Sunday, 20 November 2011

Failsafes And How They Make You Feel Safe

I like simple mechanisms. Here's one: 

Fail safe - Something designed to work or function automatically to prevent breakdown of a mechanism, system, or the like. 

Once upon a time a lil female crept her way into my feelings and she left a mark. Aww, cute. Having never let a woman do that before, it was a new experience to me. I was always used to a different kind of struggle. It happens. From a young age surrounded by the bleak facts of a difficult life, I took it on. I fought. and I succeeded. I always looked up to the challenges of what my path would bring forth. I took the path to become a strong, rounded individual. Being a head strong practising Muslim, I never had a relationship with anyone. I had no idea how evil some women could be. I haven't pursued the worst of what's out there. Alhamdulillah. I have however had a taster of how evil some can be.

I have been wronged throughout this process. Because of that I had developed a mental fail safe. I made conscious efforts to maintain this lack of emotional attachment when speaking to suitors. Naturally after spending months in speaking to her you will grow a liking, it's human like. I'm game for that, it's important to establish some kind of liking. However, the problem starts at the attachment part. You shouldn't become dependents or too involved at this stage. When I speak to my suitors, I let everything flow naturally. However, I never let her become the centre of my daily activities. As soon as we finish talking, I don't think about things like I used to. It keeps my mental state fresh. She's just another scheduled task. Having done this 3 times now, when things didn't work out. I was back on form without being hung up.

I find it difficult to posses any feelings or think about her. When I look back, it's always to take a look at myself or the whole situation.When the gut feeling senses that something off, the fail safe kicks in. The signal is transmitted to my brain When things fall over. I move on.

What happens when things don't work out? Going upon my last 3 success failures - I look at how I conducted myself throughout the whole process. Islamically and as a good man. If I did something wrong, I will not let that happen again. If I was wronged, I will think of ways to minimise that the next time round. I then reflect. Look deeply within myself. Assess my physical and mental state of mind. Then I proceed to network for more prospects.

Simple? It works for me.


  1. I think if you're an honest person with no underlying intentions, then Allah (swt) does protect you in all situations. I was brought up in a semi-religious environment in that religion was always in my family but we were never strict. The marriage process is a journey and I wish I had known some of things you lot know already when I was your age. If I had done so, I probably wouldn't still be looking.

    I'm going to be 29 in a couple of months. Never had a relationship because despite not being very religious, I always had basic principles which I lived my life by. And Alhumdulillah it's worked well for me. You see when you are tested by Allah (swt), you do reevaluate to see where it went wrong. But faith plays an important part. When you know, that you don't mean harm to anyone, no hidden agendas etc you live your life with ease. I don't have any regrets because this is the way Allah (swt) intended my life to be. And you know what SS, inshaAllah you'll find the right person when Allah (swt) thinks you're ready. It'll happen so quickly you won't even realise it. My aunty was 33 when she got married. A couple of posts ago you made reference to 33 being the age of Jannah. She is now happily married with two beautiful girls. When she met her husband, the whole process happened within the space of three weeks.

    I think there are men and women out there who don't take marriage and the marriage process seriously. They waste people's time. Some unintentionally and some intentionally. It's life. Don't see it as you have been wronged. I was reading this book about trials and tribulations and that Allah (swt) tests us based on our commitment to faith i.e. the stronger your imaan, the harder the test. And for every test that Allah (swt) puts us through, it's given to purify our souls. You will be rewarded for your patience. I love Surah Yusuf. I know I should love the whole Quran but this Surah is my favourite. So many tests, so many lessons. Your readers who are going through the process should find comfort that inshaAllah you will all find pious, righteous spouses if you really believe.

    PS I have been reading your blog for about a year now and the reason I've stuck around for sooo long is because there was a post you wrote about the different types of muslim girls who dressed modestly, behaved appropriately, were decent etc but didn't wear a hijab and something about commitment to Allah (swt). It's been about six months that I started wearing a hijab. One sentence young man, changed my life. Commitment to Allah (swt) and you will be rewarded for that! So thank you. That's why I'll always keep you in my duas. Oh and you have some pretty cool readers too:)

  2. Right on the money SI!

    And agreed on Surah Yusuf. It is one of my favourite Surah's of all time. It is the greatest of stories sent to mankind. The greatness of this surah is in a nutshell; mindblowing.

    I don't know what to say.. So, may Allah bless you sister in this life and the hereafter!!!

  3. @SI, You were a female! Just died:O

    Mabrook sis on your new found commitment, some of us are taking forward steps whereas some are moving backwards.You're in the former:D

    As for the topic: '' I had no idea how evil some women could be'' funnily enough this is the second time I heard this line this week!lol

    I like how you dont blame others and you focus more on improving yourself and reflecting on your strengths and weaknesses,you probably even write them in a diary, no? Excellent.
    (This was a personal habit until my diary ran out of pages! looool) With every challenge you learn more about yourself, who needs a novel when you can read you and improve yourself in the process.

  4. @ahlam what do you mean I was? I still am:)

    Thanks bro!

  5. @SI, sawwy, you know what I meant! :)

  6. Ahlam - Diary, word. Do guys actually keep these things? This blog is bit and bats in me doing just that I guess.

    Hahaha you need to share some excerpts! And where have you been hiding man?

  7. Oh and SI's a part timer. She's only a sister on the weekends.

    I keed I keed.

  8. Someone is on top form. You made me use urban dictionary.

  9. @Soulseek- I was MIA. No not *_*

    Wallahi a diary is a really good way to keep track of your thoughts and plans/ideas.
    loool no way! I cant do that its hilarious!. Well, maybe a bit even though its more personal then your e-diary hahaha.

    Here goes:
    ''All I know is this has been ONE stressful year!! It was getting bad at times, I just flipped out for short-time periods. Very bad. Alhamdulilah, the nightmares are over. I mean, it was so bad that, I had lost almost all motivation and hope. The drive was gone. I was also hanging out with pea-brains(curses in my language)...''

    LOL *dying*. I just find some of these old entries really funny especially the mid-teens ones hahaha

  10. Ahlam - Bahahaha I love the varying spectrums! 'It was like so bad but alhamdulillah you know, damn these morons.. subhaanallah!'

    We were so raw and honest when we were younger. What went wrong? Adults lie.

    You know what I'm going to ask for next right? A link to your blog loool, gmail is that way ->