Tuesday, 8 November 2011

And It's A Wrap!

The Journalist.

The first time I uttered the words "you're the one". She did the same in return. Allah made it so easy it was beyond belief. We wanted to get married this month. I invested every ounce of my free time into her.

Her family started the fitna. And they went in full force throughout Eid. Her soft natured personality was always overshadowed by her family and she was always bullied and seen as the weaker link. All islamic personalities too.

When it came to her making this decision, they felt 'moving away for her would be difficult'. Subhaanallah, this is what we Muslims have deteriorated to after finding everything else is key. Spot on. Plucking things out of thin air, telling her how she would feel. Her sisters were plain wrong and just sly. They constantly patronised and mocked her. They both married choices whom their parents did not approve of and they were dictacting her decisions. He brother was the type, who would threaten to server family ties if they don't approve of his dictatorship in the household. They used her as the maid of the house to even look after her sisters' husband too. Charming stuff. I loved her approach on these people. She always looked for the best in them. Great quality but it must be used correctly. Unfortauntely that's where she fell. She failed to recognise how damaging they were to her. To us. One can only sugar coat a wicked person for so long.  

We worked. She loved my family. And we saw a future together. Today, she spoke to her father in SA and the siblings had relayed some nonsense back. They weren't very warm. Please note: They did not disapprove. They just felt concerned about her 'soft personality'. When I spoke to them they were equally as cold.

It all changed in 60 minutes when I asked her if she was willing to see this through. She cried. I will never understand this emotional blackmail families put upon each other. Me? I had very few words. Assalamu Alaikum was all I could say. I've established this level self respect and of self value. I've learnt to just walk away. You have to learn to accept that those hundreds of hours you invested only for it to fail - Is an essential part in picking the mother of your children. I stand by that.

She didn't step up. So, I retract my earlier statement about her being the one. 4 years on and every suitor is adament there is nothing wrong with me. I step outside of my body and I just stand there. I feel a different kind of numb.

I feel I can't do this anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. I've exerted myself.

Destiny. Maybe this is mine. Alhamdulillah. 


  1. Subhanallah.

    You have every right to feel the way you do. It's only normal. I mean I know what it's like to "exert" yourself. It's hard dude.. I know it's hard.

    But you know what I suggest doing at a time like this? Pray. Pray to Allah like you never prayed before. That's all you can do really. But by praying you won't lose that hope, that faith that SHE will come. And inshallah, one day you will stand one day looking into the face that you've been praying for.

    Hope that helps? =.='


    p.s Also I think you should read this. ;)

  2. Ah complications, Jazakallah Khair that raised a smile! :)

    Praying - Right on! As for having faith in her? Allahu Allam, Allah knows best... I'm just going to go with the numb feeling flow.

    Hey on the bright side of things, at least I now have some free time back!

  3. when i read the title, i was like 'Mashallah, finally! and then as i read thru it i was just..stumped. subhanallah, Allah tests ppl in different ways.Maybe this is yours, May Allah help you overcome it, make you understand the wisdom behind it. ameen. What would i do? lay-low, focus on something else. things happen when least expected; that's what they say.

  4. Assalaamualaikum,

    This post really resonated with me...seeing as that feeling of numbness had pretty much overwhelmed me. Just wrapped things up with a brother after having talked about possible wedding dates and next steps, and this experience certainly taught me that even when things seem like they're moving along quite well, there's always the possibility that it won't work out. I'm going into my 5th year of this quest in January...subhanAllah, and at times like these, I remind myself of two things:

    a) "What is destined for you will reach even if it be underneath two mountains. What is not destined for you will not reach even if it be between your two lips. " -arabic proverb
    b) My future spouse (whoever he is) must be pretty darn awesome if Allah SWT keeps telling me, "Nope, not this time." with all these prospects! And a pretty awesome spouse is worth the test, inshAllah!

  5. I'm so sorry to hear that because I got so excited when I read the title. Inshallah, Allah is saving someone pretty amazing for all of us singletons.

    I had the same experience, I thought the Brother was the ONE but after our first meeting, it all changed and I never wanted to speak to him again. But, I have firm faith that if Allah has brought us so close to the ONE then inshallah they're not far from us now, we just need to pray a little harder and a little more.

    Take the time to just relax and do things for yourself for a while. I've decided to take a 6 month break from this whole thing, I find I'm losing what makes me who I am during this process so the colder months are a good time to reflect, connect with friends and figure out who I am again.

  6. Words fail me so...

    What a bummer and a waste of time but here's the hard part. Praise Allah and move on....we're all in this lame struggle together.

    We're so crap at taking our own advice. It didn't help by the way! :)

  7. PS I think we should all have a party. We deserve it!

  8. everyone has something wrong about them/something they could improve about themselves...maybe in your case its believing theres nothing wrong with you?

    i do not know how old you are but if you are below 25 (im assuming you since you recently finished your degree, I THINK)maybe you should hold off on getting married, and grow as a person, marriage is a life long commitment you will never get your single years back.

  9. Anonymous - Whenever I view this as a test, I can't help but hold that feeling once I'm going through this process. I treat it as such. Then once your inside and you find someone who you believe can be that comfort. Your frame of mind starts to ease up and relax. It starts to unwind. Only for it to come crashing and the cycle begins again.

    You're right on though. I try not to make it my focus of attention so alhamdulillah it makes the transition back into singledom easier.

  10. Yoshi - Walaikum Salaam,

    What a wonderful comment. Jazakallah Khair! I do agree, it's not a done deal until that nikah contract is signed. Until then you're not halal.

    5 years? Easyyy on now... do I smell some healthy competition? :D

    Profound words. Profound words indeed my fellow veteran!

  11. Redhum - I would hope so. Subhaanallah, that's deep.

    One word of advice though sister, don't take 6 months unless it is essential. Treat it as a part time hobby ;)

    You see, when you make it your focus of attention you're preparing yourself for a great loss. Makes a great sport. Maybe we can throw a few ideas and tips back and forth?

  12. SI - Tru dat. Party time it is - check new post! :)

  13. Anonymous 2 - Slow down there. Check out some of my older entries. I believe there's everything wrong with me. I'm one downright dysfunctional brutha :)

    Perhaps. However, that is not applicable to my reality. I've grown way beyond my peers and self-development is a life long process. I'm now ready to share that with somebody.

  14. This is so strange to read. Almost deja vu because you've had similar experiences before. Personally I wouldn't bother with a person like that. I don't mean to sound insensitive but I know sisters like that and I've tried talking to them and motivating them to do what's best for them. It doesn't work. I'm sure she's great but at some point one needs to fight for what's right. They need to stand up for themselves. This sister doesn't seem to have the courage to do so. And by the time she realizes what her family is doing, it might be too late.