Monday, 28 March 2011

Men Howling At Women

Pet hate of mine. And I'm a guy.

I decided to make her a little more modest. So, I stuck an abaya over her legs.

"From whistling to catcalling, and even groping, street harassment is an everyday reality for many women around the world."

This isn't exclusive to just men. Some think women it's okay to do the same. Picture the scene: Caucasian girls drive by, roll down their windows and say they would to like to inappropriate things to me. A brown guy. I laughed. I couldn't keep a straight face. My daily musings keep me amused.

Full Article:

When I was pursuing potential #6, she told me how bearded brothers would say masha'Allah to her face whilst walking past. Mentioning the name of Allah makes it totally halaal. Should I witness that, the grip around their beards would turn white. Shame.

Thoughts, experiences, funnies to share?

My thoughts:

"O Prophet! Enjoin your wives, your daughters, and the wives of true believers that they should cast their outer garments over their persons (when abroad). That is most convenient, that they may be distinguished and not be harassed. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." [Qur’an 33:59]

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

And The Torture Begins

"Summer, summer, summertime
time to sit back and unwind"
Fresh Prince - Will Smith

You just knew, summer had been made official when that was playing back in the days.

Over in the UK we've had some early doses of sunshine over the past few days. We say this every year. but I'm convinced the torture is getting worse year on year figures relate. Y'all know where I'm going with this. It seems the NHS has issued all patients with an ever so urgent 'WARNING: Strip down for your health' concern, early this year.

This weekend marks British Summer Time (BST). Also known as British Fitna Time (BFT)™.

I was walking through the train station. "This is torture" I thought. Busy, as you can imagine. I'm pretty good at the 'lower your gaze game'. This game seems to remind me of Pacman. You go through the maze of naked women, the women begin to multiply and chase you as you approach your goal - the exit.

I get outside of the train station, I think "Booyaksha! I've beat them all." Only to find a water fountain with even more naked women around it outside. "SS it's okay, go back to lowering your gaze" I think. It works; briefly. You see.. there are ads everywhere I look. "Dayumn" I think. "I'm going to look up to the wonderful skies. That should do the trick." Right? "Hey, hey, hey! Miss Scherzinger... Rihanna... where is your hijaab?" Billboards, me and you are going to have words some day. Mark my words!

I rush to find my safe zone, I hear high heals being bashed against the floor. I hate these things with a passion. Die! Yeah, I'd love for my wife to model them but they have no place in the open. Die again!

When the clickety clacks stop. I am safe. Alhamdu... Oh wait. I smell perfume. Why do you women do this?! Seriously? It's intoxicating. A proper buzz.

Then there are the magazines and ads. In my face. Wherever I go. J-LO's back with her big backside? Thanks for me filling in. Really. Sex this. Sex that. Sex on sex. Sexity sex. Sex!

Oh look. It's 'Men's health'. That 6-pack that he spent 12 weeks training for before the photoshoot. The same 6-pack that disappeared not long after he binged on pizza.  

"Well then, don't look.. it's not like anyone is forcing you." Thanks captain/princess obvious. But it's stupid. Put a fasting person in all you can eat buffet. Surround an alchy (pronounced al-ki) with his favourite beverages. 

Males are hard-wired. I'm hard-wired. Allah has put these feelings and desires in us. By Allah! If it was a whim and not a need, easy peasy. Some of guys have it worse than others. I'm at that end of the spectrum. Sad face. Why? I became strong. Really strong. Strong enough to complete nationally. That means I have silly testosterone levels. So brothers, when tell me you have it hard and I don't understand. Hahaha, haha and ha.

It's not so bad when you're in control your needs. And it's actually pretty awesome. Bachelor life and all that, it's fun. If only women weren't so provocative and it wasn't constantly in my face. Then it's all good in the hood. Then I'm reminded that Muhammed (saw) mentioned that one of the biggest trials for the men in his Ummah would be the female specimen. Makes sense.

It's that phase. A phase that is triggered by immodest women and their behaviour. It's like something takes over to commit haraam. A feeling that is uncontrollable. Then all that focus becomes women. You think of surviving this battle in a halaal manner then everything is your mind becomes about pursing a woman. It's a vicious circle.

When you eventually come back to earth and reach a better mental state. It's like "Hey everyone, I'm about to stand up!" only to realise you're the only person standing on your beloved planet right now. 

Where are the good old days of faking you're ill, so you can stay home to play and watch cartoons? Wallahi, growing up. SUCKS. 

Let me make this clear before the feminist brigade come, screaming up in arms. Blah blah. I understand the value of women. They account for more than half of the world's population. They are here for a purpose. A purpose I understand well. Their status in Islam makes them pretty darned special. I suppose I want a piece of special in my life.

Sunday, 20 March 2011

Small Note For Sisters

A smile is charity. A smile is sadaqah. A smile brings happiness. I'll be dropping a whole on entry on smiling because that's how awesome it is.

However, I'm convinced there's a club of sisters out there ruining my day. I know what you're up to. I'm catching on.

Intiative: Ruin SoulSeek's day. Every day. 

Ladies. PLEASE. Don't smile at us single, lonely brothers. Kittens die each time you do.

Daily occurrences, that's what they are. I'm prodding along, minding my own business. Looking down like us single guys do. This one road in particular quite amazing. You can see the whole city. Whilst admiring the views I see something bright and purple. I look and she's looking my way with a gleaming smile.

I get the whole it's Sunnah to smile but come on. Have mercy. Can you girls just carry a "Single - Looking for marriage" sign if that is your intention? It would make life so much easier.

I'm convinced you're all having one heck of a laugh at my expense.

Thanks for listening.

Saturday, 19 March 2011

Miss Touchy

Miss Touchy. A friendly thing ain'tchu? You really are unable to keep your hands to yourself. You like to touch people. Really suggestive and open with your hands. More commonly found within women.

The Incident
I was out of town, we hit a shopping centre to do lunch and pray Salah. I wanted to pick up a few things. We ended up walking into Selfridges. The smellies department. I was approached by a really friendly lady.

She established the 3 important rules.

Open - She had an open positive attitude. This is when you've already made a decision in the kind of attitude you want to demonstrate. Your body language shows most of the right signs. She walked up to me from the other end. If you know selfridges, there's about 10 women just floating around, yet her initiative brought her forward.

Eye - She made eye contact. Keen contact.

Beam - This girl had a smile and a half. A good smile always drops my guard. Something... so natural.

She proceeded to make her move. A pro. 

"Can I help you?" she asked. "I'm looking for something similar to Paco Rabannes' Ultraviolet, I'm almost out, recommendations?" She showed me around. It was an open floor planning. She ended up showing me some oud mix from Qatar. Some how the conversation turned and we ended up talking about Saudi women and Islam. She established rapport quickly, on the topic she asked me about my race. She then went on talking about hers. Grandfather was Brazilian and Arab. Mother Spanish and something I can't recall. Really beautiful girl, I had to stop making eye contact. The conversation had digressed for a while at this point.

"Anyhooo, going back to the smells..." I said. "Ah yes" she said giggling. "Could you stay longer? I've got so much to show you!" she exclaimed.

At this point she entered my personal space. Usually about 0.5-1m metre around me. She sprayed on my coat and then rolled her hand seeping the smell into my coat. I was somewhat slower than usual, I should have bailed. Then she pushed it. She grabbed my hand and locked her fingers in my hand. She give me that look and smiled. She turned my hand around and sprayed on my wrist. "This is definitely you! Are you from around here?" Then she proceeded to ask more questions. "Have you got a girlfriend?"

You know when you try to register but it doesn't ring a bell? That happened. One word kept hammering me "Haa.... haaar.... har-aam!" What was I to do? Quick, Soulseek. Think. Yalla yalla, jaldi jaldi. Should I knock her out? Should I call my wife? I can't really do the first two. So, should I - RUN?

"I'm sorry, I just realised I have to be somewhere!" Yeah that's right, I ran. Soulseek ran! "I'll see you again?" she smiled. I smiled and left.

My friend was creasing in laughter "wife time?" he asked. "Wife time indeed!" I'm working on one my friends, as he's moving away from jahlia.  "SoulSeek, I've gotta give it to you. See, I know how to flirt and grab a girl by using - umm, ya know.. haraam means. But when you speak [..] dayumn, you just be yourself and you've got that demeanour that I want. This isn't the first time I've seen a girl just stand by, we all know about your fan club. Heck you don't even chat to girls. Masha'Allah though I guess, you don't use it to do putt (haram/bad things)."

This just reinforces another good reason why I need to be careful. I've always been told I have a way with talking and getting on with people. I've been exposed to the extremes and moderates of all walks of life. Situations like these remind me why it's important only to communicate with a purpose. I'm my worst own enemy. The truth is, I'm slowly melting. And it's painful.

Ah wifey, wifey, wifey. Where are you to protect me?

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Types Of Muslim Guys

You guys asked for one on guys and Jasmine listened. Thought some of you guys might like this.

She went a lot more into depth than mine, haha quality stuff Jasmine! Enjoy.

1.) Mr "My S**t don't stink"

This is the one that thinks he's got it all down. He's so full of his own sense of self worth and arrogance, that you need to prove your worth to him, whilst all the while he is completely oblivious of his own psycho crazy thinking and actions. He is likely to request blood samples, virginity certificates, CV and references. He carries around a tick-list like an Ofsted inspector and approaches women in the same way as he approaches the purchase of a car. Don't do it ladies - it will be the most degrading experience of your life.

2.) Mr Haram Police

This is the one who knows his Hadith inside out. He's had some kind of lobotomy and has lost the use of any kind of independent thinking or reasoning - if it's not in the's not part of his world. At first you will be impressed by his level of "discipline" which will soon transpire to be nothing but brainwashing. You can look forward to being told that everything you do is Haram and sending you straight to hell, and all you have to look forward to is domestic violence and polygamy, not to mention the Van of dodgy fake clothes he will be selling on St corners, living in a council flat and avoiding all forms of tax to "avoid imitating the kuffar".

3.) Mr Perfect Image of a Muslim.

This is the one who thinks that all he has to do to be a good Muslim is avoid pork and alcohol and put his head on the floor 5 times a day. He doesn't investigate the meaning of the Arabic prayers he recites, and he thinks 'Musa' is a country in the out Hebrides. He'll innocently go along with any temptation that crosses his path, because whilst he got being a perfect Muslim on the outside down to a T, his lack of any real or genuine knowledge makes him vulnerable to corruption. You can look forward to a few months of idyllic spiritual love that will soon give way to an absolute half-wit of a man.

4.) Mr Muslim Male Dominance

This one thinks that women are things you put in your shoes to make them more comfortable...or even in front of the door to wipe your feet on. He wants a woman who is trained like a dog - and expects absolute loyalty and subservience. He will always feel dissatisfied by any female who dares to think herself worthy of being heard or cared for. Likely to go back home for a younger wife who has been raised in a cupboard and not developed the art of speaking yet.

5.) Mr Secret Buddhist / Atheist / whatever you like...

This one is a Muslim and calls himself a Muslim. A very spiritual type, this one likes to ponder on dreamy visions of a perfect future. He will pray and fast and do all of "the right things" and will constantly try and find equilibrium with Islam and "other religions" to fit in with his personal worldview. He will be soft and gentle and highly considerate - but you'll need a conclusion every now and then, and he will never be able to give you one. Likely to choose a lady who is of a completely different ethnicity to himself - most likely from a 3rd world country that has lakes a rivers.

6.) Mr Married

This is the guy who is always looking out for Mrs Married number 2,3 and 4. He will shamelessly pursue you and sweep you off your feet, claiming that he has never been in love like this before. But be careful ladies - you're not his one and only and you will never be.

7.) Mr Act

This guy maintains his perfect Islamic good boy image to friends and family, but behind the scenes he's got more girlfriends than you have, and you'll find pictures of them sipping Pina Coladas at various beach resort locations. Oh, and he's a dab hand with the old poker too.

8.) Mr She has to be a Virgin

This guy is an all round bad boy who didn't know what Islam was until it comes to marriage time when he seeks a perfect untouched Muslimah to be his wife. Dirty sod.

9.) Mr Mummy's Boy

Lives with his Mum who does everything for him, and will continue to do everything for him for the rest of his life. Finds the thought of leaving home and setting up nest with his new wife ludicrous and you will have to live with them and watch his Mum brush his hair after he has had a bath, and tuck him in every night for the rest of your life.

10.) The One

This guy is a Muslim from the heart, but he doesn't too far with it. He wants to be loved for who he is and will also love you for who you are also. He doesn't really know what he is looking for, because he recognises that he won't know until he finds it. Once he does find it, he accepts the good and the bad with a non-judgemental and accepting heart. You feel, when you meet him, that you want to be a better person and you drop your bad habits like a brick. He's the one.
Cracks me up that I know plenty of each, lol!

All credit to Jasmine. Drop by her blog and feel free to drop a comment.

Source: Jasmines Yard

Friday, 11 March 2011

Types Of Muslim Girls

1. The Wild One: She hits the clubs like it's her birthday. Bhangra gigs are her thing. Mum doesn't quite know what she's up to but she knows how to play 'I'm a good girl, I'll make roti' at home.

2. The In-Betweener: She doesn't wear hijaab but she dresses fairly modestly by our western standards. She's a good girl with good characteristics. Sometimes prays. Knows of the straight path but is afraid to commit. Insha'Allah she says.

3. The Sheesha Girl: Wears the trendiest of hijaab's with apple bottom jeans. Known to be loud, sociable and the more in and happening muslim girl. They lurve smoking sheehsa and chilling out. Typically associated with most Uni girls.

4. The One: She wears the proper hijaab. She can be down to earth, intelligent and on a level. Generally she's the right kind of mix in the midst of these categories.

5. The Self-Righteous One: This one floats. She's too pious, self-righteous and believes she's better than the other girls. She fails to look around and re-evaluate herself. Lighten up lil' lady.

Any kind of generalisation is a weak basis of reason and logic. However, these are the types of muslim girls I see out there. You can imagine the type I'm looking for.

If you feel you're 'the one' then please send your resume, photo, and a 300-word essay to Applicants may also apply via phone. So if you like me, 079-me. I'm a fair guy. So, I'm all for equal opportunities...

...Joke ;)  

Monday, 7 March 2011

Potential #7

I wanted to bring you back to an entry. 'And Then There Was . . . Nine!'

At the end I said:

"So, I present to you potential #1. Mum arranged a meet. To say it was wasn't what I expected it to be, is an understatement.

Totally not what I expected.

 I never got to finish off that story.

It was in Medina mother had met her. After a long night of Taraweeh Salah I would go back to the hotel and catch up with mum and aunt. "She's got beautiful eyes. She's definitely the one." I heard mum say. "Your ammi has found you a wonderful girl" my aunt said.

I lie in bed, dazing.
Life. How much have I achieved in my years?
Ah, my tummy hurts again.
The AC is playing up again. I feel really, really worn out.
Oh yeah. I need to get something for Ahmed.
There goes mum again.
Them two make me laugh, getting in pot shots in dissing each other.

Mum has been talking about this girl everyday. Bless her. She really likes her.

There was a knock on the hotel door. Auntie went to the masjid, mum was doing wudu. I was planning on walking her to the masjid for Isha. I got up and answered the door.

It was a girl. "Can I help you?" I asked. She was looking down. Her left hand made a tiny fiddly gesture with her abaya draping over her hands... like you do when you speak. I heard some quiet mumbling. I made out "Mum. . . yours." I think this was the girl. "Hold on a minute." "Amma... there's a girl waiting for you?" "Ah yes, it's #7. She's taking me to the masjid". This was my cue to leave. I quickly slipped on my sandals, grabbed my miswak and left for Isha. I can't remember the last time I saw such a shy, natural beauty.

My mum grew an attachment to her. So did my auntie. "Khala jee! That's what she calls me! She's like my daughter." mum would always say.

On Eid they were leaving. Mum came back with a piece of paper. 2 contact numbers and an address. "I asked the girl if I could ask for her hand from her parents as she's here with her brothers. This girl has respect, something girls these days lack. I asked her if she liked you and she nodded. When I asked her if she wanted things to go further, she said she's happy if her parents are. She also doesn't do her eyebrows nor does she wear make up. She's the most beautiful girl I've seen. Her eyes, wow.. her eyes! You just don't see girls like this these days. So many beautiful qualities! Vah vah"

This girl meant a lot to my mum. I saw her a number of times with my mum. I'd even avoid walking on the same side of road to the masjid when I saw them together. I've never seen a girl with that level of haya. Deep.

We hit UK. Mum would ring her and talk to her. Here's the funny part. My mum doesn't speak english. Old school and traditional she is. The girl didn't command our language very well either. Yet they spoke for ages. Always made me laugh.

The first meet took place. I'm going to save the details. Lets just say a convenient Uncle dropped by to interrogate 7 shades of information out of me. He has fun toying with me. The gas fire did not help either, I must add. My brother nudged me when I'd get a flurry of interrogative questions thrown at me with that "Ouch" look. This wasn't no ordinary man. He was superman. 9 children from the same wife, all academics. Opened his own madrassa, his sister was the headmaster. He himself was a doctor.

We settled for food. Now how's this for a small world? The brothers of #7 walked in with their friend. That friend, I recognised him. Friend of a friend. Turns out he's married to #7's sister. Now the friend spilled a few beans. "This is Ahmed's arabic teacher." "Oh so you're an arabic teacher. Are there any other things you'd like to share with us?" I said. Everyone started laughing. He grilled me on the command of the arabic language posing scenarios and playing advocate in my future plans. Trying to corner me, spot some kind of flaw in my plans, in me. Turns out he's a sheikh too. Alhamdulillah though, he couldn't corner me. I had nothing to hide. I know how to talk and walk that talk with examples.

Here's what frustrated me. They didn't approach me with any talk of marriage. It was just like a 2 hour interview. Nor did my mum achieve much, things were sketchy. Mum said the grandmother were there and she talked of marriage but there was a miscommunication at some point.

#7 and her mother went to hajj at this point. I had a few concerns and things sounded very slow. We wouldn't hear from them in a while. That's when I had many prospects at that point. It was then I considered this last girl. My mum was quite unhappy but she understood. However, this prospect fell through as you all know.

Fast forward this week.

"I never got to see them after they came from hajj and I want to see #7 and I want to ask them directly this time." mum said. We arranged to meet today. I had to get a bunch of things. Settled for tulips, box of mithai and a of Belgian chocolates and a box of Belgian truffles.

I really like the father. He's such a nice and humble guy. His story is quite amazing. Reverted to Islam 25 years ago. His eyes, I see what my mum was talking about. I loved how simplistic and islamic these people were. Really heartwarming. Good in nature, good in character.

The mother and my mum joined us. My mum was very straight forward about it, she had a long winded speech, then she hit it... "your daughter is such a wonderful girl, masha'Allah. I want to ask if you're able to give her for my son?"

The father looked at his wife. "We haven't even thought about giving her hand in marriage. She's young. We've only just give our first away and she's #4! If she showed interest and more maturity we would have no issues. She's also studying. In a few years.. Allah knows best."

I just smiled. This dude was awesome. Just the way he talked and handled everything. I was cool with it, it really made me no different. I'm way past that.

But my my mother? "I really loved her." [she paused] "I thought it would work out, she's been on my mind since Umrah. You know I only want the best and most pious for you.  "Aww mum, chilllll! Relax!" I brought her close to me "It's all well."

We then had food. #7 came home, we segregated. Had some good banter with the father. The son didn't really speak, he was a year younger than me. I decided to experiment on opening him up with a I've been reading on attitude and body languages. He answered conversations with 1 word responses. Hmmm, I had to try again. Within 2 minutes we were laughing. Within 5 minutes, I connected with him and we talked up until Magrib.

We were leaving. I caught a glimpse of #7 behind her mum. For some reason, this girl really intrigued me. For many reasons.

"I told you that you should have married your cousin. It's all your doing!" We laughed and laughed.

My mum. Bless her. And bless her a thousand times over. I love her.