Tuesday, 8 February 2011

Losing Motivation To Blog And. . . Pretty Much Everything Else

I've been here almost every day trying to write since my last entry on the 24th. I've wrote a few thousand words in drafts but it's all over the place. It's not happening at all.

Since that feeling. I did all those things I talked of and it did me good. Thank you all for your support. And  Jasmine was right. I was starting to show signs of stress.

However, I feel seriously weak. Physically, mentally and spiritually.

Physically - I've ruptured a bone in my body. I can no longer compete in lifting. Training was my biggest outlet. It's no longer happening. From being one of the strongest national lifters, I'm now almost useless. Can I get an Irony overload? Hah. I'm currently in physio and I was told it would take a few months to see some progress.

Mentally and spiritually - It's just gone. Complete lack of energy. Feel really lethargic. Salah was always there to take a break from discomfort. It was relaxing. Khushu has slowly started to distance itself. All the other activities feel like a chore. You know crap's hit the fan when it gets to this stage. 

I've never been like this before. Disorientated. Unfulfilled. Crap. That's how I feel. It seems that life, that was once going into over drive with goodness and happiness is now on hitting empty.

I need to get writing. It's the best outlet at my disposal it seems. A note to myself: Big changes need to happen. 

Motivation where are you? ARGH.

Slightly O/T but I had to drop a few thoughts on Egypt. Firstly, way to go Google and Twitter, props on bypassing the firewall. Secondly, Why is America and the west so, SO afraid? Thirdly, an epic set of pictures in Egypt.

A final note, Muslim's are starting to come to the realisation that change can actually happen. Change for Islam. Exciting times are ahead of us Insha'Allah.

p.s I want to thank you all for your comments. They've been keeping me ticking over, each and everyone. Hi5 to all my g's!


  1. Life is a series of ups and downs - so don't worry too much that you're at a low right now. Just bear it with patience and remain consistent on the good things, and insha-Allah you'll come through it fine.

    I have to ask - probably on behalf of many others: do you have any update for us with regard to the big decision?

  2. It's consoling to know that Allah wants only good for us , inshallah the ease will come.

    I've read parts of "The Hikam" of Ibn 'Ata'llah and found it to be really good in assisting one in gaining perspective on life.It lifted many veils for me.

    ps. do read it with the commentary by Ibn 'Ajiba

  3. I want to write words to you that will lift you up from your funk, and throw you back into the cheery, optimistic, amazing guy that you are...but I can't think of anything that could achieve such a feat. This whole thing...the whole situation...the whole something that you have to deal with alone. Keep faith in Allah, He will guide you, and the decision will be to your benefit.

  4. dear soulseek,
    I having been following your blog for quite sometime now. Alhumduillah I have enjoyed reading everything you have posted.
    You are going through a lot. I totally empathize with you. Life is hard being a Muslim in the West and add to it finding the right mate is harder.
    But I'll tell you one thing don't give up looking for the right one.
    A marriage especially one based on Islamic principals and love, trust and respect between two spouses is beautiful Alhumduillah. I pray Allah SWT will help you and make things easier for you.
    Don't settle for anything less cos believe me, no marriage is better than one in which the two better halves become the bitter halves. The emotional trauma and problems just aren't worth it.
    Also you need to ask yourself, Allah SWT is testing me now, But what am I doing wrong? Cos if our hearts and intentions are pure and we do things correctly according to the sunnah and sharia, then we won't fail. Allah SWT will never let us down.
    I wish you the best my brother, don't give up.
    Allah SWT does love us all.

  5. Dreamlife - So true and thanks for dropping by as usual :) It's now up!

    Anon1 - Jazakhallah Khair for that, quality read and ref'd for future.

    RedBerries - Hard words but it's true. Time is a healer.

    Anon2 - Thank you for dropping by and jazakallah khair for your comments. They mean a lot. You've hit the nail on the head a marriage is all those things you've outlined.

    "Don't settle for anything less cos believe me, no marriage is better than one in which the two better halves become the bitter halves. The emotional trauma and problems just aren't worth it." - That is the truth. I had issues identifying this because I sometimes forget my worth.

    I do indeed and it makes sense. Shukran :)