Monday, 8 August 2011

Istikhara Take Three

My sister and my nephew have gone home. A.K.A my sidekicks. I've got a tight bond with my sister. Boy can this girl fight. She's feisty. Whenever we get into an argument we just stop. Our personalities are strong. And boy does everyone know it. When we bang heads we know where it's going. Jokes always pursue. I love this girl, she's one sibling I know I'm going to be tight with for the rest of my life.

She's talked to my suitor and she approves of her. She realises the same things I do. One thing I love about my sister is that she's not afraid to upset me nor is she afraid in saying anything to me. Girl speaks the raw truth.

I've appointed her as my advisor.

Word yo!

Night Three
I woke up with some kind of negativity today. Logically, I tried to make sense of it.

I got to briefly speak with the prospect today to address what happened yesterday. I gave her a chance to explain herself. She feels like she's unable to articulate herself well enough. This incident put me off and I told her that and for what reasons. She apologised and explained further. Only got to speak for minutes.

I was listening to lecture a earlier by Noumaan Ali Khan. He said something profound. "Don't try to rationalise when women are feeling that way." Boooom. A woman doesn't needed to be reminded about the way she's been created. I need to consider that. Pair it up with how she does and deals with things.

She's a tad bit on the softer side. I like it. But I don't like it. 

I've made some adjustments on how we're going to proceed. She's game and understands. I asked her to take  couple of days out. Spend time with friends and family. It takes the pressure off her. Chilling is the best of environments to make things work. You'll see.

Istikhara take three: Complete. 

Status: Undecided but progress is being made.


  1. "A woman doesn't needed to be reminded about the way she's been created."

    What do ya mean? I feel like there's a hadith at the root of your statement, but I can't think which one...or am I way off?

  2. Word? Dude...haha

    Keep talking to your sister. She's a woman. Even though you won't understand her, she knows what she is talking about. Do you understand SS? Men and women are different in the way that they think. It always amazes me that some muslim men just don't get this! So here comes the lecture for your readers:

    Women are fragile, delicate both physically and emotionally. Therefore you need to treat her with consideration and compassion. She couldn't articulate herself well enough - well that's happened to me over the years. It doesn't mean anything apart from the fact that she may have been tongue tied or even in awe of you i.e. she must REALLY like you dude! And let's face it SS, you're mature in your way of thinking, she's not quite there yet but she'll get there. Men are more rational and 'logical' in the way that they think. What you interpreted as to what she was saying may be different to the way she was thinking. That doesn't mean you're two different people. It just means you think differently. Some men and some women seem to think you need to agree or have the same interests EVERYTHING. Everything has to coincide to make a successful marriage? No it doesn't! A couple should complement each other. They have different strengths and weaknesses.

    There will always be a difference in the way that a man and woman deal with issues under different circumstances. This is for ALL - whether you are pursuing or married. And the truth is, you never really know someone until you are living with them 24/7. What about all the other potentials? Sure, they may have been on your wavelength more/understood you but how do you really know they weren't telling you what they thought that they wanted you to hear? Some people are really good in the 'process'. I would prefer it more if someone was honest with me and got tongue tied etc as opposed to someone who came across as knowing it all.

    She's 'on the softer side'. Yes at the moment she is because she's still developing as a person. If you were to get married, you would be part of that development. Will she remain soft? Hell no - a women learns things pretty quickly! Besides, would you want someone who's feisty all the time? Sure, it would make things more "interesting" but I know I would prefer a more peaceful life than clash with someone all the time.

    But I'm sure you know all this and your sister has told you this as well as your mum SS;)

    Don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to persuade you or anything like that- this may not be right for you and only you can judge that. My intention is to show you thinking from one woman's point of view in this process. I don't represent all women. I've learnt that much for sure!

    By the way, you seem to be thinking a lot about her, what about yourself? You need to remember what you're bringing to the marriage just as much as what she's bringing. Marriage isn't about 'taking', it's about 'giving'. What are you going to 'give' to this marriage??

    Final point - don't rush a woman. You did the right thing to give her some time out. I've said no to many who tried to rush me in the past.

    PS Istikhara isn't just about feelings or dreams. The beauty of istikhara is that things either move away from you or come closer to you automatically......and it seems you're doing ikhtishara as well. Good on ya dude. It's finally kicking in eh?:)

  3. salamaat brother;
    first, may Allah swt give you tawfeeq in your endeavours & grant you only that which is khayr for you dunya and akhirah!

    allow me to say that realisations dawn upon us some time after Allah swt's qadaa' comes through... but i reckon you know this, so i shall suffice with "inna athikra tanfa3ulMu2mineen"

    may i ask... what is the lecture by Ustath Nouman that you are reffering to?

  4. Zafra - It's relating to the hadith narrated by Muslim. Abu Hurayra reported Muhammed (saw) said "Treat women well. The woman was created from a rib. The most bent part of the rib is the top part. If you try to straighten it, you will break it. If you leave it, it remains bent. So treat women well."

    They need all the care and attention that they deserve.

  5. SI - Masha'Allah! You do know you can write for England, right?

    Pretty much everything you said I understand and agree with. I would naive if I didn't think otherwise.

    SS has read men are from mars and women are from venus. Not that it quantifies for much but my encounters and experiences have taught me similar.

    As for what I'm giving? Read night four insha'Allah. I bring a lot to the table.

    Jazakallah Khair for taking your time out write an epic comment. Don't worry ombre, there's a lot to come back.

    I rushed this comment because there's an evil wasp lurking around in my room somewhere. I gotta get back to finding it and executing my mighty military operation!

  6. Anonymous - Walaikum Salaam.

    Ameen to your wonderful dua!

    And the lecture is The Healthy Marriage.

  7. Noumann Ali Khan makes some really good points.
    Glad you have your sister as your advisor. She can help you see things from a broader point of view.

    Good luck :)