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Thursday, 17 September 2009

Seeking Marriage - Part 3

Point number 3: Be direct and, approach either her/her friends and attempt to get her fathers number. 

Why is this so difficult?

Appropriateness 

This is a problem. We don't free-mix with the opposite sex freely. This is frowned upon as the general rule of thumb in Islam is . . whatever leads to haram is haram in itself.

There are opinions out there that state it's permissible to look (within reason) and talk to girls with the sincere intention of marriage. Note the keyword sincerity.You know where to draw the line.

Dilemma

This is where it becomes an issue. Muslims are scared because we ultimately think . .  Who draws the line?

In regards to all aspects in life we have the same dilemma. How do we resolve it? Educate ourselves - Follow the Qur'an and Sunnah. Whoever follows these two sources will never go wrong.

Once you know your boundaries, stick with them and don't compromise.

This is where networking comes into play. It makes life somewhat easier.

Depending On Others

I dislike depending on others. Some are just lazy and see it as burden if you ask them, others won't do a very good job. Let downs is what we call 'em around here! Besides you accomplish and overcome boundaries by doing something for yourself. 

I personally find it better to interact with the girl, you can find out sooner if we're compatible. Then we get the families involved. 

Make It Easier

I think both guys and girls could ease the burden off one another. If you're approached make it easier for someone to obtain information. Don't become best friends and start flirting/giving your life story away. That's lame.

Girls like it when a guy's 'mysterious' and vice versa. 

If someone shows they're not interested. Don't feel rejected or down, let it be known that person is not for you and move on. It wasn't meant to be.

Be smooth, pray to Allah, do dua, educate yourself and it's all gravy!

Have I missed some obvious option? How do you guys/girls like to be approached? Come forward and give a shout out!

6 comments:

  1. what happens when the girl notices someone. what can she do? she doesnt know him

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  2. Anon - Part 2 encompasses the options.

    http://islamicsouls.blogspot.com/2009/09/seeking-marriage-part-2.html

    She should ideally send her brother or father. If that isn't viable she should get one of her friends to find a guy to to interact with them to get more info.

    If she doesn't feel comfortable in approaching someone, she should get his full name and facebook him. A politely worded message would go do down well with most people.

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  3. I think much too often the line is not drawn when communication takes place through the internet be it through chat or on facebook or through email. I think its important two perspectives draw the line by only asking such questions that are relevant to compatibility and try not to delve into too much "free" conversation as you would with someone of the same gender. The rules are in place for a reason, too many of us disregard them unfortunately. I think whoever feels like the boundary is getting crossed should be the one to initiate the drawing of the line...Shaytan is sneaky...watch out!

    As for how to be approached...while the typical movie-style courtship where the guy comes up to the girl like a macho man and professes his love (or like) for her....this is real life. Personally, I like shy guys...someone who approaches me through someone else because he has a sense of shyness...even if this someone else happens to be facebook or something.

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  4. Sadly speaking, guys nowadays think ill of girls who walk up to them and confess... especially in our society and given our culture.

    In my opinion, I don't think mysterious guys are of any help or use to girls in general (Note: I think there's a great difference between a "shy guy" and a "Dick Tracey") If girls are expected to behave with decency and shyness, then there'd be no step forwards. I know she is capable of giving hints.... but if the guy's a meat head, then all her attempts would go in vain.

    She still has to preserve her dignity, as a muslim female... but mostly as a female... cos that's our nature!! ^_^

    It'll be too weird and frustrating if the guy is not willing to give info about himself to the extent that she has to pull them out from him... I mean DA!

    Thanks for the post

    Eid Mubarek and good luck

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  5. Very interesting perspectives.

    I will write on some of the valid points you two raised :)

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  6. If a guy approaches me, I would like him to have a few questions and comments prepared. Its really awkward when someone approaches you without anything to say. Please just keep speaking when you approach a woman because she might feel really shy so this would keep you two preoccupied!!

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