The Concluding Introduction

So, why did I share that one aspect of my life with you?

The reason why I had started the introduction was because I had lost focus. I almost forgot the person I had become and the trials that I had faced. I had wrote a further few entries but they've served their purpose. As lessons and reminders. A reminder of the person I have become and who I aspire to be.

Earlier this year, the drama happened, you know the one when you feel like you've lost everything. And rightly so, you might have lost everything.

In that state of desperation to shout no, no and NO. Where you know so many people, you continue looking around with that blank hopeless look - 'help' is all you want. And nobody is around. There also comes that point in your life where you outgrow some of your friends.

Then you look back to see who will always be there for you. They make you smile. Because it's always those that have strong faith and character. Your love exponentially grows for them.

You know you have the right kind of humble and shy qualities of a believer. Then you also know you're super confident with serious levels of self-esteem. However, not enough to show any kind of arrogance or ego.

I call it SWAG. Something We Asians Got. (I joke!) More importantly we must become better people and in return better Muslims.

I'm making things happen. By Allah, I'm trying.

The wife part is essential in things falling into place. I'm starting to find this process tedious. I've been at it for way too long. I'm actually sick and tired of it. It consumes alot and it's a draining process. When is it going to end? Allahu allam.

The quest bladdy continues..

Eid Mubarak

Eid Mubarak. I hope you all have a blessed day and don't eat too much! ;o)

Taqaballahu Minna Wa Minkum (May Allah accept it from you and us).

I hope you all made the most of your last ten days. It was another epic ramadhan for me. Alhamdulillah.

May Allah make you all and your families amongst those whom have been granted forgiveness, mercy and protection from the fire of Jahannam (hell). Ameen. 

Catch Y'all In A Few Days

I made intention to do itikaaf this year but I had a job interview 2 days ago.

So insha'Allah tonight, I'm sitting a 5 day nafl itikaaf. I have to get 26 juz done in 5 days. I am the worlds slowest reader, so it should be interesting. I'll catch y'all on Eid!!

I got some feedback regarding the interview. I couldn't have done any better, so insha'Allah I hope this is the one!

In true quest style, I've just been informed about another 3 prospects. Time to get cracking after Eid I guess!

When I return, expect a lot of updates. I treated myself to a lovely shiny tablet paired up with a Bluetooth keyboard for eid. I've typed all of todays entries on it. Okay enough with the showing off hah.

Guys, please make the most of these remaining days of Ramadhan. Epics proportions of rewards, forgiveness and mercy to be had.

Don't delay, take up on this amazing offer today! 

Looking From The Outside

There's something ugly and/or beautiful when you step outside of your body.

Try it. Think of a place or a memory that you hold dear to yourself. Let that be your surrounding. For me, it's a really busy place - A landmark in the Arab lands. Then get rid of everyone around you. It's just you.

That feels really weird. Now step outside of your body. And have a hard, close look at yourself.

Okay enough with checking yourself out physically and saying Masha'Allah.

Look at the person presented in front of you. His qualities. His attributes. His faith. His relationships. His achievements. His skills. His character. And the defects in his character.

It's an on going list. There's one too many things to take a look at.

I've done that. And I continue to do it.

I'm quick off the mark to focus on my slip ups, my mistakes and how to rectify them to ultimately become a better person. A better Muslim. Insha'Allah.

I want to bring this back to my recent quest experience.

My biggest mistake was one of my earlier mistakes. Aisha. I wasted too much for too long. It was a bad experience. But it taught me dearly.

I took breaks in between my quests to refine me, my thoughts and my wants.

I've come a long way.

Lets talk statistics.

Aisha fiasco - 10 months. A heartache. A waste of time.

The prospect earlier this year. Very close to marrying her. 4 months. No pain. Just learnt more about me and what I need to work on.

The sister I've just been talking to - Just over 3 weeks. It would have been a lot sooner but there's always the finer details you have to deal with. In short, I managed to get results in 1.5 weeks. Made far more progress than any suitor I've spoken to.

All suitors have something in common to say. They have never met anyone quite like me. The way I conduct myself and this process? Nothing but respect and praise.

Alhamdulillah. This journey has matured me. I've always been ahead of my peer groups but this was one area I needed work on.

And my teacher asked me if I had any feelings for this prospect. I shaked my head. I've learnt to detach any kind of attachments or feelings. I can think much more clearly. I walk away pain-free. It's a good deal.

This is how it should be. Once I find her. Those feelings will be for her and her alone.

I'm doing something right. Super right.

I'm proud of how far I've come. This is how it should have always been.

Istikhara: The Final Take And Conclusion

I can't believe how quick ramadhan has come and gone. Subhaanallah. It feels like it just begun.

Apologies for the late update, I was tied up high on breaking my fast with dates (the halal kind)  and I let things pan out.

Night Ten

After night 10, things had started to turn around. Things started becoming easier and more of a reality.

This is what istikhara is all about. When Allah makes things possible and perhaps easier. If it is not meant to be, the situation becomes impossibly difficult. That, right there - That's a sign.

I was skyping  with the whole family and even their neighbours. Alhamdulillah, I got an insight from the neighbours, even the kids too.

Advice from the kids? Marry her, she's really nice. Haha.

Istikhara take ten: Complete.

Status: Good feeling.

Conclusion
We continued talking and making good, solid progression. I made a discovery. A discovery that is detrimental to this process at this moment in time. Basically, a deal breaker.

It's through no fault of anyone. It is something that is outside both of our control and remit at this moment in time.

I didn't want to call it quits there. I know how difficult it is to find good girls. So for now we've left things. However, I want to revisit this issue and see if it has changed. As for how long? I don't know is the truth. Perhaps 4-6 months?

So in the mean time because there is no commitment - If any other suitor presents itself I will continue my search. It's unfair for either of us to hang around.

Qadr. We all know about that. Right?

Just an observation. Every prospect I've pursued? They keep getting better. And closer to what I want.

Allah is true to his word. What word? I'll go into that soon enough.

Istikhara Take Eight And Take Nine

Night Eight

Nothing happened other than that in my brain.

I was just thinking how fickle human beings are. I mean seriously. I was just chillin' and reflecting, like you do.

And I was thinking If I lived in Medina how much would my requirements differ?

The answer none didn't happen. Some of the things that popped up was for example, I didn't mind if she wasn't street smart if I lived in Medina. Because after all my children would never have to deal with the kind of things I did. Nor would they have that level of freedom and struggles that we face in the Western world. It takes both a mother and a father to suceed in this society. So on that premise, I guess the requirements do change a little.

It's just one of the many discussions that take place up there. I consulted the right hemisphere and it was a stimulating discussion.

Istikhara take eight: Complete. 

Status: Unsure.

*****

 

Night Nine

Masha'Allah. The more I chill with my sister. The more I respect her. We're so alike. Strong minded. With invincible levels of determination. I'm glad she's by my side. This is the first time I've consulted her on such a scale. I am glad. May Allah bless her. And Allah make her amongst those women whom he loves. She's special. And she is wise.

We had a group conversation today. She even taught me a few things. We're starting to gain more of an insight. Alhamdulillah. More sessions like these and I shall come to know if this is the best for me.

Bi'ithnilla. 

Istikhara take Nine: Complete. 

Status: Confident. The foundations have been set. Clarity will come. The outcome? Allah knows best.

Istikhara Take Six And Take Seven

Been really busy, so dropping the two entries together.

Night Six

This was a BIG development. Things went pretty bad. I generally give people naseeha on why making your own decisions are important. Ultimately you're responsible for the decision(s) you make and that's something you have to live with and take into consideration. You can't blame other people for your decision. And this is why some relationships turn sour. The blame game. Ooo-errr.

The power of influence. An Alima give her opinion on the matter. Her family took it as gospel. Their arrangements didn't work for me. I can't make the biggest decision in my life by just saying tawwakul Allah (pacing your trust in Allah). Masha'Allah, great if you can. But I believe in tying your camel first. You have to be naive to assume two people with deen will make things magically work. Maybe in Bollywood. Sure.

Oh wait, Lollywood? Muslims, halal, get it? Ha!

I had my Tafsir class. On my way out, I wasn't content with what went down. I just needed assurance I wasn't losing my mind. I spoke to my teacher. A mufti. He's a badass to put it bluntly. Awesome and straight up he is. He gave me the peace of mind I needed from a well learned person. "SoulSeek, speak to the girl and explain things again."

And so I did. She then spoke to my teacher. He gave her some straight up advice. "I deal with a lot of marriage cases. The divorce is terrible amongst our Muslims and I think a lot of young people make irresponsible decisions." I don't claim to be a person of knowledge but I know one thing. The sunnah of the prophet is clear. We don't need 'interpretations' on most issues.

There may be a big battle ahead. Who knows?

I have a way of putting things. So she says. I think she's delusional. I'm clearly a nut job. And I've made it clear that I may turn senile before 30. Whoever is going to marry me. Good luck!

It brings me back to my original question. Do I want a trainee?

Istikhara take six: Complete. 

Status: Unsure.

***

 

Night Seven

Do I want a trainee? The truth is when you want to be with somebody, it doesn't matter where they are in life. Even if they have to learn how to walk. A building could be on fire. And the only thing on your mind will be on how to make it to the other side. That's conviction right there.

Solid progress today. Making the kind of progress I've been wanting to make from the start. Alhamdulillah. My terms are coming into play. My terms? They made sense and it's in compliance with the Shariah. She's now starting to make sense of what I initially laid down. High 5 anyone?

I just need more fruitful sessions like these to detail if she's the one.

Insha'Allah. 

Istikhara take Seven: Complete. 

Status: Unsure. However, I do see light.