Allah (swt) made men and women differently and here's something women will never understand.
That women are of man's biggest weakness. Easily. It's something that's uncontrollable. It's doesn't matter if you're fat or fit. Young or old. Healthy or ill. Black or White. Short or Tall. Handsome or not so handsome. What culture you come from - Men all have the same weakness.
They will never understand because in many cases Allah (swt) has made women oblivious to how much it affects us. For example, lets take a look at the ayah that came commanding believing men and women to lower their gazes.
Woman "Oh okay, that's not so bad"
Man "Man, you don't understand.."
Woman "What? Don't you have the same eyes that we do? Don't we look through the same retina? Process the same information.. stimuli? What's the problem?"
Here's the problem. Women don't understand the power of this desire that Allah (swt) has put inside of us. It is the #1 of desires that was beautified for men. It is also the #1 fitna, the prophet (saw) feared for this ummah - Women.
You will just never get how difficult it is, You will never get how it's the one thing constantly going through our mind. It's the one thing we can't just stop regardless of how hard we try. It's hard because that's just how the son of Adam (as) was created, it's natural and a part of our fitrah.
It's damaging. Just like the need of food. Remember that time when you hadn't eaten in over a day? You felt malnourished, tired, unable to move and all you wanted to do was eat. The one thing on your was that image of a pizza slice being picked with melted cheese dripping from the slice and cheese crust. OMG YUM! (I shouldn't have typed that whilst fasting!)
Now apply that analogy to a young, fit Muslim man living in western society.
When you do the unhuman thing and withhold yourself from this need. And the one halal option shows no avail? A different kind of hard begins. I don't even know where to begin in explaining this one.
Whoever makes it to the other side chaste. You sir... go and check out one of the qualities of a believer in surah Al Mumininoon between ayah's 2 and 11. You just elevated your status insha'Allah in one of the greatest feats any man can face. Kudos to you.
I have a mental draft in the form of a book on this very issue. Some day, just some day..
It's hard being a man.
They will never understand because in many cases Allah (swt) has made women oblivious to how much it affects us. For example, lets take a look at the ayah that came commanding believing men and women to lower their gazes.
Woman "Oh okay, that's not so bad"
Man "Man, you don't understand.."
Woman "What? Don't you have the same eyes that we do? Don't we look through the same retina? Process the same information.. stimuli? What's the problem?"
Here's the problem. Women don't understand the power of this desire that Allah (swt) has put inside of us. It is the #1 of desires that was beautified for men. It is also the #1 fitna, the prophet (saw) feared for this ummah - Women.
You will just never get how difficult it is, You will never get how it's the one thing constantly going through our mind. It's the one thing we can't just stop regardless of how hard we try. It's hard because that's just how the son of Adam (as) was created, it's natural and a part of our fitrah.
It's damaging. Just like the need of food. Remember that time when you hadn't eaten in over a day? You felt malnourished, tired, unable to move and all you wanted to do was eat. The one thing on your was that image of a pizza slice being picked with melted cheese dripping from the slice and cheese crust. OMG YUM! (I shouldn't have typed that whilst fasting!)
Now apply that analogy to a young, fit Muslim man living in western society.
When you do the unhuman thing and withhold yourself from this need. And the one halal option shows no avail? A different kind of hard begins. I don't even know where to begin in explaining this one.
Whoever makes it to the other side chaste. You sir... go and check out one of the qualities of a believer in surah Al Mumininoon between ayah's 2 and 11. You just elevated your status insha'Allah in one of the greatest feats any man can face. Kudos to you.
I have a mental draft in the form of a book on this very issue. Some day, just some day..
It's hard being a man.
lol, I've tried explaining this to so many woman I know...but nobody gets it.. and I don't think I explained it as well as you did. lol.
ReplyDeleteThey've all told me to stop making excuses for men.. and this coming from muslim woman..not the kafiroon.. lol I was once called a traitor by defending the men's side... guess I'm no feminist.
I agree with you... though I can't REALLY understand...seeing as I'm not male... though I've met woman whose number one fitna is the men in their lives...so sometimes this can swing both ways.
LOL I found the pizza analogy hilarious for some reason....
It's all part of your tests... just hang in there. :P
I have a brother exactly your age. I get it. But who ever said getting to Jannah was going to be easy whatever the trial.
ReplyDeleteNever. Ever. EVER share this with your wife / wife to be / prospective wife / someone you have thought about as a wife / female you are interested in
ReplyDeleteIt's every woman's nightmare to marry a man who cannot spend any interaction with females without thinking about the you-know-what, or a man who is lustful in any way - it's just our worst nightmare.
I as a woman disagree.I am able to understand that men just like women, that is how they are made, as long as he keeps coming back to me and has me as his priority, I am not going to be angry if he is having a hard time with this. Not giving him a free pass on staring and flirting openly at women but rather if he thinks of other women or admires another's beauty, that is fine. I just want to be the one he always comes to for sex and for him to be reliable and there for me and we make a life together.
DeleteJasmine - You had to be the first to bite. No, no and no. Don't misunderstand or take this out of context.
ReplyDeleteIt's simple biology. Understanding the fitrah. That is all.
After a brother gets married, is he able to control himself better? Or does he continue "looking around"? Just wondering...and May Allah make it easy on you!
ReplyDeleteWell, women can understand it, but because our desire is so strongly tied to our emotions, we dont usually feel the need until we feel an emotional connection. The stronger the connection the stronger the need. Women complain why thier husbands dont understand their need to feel cared for to be interested in being intimate with them.
ReplyDeleteNo wonder so many scholars are focusing on this topic of understanding both genders biological make up when it comes to intimacy. I used to wonder "whyy are guys so into it?? lol now it makes sense.
I guess a wife who is totally in love with her husband would see it as a plus point...a blessing rather..if all her husband thinks about is being intimate with "her"...but yes like Jasmine said as long as she believes its just "her" he thinks about LOL...
Muslimas are told to cover up, and hide their beauty. but showing their beauty seems to be the only way to attract a spouse?
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing. I never knew how hard it is for guys. That also makes us girls insecure. Knowing our husbands are constantly noticing other women who are more beautiful than us and secretly he wishes he could be with them too.
ha ha - lol, cant help it - honestly - being cheated on is easily the worst fear that I have - he WORST ARGH! It makes me afraid!
ReplyDeleteI can deal with snakes, spiders - the dark: being attacked in a dark alley way - I can deal with all of that without so much as an increase in my pulse
Husband lusting over women? God, I better stop thinking about that right now before I have a heart attack - wow, it really stresses me out!
lol@title I can think of a few jokes...
ReplyDeleteI cant imagine how hard it is to be a man with all these women dressed so Immodestly trying to get all the attention, it might be so hard. But how beautiful our Deen is subhanAllah that teaches lowering the gaze purifying the heart from all these lustful feelings when one devotes their heart to the Deen and embraces the sharia Then these distrations will be overcome, may Allah tallah make it easy for you and may He a grant you a woman who holds your hand towards the path to Jannah insha'Allah.
ReplyDeleteyou kidding me? You know how many times I used to think I would kill a reindeer to be a guy just once,just so I could get to do *some* things? lool.
ReplyDeleteBut,You don't know how good you have it bro.
I agree, the fitna is back-breaking and I do appreciate the power that females possess over males which is one of the reasons why I play my part in helping *decrease* that affect in society.
Hope to read that book some day.
I've been following your posts for a while SoulSeek but was never moved to comment. It may be hard for guys to restrain themselves physically, but it's just as difficult for women to restrain themselves emotionally. I have so many friends who have had their hearts broken in big and small ways. All a guy has to do is smile or do some small act of kindness and her heart is already involved. That's something guys probably can't understand. Girls spend so much time wondering both silently and out loud if his glance meant anything, if he was being polite or if its something more, if she has a chance, if she's pretty enough, etc. You guys may do things that seem totally normal and not think about it but it may catch a girl's attention and keep her thoughts and heart occupied for so long. I am a girl and I teach girls at our masjid and I have sisters. You may think that this only happens in public schools or among non-Muslims who flirt but its just as common in our masajid. My point isn't to point out what's wrong with the girls or masjid or the interactions. I also don't want to deem men's struggle as any less difficult. I simply wish to show you a perspective you may not see often. Our daughters' and sisters' hearts are fragile and careless men are breaking them left and right. What appears harmless can seriously affect a girl's self-esteem and iman. So please brothers, for your sake and ours, do not lead sisters on or be kinder to them than what etiquette requires unless you have serious intentions. Allah swt knows your intentions. I've gone on too long already, barakAllah feek and may Allah ease all our struggles jamee'an.
ReplyDeleteThank you, this is very true. A coworker helped me during a mental health issue that was a year long. This happened 7 years ago and my heart is still extremly attached to him. I have not worked their for 5 year. I cannot break this, no matter how hard I try. When I feel stressed I run to him, I literally will leave my current workplace in the middle of the day take the 2 hour communte to his workplace to see him for 15 or 30 mins. A bit embarassing to admit, I wish I did not need him so much and can't understand this. I would describe my behaviors like a cocaine addict needing their fix. Obviously, I just tell him I have a project in the neighbourhood and was dropping by but really I just need to hear him say "Don't worry, everything will be okay" and just have him listen empathically with occational insight and problem solving (which women consider an act of kindness). If he asks me to help him with anything or do anything, I would. Men do not know the power of kindness, it traps women and they cannot leave.
DeleteHave to agree with the anonymous comment above me. Too much niceness can easily confuse a sister. Men should keep within their limits just as women should keep within theirs. It's difficult trying to find a spouse but if you are interested in someone, be direct so people aren't jumping to conclusions like "do they or don't they?".
ReplyDeleteSoulseek - I've heard men say this so often. It's difficult to understand completely if you are not a man. I suppose the need for emotional security for a woman can be compared although it depends on person to person. I assume the same of men. Some are able to keep their desires in check better than others.
Since I'm currently in a rush, I shall post more when I get time. Looking forward to reading more from your side.