"Summer, summer, summertime
time to sit back and unwind"
Fresh Prince - Will Smith
You just knew, summer had been made official when that was playing back in the days.
Over in the UK we've had some early doses of sunshine over the past few days. We say this every year. but I'm convinced the torture is getting worse year on year figures relate. Y'all know where I'm going with this. It seems the NHS has issued all patients with an ever so urgent 'WARNING: Strip down for your health' concern, early this year.
This weekend marks British Summer Time (BST). Also known as British Fitna Time (BFT)™.
I was walking through the train station. "This is torture" I thought. Busy, as you can imagine. I'm pretty good at the 'lower your gaze game'. This game seems to remind me of Pacman. You go through the maze of naked women, the women begin to multiply and chase you as you approach your goal - the exit.
I get outside of the train station, I think "Booyaksha! I've beat them all." Only to find a water fountain with even more naked women around it outside. "SS it's okay, go back to lowering your gaze" I think. It works; briefly. You see.. there are ads everywhere I look. "Dayumn" I think. "I'm going to look up to the wonderful skies. That should do the trick." Right? "Hey, hey, hey! Miss Scherzinger... Rihanna... where is your hijaab?" Billboards, me and you are going to have words some day. Mark my words!
I rush to find my safe zone, I hear high heals being bashed against the floor. I hate these things with a passion. Die! Yeah, I'd love for my wife to model them but they have no place in the open. Die again!
When the clickety clacks stop. I am safe. Alhamdu... Oh wait. I smell perfume. Why do you women do this?! Seriously? It's intoxicating. A proper buzz.
Then there are the magazines and ads. In my face. Wherever I go. J-LO's back with her big backside? Thanks for me filling in. Really. Sex this. Sex that. Sex on sex. Sexity sex. Sex!
Oh look. It's 'Men's health'. That 6-pack that he spent 12 weeks training for before the photoshoot. The same 6-pack that disappeared not long after he binged on pizza.
"Well then, don't look.. it's not like anyone is forcing you." Thanks captain/princess obvious. But it's stupid. Put a fasting person in all you can eat buffet. Surround an alchy (pronounced al-ki) with his favourite beverages.
Males are hard-wired. I'm hard-wired. Allah has put these feelings and desires in us. By Allah! If it was a whim and not a need, easy peasy. Some of guys have it worse than others. I'm at that end of the spectrum. Sad face. Why? I became strong. Really strong. Strong enough to complete nationally. That means I have silly testosterone levels. So brothers, when tell me you have it hard and I don't understand. Hahaha, haha and ha.
It's not so bad when you're in control your needs. And it's actually pretty awesome. Bachelor life and all that, it's fun. If only women weren't so provocative and it wasn't constantly in my face. Then it's all good in the hood. Then I'm reminded that Muhammed (saw) mentioned that one of the biggest trials for the men in his Ummah would be the female specimen. Makes sense.
It's that phase. A phase that is triggered by immodest women and their behaviour. It's like something takes over to commit haraam. A feeling that is uncontrollable. Then all that focus becomes women. You think of surviving this battle in a halaal manner then everything is your mind becomes about pursing a woman. It's a vicious circle.
When you eventually come back to earth and reach a better mental state. It's like "Hey everyone, I'm about to stand up!" only to realise you're the only person standing on your beloved planet right now.
Where are the good old days of faking you're ill, so you can stay home to play and watch cartoons? Wallahi, growing up. SUCKS.
Let me make this clear before the feminist brigade come, screaming up in arms. Blah blah. I understand the value of women. They account for more than half of the world's population. They are here for a purpose. A purpose I understand well. Their status in Islam makes them pretty darned special. I suppose I want a piece of special in my life.