and it's serene. The complete opposite of what has been over the last week. The last month. The last year. And as far as I can remember. Such is life.

These are the small things you truly begin to appreciate.

I thank Allah for granting me this opportunity and this kind gift. I thank you all for dua and your continued support.

Every individual that has contributed to their own cause in self-development, the journey to marriage or quite simply commented on this blog; you're very special.

Much love. Allah bless each and every one of you.

I feel like my life was on hold for the past 2 years since this begun. May this open doors for greatness and the opportunity to write more.

Today, a new chapter begins.

I'm excited. So, darn excited!

She is the coolness to my eyes and the comfort of my heart.

Monday, 22 September 2014

My Kinda Lady

3 years and 9 months ago I was asked what I look for in a woman. I sat down and asked myself this question for weeks. It started off as a lengthy note. Infact, it was pages long. I kept meeting people, the document kept changing. Eventually the list became condensed and it remained constant over the years. Here's what I wrote:

"A Muslim should never be at the bottom of the chain. If you think big, you're ambitious and believe we can strive to change the world that we live in then already have a great deal in common.

It's hard to quantify what you need and ya'ani there's more to people than a one dimensional checklist. So, I'm going paint an image of what I envisage will go down a treat with me. Here's my most recent image:

She's humble, has character and fears Allah.

She's chilled out, playful, down to earth and intelligent. Family orientated.

She yearns for good in this life but more for the afterlife. Marriage is a means of getting closer to Allah.

When the going gets tough, she knows that regardless of how different our views are, we'll succeed. Understands her position, responsibility as a woman and mine as a man. Respect.

Someone that can just sit and chill with, anywhere. You know, like your best friend. Companionship. Homie.

That's my wife, my equal."


I put this across to more than a hundred prospects since I was originally asked this question. In summary; here were my findings.Of all the people I considered: they all felt my criteria for a spouse was reasonable. I was under the impression every person felt like they fit that bill. I was pleasantly surprised because all I was asking for was companionship, character and something that every human being wants.

Having something like this put across - defining what you're looking for. It exudes thought, it displays effort and it demonstrates character, It repels those who aren't very serious or at the very least gives them something to think about, and it attracts those that are more serious. Some fit that criteria. The vast majority didn't. Of those that fit the bill. There's two woman I will never forget.

One is Arwa.

The other is just preparing her outfit for our Walimah next month.

Mrs Soulseek.

Monday, 21 July 2014

Seeking Small Wins

It's 6:30am and I'm waiting to go to work. I'm thirsty. I'm tired. I know I have a further 15 hours to go until I break my fast.

I'm typing on the phone with a mere 16%. My PC is packed. Everything is packed, and in boxes. The mattress is on the floor. It's hot. It's humid. And I feel aggravated.

No, I haven't slept the night and no, I haven't stayed up the whole night doing iba'dah. Rather, I've been trying my best to remain patient. That, in and of itself has been my Ramadan in a nutshell.

I fantasise most of my working hours thinking of sleep. It's something I've done very little of and the consequences are devastating. In fact, in the last 2 months I've not slept many hours uninterrupted. I muster up all my energy to deal with my circumstances, I deplete them and then I await the next day making dua Allah gives me the energy to deal with them.

As of late, praying Isha in the masjid and then praying Fajr in the masjid is amongst one of many small actions have been keeping me from tipping off the edge. Those 2 salah's prayed in the masjid equate to the whole night in prayer. Every window of opportunity that Allah has magnified have become the biggest of blessings in my life.

I'm looking for small wins because right now anything beyond that is too much of an ask. Doing beyond that is precisely what shaytaan wants.

Allow me to explain.

Shaytaan can glorify optional iba'dah over obligatory and sunnah iba'dah. If I were to expend my time, energy and efforts in optional things. I would not have the energy, and be less inclined to pour my efforts into the bigger and more rewardable actions. If I were to push a little more, it would have consequences, such as losing sight of the bigger picture. And that's difficult. That's difficult when it's Ramadan. That's difficult when all you want to do is seclude yourself and praise Allah. That's even more difficult when you set a benchmark.

That's my Ramadan and it upsets me greatly to know that this Ramadan hasn't been the most Qur'an that I've recited. It upsets me that the intent I made to memorise one juz just quite frankly did not happen. In fact, I can't help but feel ashamed when I attend taraweeh being led by 16 year olds and their commitment to the Qur'an makes me realise how far I've fell behind.

I pray Allah grants stability in the lives of those that are dispersed and  oppressed. To those that are struggling and to myself. Ameen.

Monday, 10 February 2014

Quest Tip - Make Dua For Others

Whilst questing, I've found hundred's of techniques that have either benefited my relationship with Allah, my relationship with others and ultimately my personal development as a human being. It's only right to share my findings with you guys in getting closer to finding the right person to marry and to refine ourselves; raising our self-worth and value to Allah (swt).

I'll be sharing more quest tips regularly.


The Messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم  said
“The supplication of a Muslim for his brother in his absence will certainly be answered. Everytime he makes a supplication for good for his brother, the angel appointed for this particular task says: `Ameen! May it be for you, too’.” [Muslim]. 
When you make dua for others, the angels make dua for you.

When you see a swag looking brother with a wife that compliments him, make dua for them. Don't let the sadness eat you away. It will increase gratitude and expand your chest with love for others. When one of the blog your following is going to meet a suitor, make dua for their success.

In return, Allah has promised to take care of you.

Operation Update

I've never popped pills historically but this time I've accepted defeat. I've been in a lot of pain but on the bright side of things, I've been in need of forgiveness, alhamdulillah. 

My knee has been swollen for the past 3 weeks and I've started walking again this week after 15 days. 

Post op, I was given no details of the surgery from the surgeons or nurses. It makes sense considering waking up from anesthesia under heavy medication isn't the best of times to take in important information.

I have a friend that practices medication, luckily he pulled me some details. It turns out there's more damage than the MRI scan had detailed.


It's most likely I'm going to need another operation some time soon as the ACL is most likely gone. Right now, I'm trying not thinking about that so it's busy chilling on the back burner. 

The healing is far from what was expected. I take a couple of steps and my knee collapses. I've lost a lot of weight from being a potato and it's not the healthy kind. 8lb in 2 weeks.  Having never been in a position where my circumstances stop me from having no routine, I'm not quite sure where to take my training from here. 

I've been having interviews after interviews and exams up exams. Ironically I'm using my experience from here with my jobs. If one falls through, go straight on to the next son. I've been sending out some 5-8 applications a day and I refuse to give in.  It's 3am and I've just finished some work to take in for a second interview tomorrow. I hope this is it. 

There's only one way to go from here and that's up. I'm going to start some light physio after I've done more reading.

I have a lot on my mind. It's only natural when you have free time and absolutely no form of outlet. I want to get back into writing. Over and out. 

Wednesday, 5 February 2014

Sedated Under Euphoria

"You have really nice teeth." That's the last voice I registered. "You should really invest in Sonicare's diamondcare, it's quality" is the last thing I spoke.

That's what I remember before being awoken by a sharp noise piercing through the temple of my head. I opened my eyes. Bright reflections of teal scrubs were surrounding my body. "He seems to be coming around" she said.

"This" was the first word. "feels, really weirrrrr" before my body jolted off the bed. "I dohn" before jolting up again. I had never experience such cold. My joints felt like they had been taken apart, I was dislocated, disabled and unable to move. I could hear my teeth snapping. "Why am I shivering?" I asked. "Can you call her please". After my body jumped up a few more times, I told Sarah "I don't understand why this is happening."

"Don't worry SoulSeek, you've reacted in an unusual way. You're going to be okay."

"This is really weird." I said. Taking in what she said "Thank you, can you please call her?" I asked the other nurse.

The heat started from my feet and made it's way to my body. The shivering started to slow down. I was given a number of tablets and injections. "You're going to fall asleep again soon." I was told by Sarah

It's a nostalgic feeling.

You step outside of your body, conscious and full aware of what's happening, down to the intricate details of what's being used and for what purpose. Whilst all this is happening, you're thinking of a future and you talk of that future whilst shivering. I've been to this place before but I don't know how and I don't know when, I thought. The colour tones have a green/blue undertone. A tone of my childhood. A tone that represents everything surrounding and associated with comfort and happiness. It is a place where I feel at rest with my fingers interlocked behind my head with my elbows point up to the sky. And you see all those people associated with that moment. This was that moment. She came rushing and she held my hand. My body jumped up again and she started to rub the palm of my hand, this time she held my hand firmer. It was a hold that would never leave my side. I smiled at her. After reassuring me, she refused to leave. "I promise you one thing." I paused. "Allah is my witness here. We're going to get through this." I said. I have never felt so proud of anyone and this is a feeling that I can only describe as a new experience. I've always had this place for her and she knows it but the peak keeps increasing after milestones.

I asked her if she had prayed Maghrib and eaten anything. I reminded her to take the papers out of the locker. This is the part where my eyes drifted away.

She was not my mother. Nor was she my sister. Rather, she was the most perfect thing to have stepped into my life.