Confusion Hits Home - Entry 10

I sat there collecting my thoughts on the prayer mat. An hour passed and I realised I still needed to do my Witr.  I've been occupying myself so much, it's starting to show. Zeal is the most inefficient source of energy to run on. It always leads to failure.

Mon-Fri I fit in a total of 15 classes in addition to full time work, commitments and obligations. That's 5 tafsir classes, 5 tajweed lessons and 5 gym sessions. I don't sleep a great deal these days as you can imagine. 

I sat there thinking where do I go from here? All those road maps I planned out, all those refined ideas, where are they going? This is where it begins.

What if you had something to share with the world. Something that no young Muslim has done before. These brilliantly amazing ideas spinning out in all forms, shapes and sizes. Islamically you feel inclined to offer something just to bring you closer to Allah. As a human being you have something to offer the world. As a fellow engineer, a sparkling fresh entrepreneur. Which route do you take? Or more importantly, can I achieve all of these?

Is it wrong to keep all these things to yourself? A simple, humble life - It's a nice idea.

I'm stuck because I have nobody to speak to. Nobody that can offer me value. Some of your friends still find console games the most entertaining thing in the world. Some of your friends have confined themselves just to the masjid and lack the ability to bring their academic skills in line with their deen. Others that just like talking and not doing. Then there are those who you are unable to get through to because they have their own struggles. And so on.

I have a great deal of thoughts. I am severely unfulfilled. I can't help but feel what I'm doing right now just isn't enough. There's a number of things I can throw out there and identify what this lack of fulfilment is but there's so much more to it than that.

I can't do istikhara. I have nothing to do it on.

Here's a funny thought. If I'm finding it difficult to connect with my friends and my peers. This leaves my chances in finding an understanding and reassuring wife next to nada. Ha.

The quest has completely dried up. I no longer know how and where to look.

All this? It's going to be a really difficult one. I've never been to this place before. I'm just totally, unquestionably, categorically and absolutely unsure.

Severely un-ful-filled. I'd like to see you get out of this one.

Where Has The Decency Gone?

Shamelessness. The less of it you have the more like animals you become. - Nouman Ali Khan

The more you look at someone, staring at someone unlike a decent human being. You're looking at them like an animal. A piece of flesh, a piece of meat.

Here's the fabric of brotherhood, you don't let anyone in your pack become an animal. When you see them looking at a women from top to bottom you know what they're thinking of is far from decency. Hey, what if that was your mother? What if that was your sister?

Granted we're living in a society where some women don't have respect for themselves but you need to have some self-respect and some dignity. Because meat is being displayed doesn't make it an open invitation for you to become like an animal and feast on it.

In a society where ideals such as "Freedom", "You only live once, live it to the max" and not forgetting the classical "Do what you like as long as two people consent to it, what's the problem?" It leads to shamelessness and corruption within society. We only have to look around us to see this freedom is failing society. There are many great things about this society but shamelessness isn't one of them.

We've become so immune to this filth, we have families who can sit together and when this filth comes on the TV, whilst sitting with your father, your mother, your brother and your sister we say "it's only one bad scene, it'll pass." Where's the respect?

"Oh this sister looks fine.." *Clicks - Add to friends* You're destroying your shamelessness and your character. Just a heads up; yes, she's super hot! I ain't gonna deny it but the akhira is even hotter - Jus sayin'. Not only are you going to taking your self to fitna, you're dragging this sister with you. Where's the decency?

You know that sister with the camel hump hijaab and apple bottom jeans? Or the one with the khaleeji hijaab? Guess what, 100's if not 1000's of other guys have checked her out just as you're checking her out. Do you want to befriend her just as others have? Where is the haya?

We need to revive the level of shame or it will destroy our family life. You will not have a healthy marriage and you certainly won't raise good children.

The prophet (saw) in all his wisdom warned us of a time where women would appear to be wearing clothes but they would not be wearing clothes.

If you watch and listen to shamelessness you will become shamelessness. If your company is shamelessness they will lead you to shamelessness.

We need to fix up. You hear that SoulSeek? "Loud and clear." 

Fix up.

Why Men And Women Cannot Be Friends

 

The deen is clear cut in its stance on this. This hikmah from the qur'an in how and why is just truly profound.

Lets see what regular folks have gotta say.

Warning: Contains some lol'age.

Drop your thoughts below.

It's difficult Being Male

Allah (swt) made men and women differently and here's something women will never understand.

That women are of man's biggest weakness. Easily. It's something that's uncontrollable. It's doesn't matter if you're fat or fit. Young or old. Healthy or ill. Black or White. Short or Tall. Handsome or not so handsome. What culture you come from - Men all have the same weakness.

They will never understand because in many cases Allah (swt) has made women oblivious to how much it affects us. For example, lets take a look at the ayah that came commanding believing men and women to lower their gazes.

Woman "Oh okay, that's not so bad"
Man "Man, you don't understand.."
Woman "What? Don't you have the same eyes that we do? Don't we look through the same retina? Process the same information.. stimuli? What's the problem?"
Here's the problem. Women don't understand the power of this desire that Allah (swt) has put inside of us. It is the #1 of desires that was beautified for men. It is also the #1 fitna, the prophet (saw) feared for this ummah - Women.

You will just never get how difficult it is, You will never get how it's the one thing constantly going through our mind. It's the one thing we can't just stop regardless of how hard we try. It's hard because that's just how the son of Adam (as) was created, it's natural and a part of our fitrah.

It's damaging. Just like the need of food. Remember that time when you hadn't eaten in over a day? You felt malnourished, tired, unable to move and all you wanted to do was eat. The one thing on your was that image of a pizza slice being picked with melted cheese dripping from the slice and cheese crust. OMG YUM! (I shouldn't have typed that whilst fasting!)

Now apply that analogy to a young, fit Muslim man living in western society.

When you do the unhuman thing and withhold yourself from this need. And the one halal option shows no avail? A different kind of hard begins. I don't even know where to begin in explaining this one.
Whoever makes it to the other side chaste. You sir... go and check out one of the qualities of a believer in surah Al Mumininoon between ayah's 2 and 11. You just elevated your status insha'Allah in one of the greatest feats any man can face. Kudos to you.

I have a mental draft in the form of a book on this very issue. Some day, just some day..

It's hard being a man.

This Is Belief - Entry 8

It's Monday morning and I was sat here talking to the dude across me about creationism, etymology and the great theism debate.

It made me realise what it means to be a Muslim. To believe in tawheed and to have a set of values that no man has defined.

The affair of the believer is amazing in that it is always good for him and this is true only for a believer. If something joyful comes to him, he gives thanks and that it is good for him. If something harmful comes to him, he is patient and that is good for him. [Muslim]

I pray all those who aren't mu'mins get to try this out some day.

It's hard, it's crap and it's testing but this is the very fabric of belief. Time to soldier on SoulSeek. Time to soldier on fella.

Hope Responds - Entry 7

I woke up at 5:30am to close my fast and I'm met with this wonderful news in hope's response. Hope dived into a messy situation, leaving me stranded on the sidewalk in a difficult position to clean up. So, I laughed a little. Perhaps out of sheer confusion.

I strolled into work and I just squared up to the mirror and I had a look at myself, that look . . ah that look is the look of a very, very tired person.

Clearly he up there doesn't me to get married any time soon. 

That resolves that. Alhamdulillah.

Executing Hope - Entry 6

Mr P asked me again "should we find out if she's single?" I hesitated for a while and many thoughts came flooding through my head. It came down to the following, back then I felt she was the best for me and right now I feel the same. It scared me how I had defaulted to her over the others.

"Lets do this. I'm going to do istikhara and I'll give you a definitive answer."

I informed Mr P with my answer. Mr P spoke to his wife and his wife called around and managed to speak to her.

I heard she wasn't too pleased. Heck, I was expecting worse. But the important thing is.. she didn't say no.

I had no intention in speaking to her. Nah, that wasn't the way. I was going to find an opportunity to see her mother, her father and her. Rules are rules.

I spoke to my mother and she called her mother. She arranged for us to go and see them next week to congatulate them on their hajj.

I just got a call from a number I didn't recognise.

It was her. Deja vu.

A True Love Story - III

 

Ah man, another deeeeep love story - What a status to have! 

I had the pleasure of seeing and meeting Sheikh Zahir Mahmood twice last month. EPIC. That is all.