Summary Of Online Matrimony Sites

Since I started this blog, I've purposely steered away from talking about Muslim online matrimonial sites. Perhaps its time to start dropping my thoughts.

Here's a thought:

Perspective

"The average life span in my Ummah is between sixty and seventy years, and only a few pass this age.'' - Tirmidhi

Perspective.

Perspective is what keeps my quest going. I suppose I could have opted for some pretty fine looking women. I suppose, I could have chosen to go and fulfil my desires the right way. But they would have been bad decisions. The reason has to be more than frustration.

If we go upon the above hadith. Should Allah grant me those years, I've lived approx 1/3 of my life. Leaving 2/3's to share with a woman who will stand by my side and help me raise our children.

Think about it. Taking away the years of growing up as a child, reaching puberty and then looking to find someone who will be that garment that Allah talks of. That's a fair number of years.

All of a sudden when you realise Jannah is the resting place you seek. Would it not affect your decision?

You know that pretty face? Doesn't quite cut it any more. You  begin realise, after being sexually active it will become like any other instinct. You soon take it for granted and then move on to the more important stuff. Because there will always be the more important stuff. It's an essential part of being insaan.

The fitna grows like a disease every day. I want to be selfish. But I can't.

Why?

Perspective.

Thrill Of The Unseen

There's something ever so exciting and adventurous about about the uncertain world. Lately I found myself becoming a little distant with things. Although I believe my diet and regime to account for this lack of interest and energy, I believe there is more to it. You can either slog along panting throughout this cold winter from the bottom of your breathe 'when are things going to start moving' or you can begin to embrace the thrill.

Me? I'm going to embrace the thrill option. What's been lacking is the motivation and the drive. Right now I'm jumping back in the drivers seat. I've booked my 13,000ft skydive and I'm ready to start backpacking. I'm on course to finish the tafsir of Qur'an by end of the year if I keep up my 6 classes a week and do some intensive weekends. I'm currently the best version of myself in every single way. I'm in the best shape of my life. I'm confident, smarter, sharper, stronger and I'm told that I'm more handsome than I've ever been.

I feel ridiculously focused and I know of the things I want and how I will achieve them.

The beautiful thing about qadr (ordainment) is you never know what's around the corner. For example; the suitors I'm currently looking into, there's that hope for the best, I continue to put in effort and make each one work but I'm mostly inclined to expect the worst. It's become a way of quest.

Whenever we develop as human beings our thoughts, aspirations and needs change accordingly. This is a cycle that will you come to appreciate and learn. Until the law of quest (qadr) says otherwise.

I don't feel frustrated. I have this serene and calm feeling. It feels intoxicating.

No human can go frustration free. These phases are short lived because you realise Allah created you as a human, and like every other being - weak. However, I've found ways to keep these stages and weaknesses to a minimum, and because of that I'm constantly becoming the best version of myself.

Appreciate being single. I can only do all these things without having to worry or be responsible for her.

It humbles me that regardless of how much I try, what I achieve will only come by the decree of Allah. And there's not a darn thing I can do about that. As that knowledge resides with him and him alone. He's going to take care of the unseen stuff. I have to take care of the seen stuff. I like this arrangement. Simple and quite sick.

I'm chillin', I'm dillin' n I'm en route to be thrillin'. N'am sayin'?

This One Made Me Grin

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. 

- Socrates

Deterring Attraction - Alpha Tip #1

Realisation strikes. Lowering your gaze. Fasting and every other hardline advice in avoiding temptation.

Still provin' to be heck of a struggle.

Yes y'all I've been doing further field studies.

Shaytaan's a sneaky one. Coming to you directly isn't very effective anymore. He'll send a hot girl your way instead.

She will look into your eyes, strike a conversation and tell you that you're funny. That gleaming smile. It's charming. Don't let it affect you too much.

Grow your beard. 

I get smiles, just not as much - The hobo look seems to be a success!

Complete turn off.

Courtship vs. Dating

"The dating game has been played for years, and many people have nothing to show for it but new found bitterness and a broken, distrusting heart. For the majority of single people, dating is the process of finding a serious boyfriend or girlfriend. A disconnect occurs when some adults who are looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend have no intention of going further and finding a husband or wife. Marriage is not for everyone.
Unfortunately, so many don’t figure out that their partner has different intentions until they are too invested. If they were aware of their partner's disinterest in wedded bliss, then they have already wasted too much time trying to change their partner's intentions.

I have fought this battle before, and now I’m constantly watching my friends go through the same song and dance only to get disappointed. The frustration that comes after the heartbreak has had many of them asking: “Are boyfriends/girlfriends a waste of time?”

In today’s society the process of dating is the prevalent means to find a mate. However, there used to be a time where there was no such thing as a boyfriend or girlfriend and “dating” was frowned upon. Instead of going out to the clubs to find someone, men had to court a woman, with his ultimate intention being marriage. During courtship in some circles (mainly religious) a man and woman could not hold hands, kiss, or even hang out without parental supervision. My parents, for example, have been married for 26 years and never went out on a pre-marital date.

Having a boyfriend or girlfriend would not be a waste of time if the title held more importance. The titles should definitely have more meaning once you reach adulthood, because with the title comes expectations of long term commitment. That realization made me understand why my mother, who is of the formal courtship era, referred to my now husband as my “friend” the entire seven years that we dated.

Recent generations take what I like to call the “Forrest Gump Approach”. In the movie he compared life to a box of chocolates because you never know what you’re going to get; the same could be said for relationships, except in the dating process we have become accustomed to biting each piece of chocolate before deciding which one we want to eat.

When you compare the way we find a mate today to the practices of yesteryear, there are obviously extreme differences. On one end, there is the no intimacy before marriage approach, and on the other end, there is the intimacy driven approach. Those who adhere to the intimacy driven approach believe compatibility is dependent upon sexual and physical chemistry. In my opinion, sexual chemistry is just when you discover what you like and being lucky enough to find someone who is willing to meet those needs.

Some people have found a middle ground by committing cautiously instead of isolating themselves. Of course, in would be a perfect world, people would state their intentions up front, and we would be able to see beyond physical attraction to find someone who wants the same things. In the end, you would be wasting your own time if you kept committing yourself to people who simply are not relationship material." - Simon Waugh

Guess what Simon - This is how we court in Islam. Wonderful isn't it?

After filtering prospects and after filtering some more. I've been thinking a lot about this. Years back, I could never articulate myself fully when it came to the discourse in test driving women vs courting them. With the help of the qur'an it's the only way forward. I don't just agree because it is what Allah has commanded but from a more logical approach - It does lead to a healthier society. Functioning the way it should.

Less broken hearts. Less broken families. Less baggage. Healthier hearts and healthier human beings.

In this society it's perfectly acceptable to test drive women. If she consents, why not? Using common sense as the grounds of reason seems to work, right?

Maybe not. I pray Allah guides us all to tawheed and grants us guidance so we do genuinely become better and more respectful people. 

Confusion Hits Home - Entry 10

I sat there collecting my thoughts on the prayer mat. An hour passed and I realised I still needed to do my Witr.  I've been occupying myself so much, it's starting to show. Zeal is the most inefficient source of energy to run on. It always leads to failure.

Mon-Fri I fit in a total of 15 classes in addition to full time work, commitments and obligations. That's 5 tafsir classes, 5 tajweed lessons and 5 gym sessions. I don't sleep a great deal these days as you can imagine. 

I sat there thinking where do I go from here? All those road maps I planned out, all those refined ideas, where are they going? This is where it begins.

What if you had something to share with the world. Something that no young Muslim has done before. These brilliantly amazing ideas spinning out in all forms, shapes and sizes. Islamically you feel inclined to offer something just to bring you closer to Allah. As a human being you have something to offer the world. As a fellow engineer, a sparkling fresh entrepreneur. Which route do you take? Or more importantly, can I achieve all of these?

Is it wrong to keep all these things to yourself? A simple, humble life - It's a nice idea.

I'm stuck because I have nobody to speak to. Nobody that can offer me value. Some of your friends still find console games the most entertaining thing in the world. Some of your friends have confined themselves just to the masjid and lack the ability to bring their academic skills in line with their deen. Others that just like talking and not doing. Then there are those who you are unable to get through to because they have their own struggles. And so on.

I have a great deal of thoughts. I am severely unfulfilled. I can't help but feel what I'm doing right now just isn't enough. There's a number of things I can throw out there and identify what this lack of fulfilment is but there's so much more to it than that.

I can't do istikhara. I have nothing to do it on.

Here's a funny thought. If I'm finding it difficult to connect with my friends and my peers. This leaves my chances in finding an understanding and reassuring wife next to nada. Ha.

The quest has completely dried up. I no longer know how and where to look.

All this? It's going to be a really difficult one. I've never been to this place before. I'm just totally, unquestionably, categorically and absolutely unsure.

Severely un-ful-filled. I'd like to see you get out of this one.