Frustrations at one of my friends who, when we were together with all our other friends, used to tell us that he has no interest whatsoever in getting married. While the rest of us were contrary to that and thinking that we would sacrifice a lot of things to find the girl of our dreams. For identification's sake, I shall now refer to this brother by the name Ilyas. So what was the reason that Ilyas flouted his desire to never marry? The three marriages he has witnessed in his life have all gone pear-shaped at one stage (but later recovered).
This made him avoid marriage. And this frustrates me to the superlative degree.
Because avoiding marriage is like avoiding responsibility. Avoiding responsibility is like avoiding tests from Allah (swt). Avoiding tests from Allah (swt) is equivalent to a child who refuses his/her parents' love (even though the parents do everything in their power to make the child happy), for Allah (swt) tests those who He (swt) loves.
I started to analyse Ilyas and his actions. To try to understand where this mentality came from and why he has this huge reluctance to even start looking for a girl. In my life, I have met people who don't want to get married; but they were young people. Or were too financially unstable to settle down with a partner. Or were too shy to tell me that they had interests in members of the opposite sex.
But Ilyas was none of them. So what other reasons are there that would make someone not want to get married? None other than self confidence.
Ilyas wasn't exactly the best looking guy in the world. Nor the richest. Neither was he the most Islamic guy. He doesn't socialise very often; in fact, he was a very introverted character. Due to that characteristic, he would espouse his escapism via Xbox and movies. He didn't have much of a political mind, so other members of his family would make decisions for him. And even though that frustrated him at times, he would not complain because he couldn't handle the confrontation.
In fact, we used to make fun of him (out of our love for him) by saying that no girl from the UK will ever agree to marry him; and that he will have to go back to his homeland to pick a girl from the village. All because he is too obsessed with his Xbox. LOL.
Anyway, time went by and slowly, slowly, he started to admit (in secret to me) that he does actually want to get married. He joined a matrimonial website (standard. lol), but his advert was rubbish. So he didn't get any leads. Note: this was before I had dedicated time into understanding what makes a good matrimonial advert (to make mine the best obviously! lol) so I couldn't really help him on that issue. He got his big sis to help him get some leads as well.
Then, out of the blue, Ilyas calls me and asks me to go clothes shopping with him to get an outfit. This totally freaked me out. Cos Ilyas hates shopping. Especially clothes shopping. I would have been less freaked out if my ex-girlfriend came to my door and said "hi, this is your son". And I don't even HAVE an ex-girlfriend. haha. (Or a son - no matter what Soulseek says - haha undercover jokes!)
I invited Ilyas round to find out why and he told me that there was a potential that he had to impress! Alhamdulillah!! I jumped up with joy at the news and when I finally settled down, we discussed his predicament. He needed an outfit to meet this potential. But he could not spend more than £50 due to financial restraints. Fair enough, but that would even make Gok Wan struggle. And because his wardrobe was so drab and inappropriate for meetings with potential wifey, he needed a total makeover. That meant a new shirt, trousers and shoes; at a minimum.
We discussed how Ilyas should dress. Not so casual. Not so smart. Therefore, smart-casual for the first meeting. So jeans and jacket would be good with a classic pair of shoes - absolutely no trainers! And normal colours as well - don't want to use Roberto Cavalli colours - he would stand out too much and the elders wouldn't like that.
Unfortunately, I could not go shopping due to work commitments and his meeting was only a few days away. If only he had approached me earlier. Oh well. So I spoke to my fashionista sista. The only other person I would trust to dress someone up - purely cos she has worked with me in the fashion industry and subsequently has an eye for fashion. On top of that, she loved doing makeovers with me! But she also has an eye for good deals so she is able to stick to Ilyas' budget. So, she met Ilyas and took him shopping.
I called up my fashionista sista later and she revealed what she made Ilyas buy. She was thinking exactly the same as me. I totally approved! :D
The evening of Ilyas' meeting with his future family came and the brothers had congregated at my house, waiting for him to come back to town. Soon enough, Ilyas walked in. First words: "Bro, I think I pulled!!!"
HAHAHAHAHA! We couldn't stop laughing! We were so happy for him, and it was such a nice atmosphere! Alhamdulillah, the brother I thought would never marry, was now, well on his way to getting married! MashaAllah! And all in such a short space of time as well!
About a month later, Ilyas had an engagement party and I had the pleasure of kitting him out in a nice outfit for that occasion, alhamdulillah.
And just about two months after that, Ilyas got married where we had the pleasure of Soulseek's company that day, alhamdulillah.
So there you have it. If you think you're ugly. Or if you think you are skint. Or if you think that you have a crap personality. Or if you think that you have no self-confidence. Or if you think that no one listens to you. Or if you think that you have no interests to share with your future spouse. Or if you think you have no career; and no means to a new one. Or if you think that you are too short a man (or too tall a lady). Or if you think you are overweight. Or if you think you have no fashion sense. Or if you think you are not independent enough. Or if you think you have absolutely nothing desirable about you. Just think about Ilyas.
He made it. Why can't you?
P.S. Turns out my initial frustrations weren't really warranted.