Thursday, 10 September 2009

Seeking Marriage - Part 2

Part 1

We've determined that Allah (swt) has a decreed a number of things in our life. We also know that we have to actively go out and seek our provisions.

So how do we go out and seek marriage?

This is the one we all have problems with. We think on how on earth do you approach a guy or woman?

Do we use the following chat up lines:

> Girl when I saw you I said mashallah . . then I said inshallah!

> Allah created everything in pairs, so what are you doing single?

    Or how about . . .

    > Wanna ride shotgun on my camel?

    > Is your dad a terrorist, ‘cuz you da bomb!

      I've never used any of these lines and I don't intend on having a go for now. However, if you do decide to use one . . . let me know how it goes!

      Lets take a look at some options.

      Where to look

      No doubt the best and easiest place to find single muslims are at Univeristy and Islamic Events in the West. In addition, there are family/friends/occasions/events to widen the search. Basically take every opportunity you can.

      Where I live there are a lot of single muslim girls looking for marriage. Most young muslims realise it's the only way to be in an acceptable relationship. What's the problem then? There's a lot of incompatibility issues.


      Networking is extremely important in this game. Make your self known and available on the market. Friends, family and relatives. Plaster it on Facebook if you have to ;)

      If your network is small don't distress. Alhamdulillah it's fairly easy to strike a conversation with any muslim. Just be yourself and make a diverse range of contacts. As with all human beings you'll encountered some amazing people and some completely opposite.

      Making the move

      You've been on the prowl, you got your connections and you 've come across the girl you want to know more about. She's got the hijaab on, dressed modestly with noor glowing on her beautiful face. What do you do?

      Here are some scenario's:
      1. Sending a female (be it your mum, sister or relative) on your behalf to spark up a conversation with her.
      2. If the above is is not possible this is where networking comes in to play. You get one of your friends to find a female to interact with her.
      3. Be direct and, approach either her/her friends and attempt to get her fathers number. This is pretty awkward but hey! It's not meant to be all easy right?
      4. Bring a guitar and play/sing You and me.
      Ok the last option wouldn't go down well, so I advise against that.

      The first and second option is by far the easiest and simplest. The third option takes real courage and it's a very direct approach. Please don't creep out the brother/sister by just walking up to them and saying "Give your dad's number . . NOW!". Something along the lines of "Assalamu Alaikum, are you interested in marriage? If you are . . would you mind giving me your fathers number?" would go down well. Maybe?

      #3 is incredibly is awkward and innapropriate. It's not really practical. Especially if her friends are around her. It could end up being embarrassing and a highlight of the day for the girls.

      On that bombshell, this will now extend to a part 3!

      Part 3 will consist of some finer points for  option 3 and a males/females role in this adventure.


      1. Being direct works...however I would highly advise against going straight up to the sister and asking her for her father's number. If this approach is taken...I think the directness should be toward her friends takes away some of the potential embarrassment and/or awkwardness.

        I wish you the best in your search!

      2. Hello Soul,

        Despite the fact that what you're up to is quite huge, and I must add a bit 'risky' to a point, I truly admire your sincere intentions...

        However, if you're really on a quest to reach the right one... how do you suggest/intend on taking the next step once you encounter her online?

        You've mentioned so far means of doing it 'in the physical world'... seeing that we're in the wide void of cyber space, I would really like to know what your ponderings about the matter have been... (or did I just spark it? lol)


        As you said, you wanted to get others of somehow similar circumstances to join in and place their experiences... For one thing that I'm sure of, most of those who've come across your blog, or even mine, exist abroad and mainly in the west; i.e. nights and nights of restless sleep due to the marriage issue.

        Chapeau! for mentioning the part about compatibility. I believe that's the main reason I haven't married yet. With a westernized mind like ours, you'll hardly, if not never, be understood; your thoughts and background are yours to suffer from, and those around you would only watch you as you try in vain to make yourself... how can I say this?... condescend?... I'm not saying this indignantly...I mean it in a good, trying-to-level-up-with-others'-minds way... but there's always a difference in the end...

        OK...I'm rambling away... lol

        The wheels in my head have been turning recently... :P

        Good luck


      3. hijaabified - Jazakallah Khair for your input.

        I'd find that pretty awkward to be honest. How would you address said person?

        "Assalamu Alaikum, I'm interested in this sister (stood next to her} can you ask her if she's interested?"

        The sister looks at you dumbstruck thinking, well I am stood here, ya know?

        That's a little strange? :)

      4. Assalamu Alaikum Sparkle,

        That's a good question. I'll put that on my 'articles' to do list.

        In summary, I'd take the same approach as the above. Send a message, contact them, see if you're compatible by exchanging a few emails and take it forward from there.

        I completely agree, you're definitely not alone. This is actually a subject I really want to touch up on. A persons personality and their Islamic disposition. How one needs to differentiate between the two and then make an informed decision.

        It's one of the reasons I wouldn't want to marry from abroad or get married to someone who doesn't have the same mindset.

        In short, don't sell yourself short. And don't despair. There are a number of understanding muslim boys out there.

        It's good that the wheels have been turning, when they start to turn it shows your pro-actively thinking ahead. Which is the best approach!

      5. LOL @ the pick up lines! a girl, if i recived such lines...i would laugh and wouldn't be sure if the guy was serious!

        marraige, so compliated yet so simple at the same time, sometimes.. a person needs to take a breakfrom it all...and then return to searching..over searching can make one confused i believe..and fed-up?.

        khair, it's the last ten days/nights of ramadan..dua it up..and insh'Allah


      6. Can i ask her number instead of her dad's?