Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Types Of Muslim Guys

You guys asked for one on guys and Jasmine listened. Thought some of you guys might like this.

She went a lot more into depth than mine, haha quality stuff Jasmine! Enjoy.

1.) Mr "My S**t don't stink"

This is the one that thinks he's got it all down. He's so full of his own sense of self worth and arrogance, that you need to prove your worth to him, whilst all the while he is completely oblivious of his own psycho crazy thinking and actions. He is likely to request blood samples, virginity certificates, CV and references. He carries around a tick-list like an Ofsted inspector and approaches women in the same way as he approaches the purchase of a car. Don't do it ladies - it will be the most degrading experience of your life.

2.) Mr Haram Police

This is the one who knows his Hadith inside out. He's had some kind of lobotomy and has lost the use of any kind of independent thinking or reasoning - if it's not in the's not part of his world. At first you will be impressed by his level of "discipline" which will soon transpire to be nothing but brainwashing. You can look forward to being told that everything you do is Haram and sending you straight to hell, and all you have to look forward to is domestic violence and polygamy, not to mention the Van of dodgy fake clothes he will be selling on St corners, living in a council flat and avoiding all forms of tax to "avoid imitating the kuffar".

3.) Mr Perfect Image of a Muslim.

This is the one who thinks that all he has to do to be a good Muslim is avoid pork and alcohol and put his head on the floor 5 times a day. He doesn't investigate the meaning of the Arabic prayers he recites, and he thinks 'Musa' is a country in the out Hebrides. He'll innocently go along with any temptation that crosses his path, because whilst he got being a perfect Muslim on the outside down to a T, his lack of any real or genuine knowledge makes him vulnerable to corruption. You can look forward to a few months of idyllic spiritual love that will soon give way to an absolute half-wit of a man.

4.) Mr Muslim Male Dominance

This one thinks that women are things you put in your shoes to make them more comfortable...or even in front of the door to wipe your feet on. He wants a woman who is trained like a dog - and expects absolute loyalty and subservience. He will always feel dissatisfied by any female who dares to think herself worthy of being heard or cared for. Likely to go back home for a younger wife who has been raised in a cupboard and not developed the art of speaking yet.

5.) Mr Secret Buddhist / Atheist / whatever you like...

This one is a Muslim and calls himself a Muslim. A very spiritual type, this one likes to ponder on dreamy visions of a perfect future. He will pray and fast and do all of "the right things" and will constantly try and find equilibrium with Islam and "other religions" to fit in with his personal worldview. He will be soft and gentle and highly considerate - but you'll need a conclusion every now and then, and he will never be able to give you one. Likely to choose a lady who is of a completely different ethnicity to himself - most likely from a 3rd world country that has lakes a rivers.

6.) Mr Married

This is the guy who is always looking out for Mrs Married number 2,3 and 4. He will shamelessly pursue you and sweep you off your feet, claiming that he has never been in love like this before. But be careful ladies - you're not his one and only and you will never be.

7.) Mr Act

This guy maintains his perfect Islamic good boy image to friends and family, but behind the scenes he's got more girlfriends than you have, and you'll find pictures of them sipping Pina Coladas at various beach resort locations. Oh, and he's a dab hand with the old poker too.

8.) Mr She has to be a Virgin

This guy is an all round bad boy who didn't know what Islam was until it comes to marriage time when he seeks a perfect untouched Muslimah to be his wife. Dirty sod.

9.) Mr Mummy's Boy

Lives with his Mum who does everything for him, and will continue to do everything for him for the rest of his life. Finds the thought of leaving home and setting up nest with his new wife ludicrous and you will have to live with them and watch his Mum brush his hair after he has had a bath, and tuck him in every night for the rest of your life.

10.) The One

This guy is a Muslim from the heart, but he doesn't too far with it. He wants to be loved for who he is and will also love you for who you are also. He doesn't really know what he is looking for, because he recognises that he won't know until he finds it. Once he does find it, he accepts the good and the bad with a non-judgemental and accepting heart. You feel, when you meet him, that you want to be a better person and you drop your bad habits like a brick. He's the one.
Cracks me up that I know plenty of each, lol!

All credit to Jasmine. Drop by her blog and feel free to drop a comment.

Source: Jasmines Yard


  1. salam,

    good stuff. i had a question about one of the things listed under the first type. under the first type, you mentioned that this guy will ask for blood samples, i assume because of STDs. i was wondering if its okay to ask for someone to have themselves checked for STDs. like, i would be afraid of getting like hiv or something from them. or is it okay to just ask another person verbally and then just take their word for it? like i'm not asking to like judge them for it or something. like, if they've done something bad in the past, i guess i would be okay with it as long as they repented and are working to lead a righteous life now and stuff, but i'm only wondering just for the purpose of protecting my own health and stuff

  2. SubhanAllah.May Allah cure them all.So, hardly any guys are normal humans except, the last 'One' who would more likely be 0.00001% of the world population according to the list.I was aware, but didn't really internalize how bad it was until now with detailed desecriptions.

    Well, that's hopeful, eh.

    (ps,Plan B: Im putting my hopes on jannah:D)

    (pps, ppl lets put our hands together and make dua' asking Allah to guide them and us)

  3. Love it! Very accurate in your descriptions. And it is possible to meet someone who can be of different types all at the same time!!:)

  4. "You feel, when you meet him, that you want to be a better person and you drop your bad habits like a brick. He's the one."

    This is so true. I can't even explain how true. SubhanAllah. I never realised how much I wanted to change about myself until I met Mr RedBerries. In a totally halal manner. Love love love this.

  5. Ok I have a question....

    What if someone (a guy) did stupid things when they were younger but no longer does them? Would you trust that person? Surely our religion teaches us not to judge and if someone as learnt from it......but then again maybe you can''s so hard! What do you guys think?

  6. @SI

    i think soulseek should start a whole new post about that topic

  7. There is some one out there some where waiting for you.
    Waiting to love you ,
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    Its too important that you get your love on time !
    Right ! in particular age , you can enjoy it to the highest level.
    You can too think about some one , and one can do relay great things for love for some one!
    At the same time getting a true love too is a matter of luck, but it depends on you too ,you can be a instrumental key factor in your love life.
    What you have to do is , search your partner who understands you and cares you, in all there should a be a compatibility of nature between both , then one can enjoy love to full throttle
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  8. y, SI, Anonymous - I'm not going to respond now as I agree with Anon, it's a posty worthy entry. I've made a mental note to draft up a post sometime soon.

    Ahlam - Hahaha, count me in on the Jannah deal. It's too good to pass!

    However, going onto 'the one'. I can assure you from the guys I know, a much higher percentage of them exist. You don't give up in looking. There's a lot of decent men out there!

    Nazia - You just had to ruin it with the self-promo fail. Lol.

  9. Funny thing... #10 applied to a girl that I know, but I was rejected by this person. Dang, any advice for me from anyone?