Tuesday, 8 November 2011

My World Is No.2

Today's Fajr alarm felt like a blur. That feeling you get when you're drifting in between the state being asleep and awake. I didn't get a great deal of sleep, I wasn't actively think about what had happened, my brain has just learnt to switch off. Just that cold and numb feeling remains. After praying Fajr, an idea came to me. One of her brother's is an Aalim. I met him on Saturday. He seemed like a very reasonable and well balanced character. Someone who has been fairly distant from the family in doing his own thing. Ideas started flaring. The way I would approach him and the way I would put my case across. From what his sister had informed me of, I felt like he had no idea of what was going on in their household, the difficulties placed on his youngest sister. I felt that he could be the one to relay back to the parents a more refined and reasoned approach. Afterall, I'm still waiting to be dismissed for the right reasons from any suitor. If it isn't injustice, it's some personal issues. When am I going to get that satisfaction in being rejected rightfully?

Then it occurred to me. She said that  what her family were doing, the injustice that they were doing - It was justified. It was justified in some twisted way for her to accept this. When a personal is emotionally distraught, it happens. I can't help or work with her when she's accepted defeated. Optimist, pessimist, realist. Schmucks.
It's time for a refresh. Last night, me and 3 others (geetarhiro et al) had the most random idea. To hit a fairly small Island. We all needed a break. So we booked it last night and we all managed to blag some holidays off work. Get some nice apartments with a pool and a car waiting for us tomorrow. I need this. All these difficulties and tests? It's my first opportunity to wind down, away from here.

The world is 3 days:
As for yesterday?
It has vanished along with all that was in it.
As for tomorrow? 
You may never see it.
As for today?
It is yours, so work on it.
[Hassan Al-Basree]

It is time to start steering my life in the direction I have wanted. I've already wasted a couple of years. I found myself wanting to wait for that essential and intricate part of my life to enter in finding that comfort I've been looking for but she isn't coming. She was never around for the years I most needed her, so I'm not dependent upon her today either. I've been through that struggle in finding me. In stripping my character apart to see the person that I am. Ugly. I made changes. Lots of them. I'm now ready for the next phase.

I'm in my early 20's. The age of Jannah is narrated to be 33. I have a few years to go in order to be that man I envisage to be. I've got a lot of work ahead of me Insha'Allah.

I've been studying Tafsir of the Qur'an intensively (5 days a week) for the past 2.7 years. This was whilst juggling the everything in my life including a time demanding degree. We've completed only a mere 16 Juz. I can't begin explain how much this has changed my life. I've taken a very active and balanced approach in developing myself as a human being. More importantly to be that slave to Allah.

I look at my life. My efforts. And my sacrifices. By the grace of Allah, he's steered me away from any Major Sins insha'Allah. I want dedicate my whole life in serving him, I have no other purpose.

I have complete and utter conviction that Allah is my lord and Muhammed (saw) is his last and final messenger. And that the Qur'an is the last and final book of Allah.

﴿أَلاَ بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ الْقُلُوبُ﴾

Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.  

[Surat Ar-Rad - V28]

A new chapter is starting in my life. The intention has been made. I'm going to learn Arabic just so I can begin to gain a minuscule understanding the Qur'an. I can't even begin to describe what kind of kitaab the Qur'an is. 

Throughout this marriage process I take a look back and I see how confident I've become, how warm and welcoming people are towards me. I'm still making revisions in my former self, to become better. I know the kind of person I am. Committed and determined. And as with any skill, quality or ability. Pour in copious amounts of effort and you'll be sure to see a return. But there's an added bonus. When you make intention in learning the qur'an for the sake of Allah, he promises to make it easy for you. Profound. Making the intention is half of the battle. It's time to step up and go for the gold.

Til next time. Masalaama :)


  1. Firstly, how do you know any potential is telling the truth? You don't. You just make an informed decision when talking to them and family etc...You don't really know what's happening behind closed doors. You just know what someone is telling you - sometimes they tell you things they think you want to hear....and if they are honest, then why would you tell a potential your personal family issues? To make you feel sorry for them? Because they are too honest? Because they are naive? Is that your match? Is that what you have been waiting for? Someone who can't stand firm in their decisions or can't make decisions? People are different. We don't really know each other...not REALLY, not even in our own families no matter how close you are. You just have to trust - but it doesn't mean the other person has to.....

    Then, after breaking down everything in your head - all the what ifs and whys, then you remember that Allah (swt) gave you a way out. Said this before - what we think is good, well, may not be so good.

    Sacrifice and commitment to Allah's (swt) orders - we forget that. Eid Ul Adha was about Prophet Ibrahim (AS) and sacrifice. Look how hard his test was? I'm not comparing us mere mortals but his love was unconditional and yet he was willing to sacrifice his beloved son. Why do we then feel the need to keep looking for answers for being rejected for love that is conditional from some people? Maybe, just maybe Allah (swt) wanted it to happen. To teach us lessons. To be grateful for what we have. To remind us of HIS existence. There may be no reason at all. What do we know. Nothing in comparison!

    Besides, when someone can't see a good thing when it's right in front of them, then those people aren't worth knowing in my honest opinion:D And to be fair to her, family is extremely important and would always come first so again it comes back to sacrifice - I mean , would you give up your family for anyone?? Be honest SS, if you had a situation like this, would you really, really go through with it? I'm not sure I could do it for someone I've just met compared to a lifetime of being with my family. The only thing that's probably a bit worrying is that if she really wanted it, she could have convinced her family. BUT again, it was meant to happen like this because Allah (swt) intended it to happen like this.

    Yep went abroad last week and came back feeling different. Change of scenery is good. Very good.

    I think you'll find implementing the Quran is even better than just learning it!

    Wow - managed to find my words again:D

  2. Oh and check out this blog - he's so good!

  3. Soul seek... I have disagree on the part where you said you "wasted a couple of years"

    You haven't wasted anything... in fact you have probably gained in my opinion. Experience, growth as person (maybe), perspectives, you have gained something thats not physically visual like a wife... perhaps in some sense personal growth and experience is better quality to have first. You never know.

    She feels like their behaviour is justified? That is twisted. hmm... well it is her family, and I don't know the dynamics of it of course but she should in my opinion talk to them or negotiate at least. She should have stood up for what she wanted.

    She shoulda, she coulda, but she didn't. I say her loss no offense. :)

    Good idea on the vacation. Everyone needs a break from life. LOL make sure to have fun! You need to relax, take a break and take a kit kat. LOL (bad joke, but chocolate is an amazing remedy. :P )

    Also good luck on learning the Arabic inshallah.

    Speaking of Tasfir.......... ahem ahem.... T________T LOOOL... no I'm kidding. :p

    LOL haha go out and chill brutha! :)

    As-Salam Alaykum.

  4. lol yep your a kid :P

    Im in my mid 20's now but when i was around your age I used to think I was ready to get married, very glad i didnt. I was always mature for my age but now i look back and I can see how much Ive grown as a person, my fiance is a very lucky guy :)

    Anon 2

  5. MashaAllah it's great to have friends to travel with. :)