Saturday, 19 March 2011

Miss Touchy

Miss Touchy. A friendly thing ain'tchu? You really are unable to keep your hands to yourself. You like to touch people. Really suggestive and open with your hands. More commonly found within women.

The Incident
I was out of town, we hit a shopping centre to do lunch and pray Salah. I wanted to pick up a few things. We ended up walking into Selfridges. The smellies department. I was approached by a really friendly lady.

She established the 3 important rules.

Open - She had an open positive attitude. This is when you've already made a decision in the kind of attitude you want to demonstrate. Your body language shows most of the right signs. She walked up to me from the other end. If you know selfridges, there's about 10 women just floating around, yet her initiative brought her forward.

Eye - She made eye contact. Keen contact.

Beam - This girl had a smile and a half. A good smile always drops my guard. Something... so natural.

She proceeded to make her move. A pro. 

"Can I help you?" she asked. "I'm looking for something similar to Paco Rabannes' Ultraviolet, I'm almost out, recommendations?" She showed me around. It was an open floor planning. She ended up showing me some oud mix from Qatar. Some how the conversation turned and we ended up talking about Saudi women and Islam. She established rapport quickly, on the topic she asked me about my race. She then went on talking about hers. Grandfather was Brazilian and Arab. Mother Spanish and something I can't recall. Really beautiful girl, I had to stop making eye contact. The conversation had digressed for a while at this point.

"Anyhooo, going back to the smells..." I said. "Ah yes" she said giggling. "Could you stay longer? I've got so much to show you!" she exclaimed.

At this point she entered my personal space. Usually about 0.5-1m metre around me. She sprayed on my coat and then rolled her hand seeping the smell into my coat. I was somewhat slower than usual, I should have bailed. Then she pushed it. She grabbed my hand and locked her fingers in my hand. She give me that look and smiled. She turned my hand around and sprayed on my wrist. "This is definitely you! Are you from around here?" Then she proceeded to ask more questions. "Have you got a girlfriend?"

You know when you try to register but it doesn't ring a bell? That happened. One word kept hammering me "Haa.... haaar.... har-aam!" What was I to do? Quick, Soulseek. Think. Yalla yalla, jaldi jaldi. Should I knock her out? Should I call my wife? I can't really do the first two. So, should I - RUN?

"I'm sorry, I just realised I have to be somewhere!" Yeah that's right, I ran. Soulseek ran! "I'll see you again?" she smiled. I smiled and left.

My friend was creasing in laughter "wife time?" he asked. "Wife time indeed!" I'm working on one my friends, as he's moving away from jahlia.  "SoulSeek, I've gotta give it to you. See, I know how to flirt and grab a girl by using - umm, ya know.. haraam means. But when you speak [..] dayumn, you just be yourself and you've got that demeanour that I want. This isn't the first time I've seen a girl just stand by, we all know about your fan club. Heck you don't even chat to girls. Masha'Allah though I guess, you don't use it to do putt (haram/bad things)."

This just reinforces another good reason why I need to be careful. I've always been told I have a way with talking and getting on with people. I've been exposed to the extremes and moderates of all walks of life. Situations like these remind me why it's important only to communicate with a purpose. I'm my worst own enemy. The truth is, I'm slowly melting. And it's painful.

Ah wifey, wifey, wifey. Where are you to protect me?


  1. Amusing and Charming. :)

    I like how you wrote at the end,
    "Situations like these remind me why it's important only to communicate with a purpose."
    That's so true, it's amazing how things can go off topic and next minute the whole atmosphere has changed from what it should have been really.

    Still, well done for thinking and running.. a bit too late, but as they say better late than never.

  2. bintH - Assalamu Alaikum,

    As humans we're sociable creatures. More so in the western society. It's just 'too easy' to fall without realising.

    Time to starting making a more concious effort in not being overly friendly I guess lol

  3. aakhhhh that so hurts.

    I don't know what to say.But seriously shes extremely RUDE for trying to seduce a customer, that %$£#@ woman! Like we need more fitna.That goes out to those sick men too!

    ya Allah.

    Remember to cut conversations short with one-word answers when it is going past the necessity. Like i remember going into this pharmacy to buy an antibiotic for this obvious thing on my face,and the pharmacist guy goes ''hey I have those sometimes its seasonal'' and since I was already self-conscious of it I felt better and was like '' yeah true! its always in winter!'' then I catch myself...and he stares then he wastes time and fiddles with ''maybe theres a better brand'' and Im so dying to leave...uffff. He says''you have really nice manners did you move from one of those countries'' So embarrassing like, I don't know you mate.I don't.

    Usually I have a nice ''Terminator'' look when out alone that steers away weirdos.With friends Im totally normal and dont give a care in the world in terms of our joking or conversations and for some reason I feel safer.

    The positive things in your story is : that you ran and the other is the oud which can be smelt from here.Sry 4 the lame ques. but,did you buy it?

  4. Ahlam - Terminator look, hahaha class - gotta remember that one!

    It was £250 for a tiny bottle (10ml?) and it didn't even seem pure. I have better stuff I got whilst I was on umrah!

  5. well i just checked online right now and found one called ''burqa''

    How creative.

    Yep,umrah oud's probably more original.

  6. maybe it wasnt you being over friendly. I think it comes with their job description to behave in a certain way.

    I hate it when those sales assistants are all up in your face & naturally I tend to avoid these places like it has the plague. But if I do need to go in, I always say "no, I'm just looking" or something like that. they will then leave you in peace-result!

    & their assistance isnt always necessary & they're so pushy making you buy things you dont want/ need.

  7. haha your a pretty nice guy.

    If you did that to a woman by all means she'd punch you in the face without hesitation.

    The double standards in this world amaze me.