Some Thoughts On Older Entries

Assalamu Alaikum,

I have some leg work to do in bringing the quest up to scratch. I'm no longer seeking marriage and I haven't done so since things began to dip down around here.

I have a lot of drafts lurking about, with full entries on my findings along the way.

Would you find it beneficial if I shared them with you? 

A Letter To My 20 Year Old Self

I find it difficult to believe I wrote this. I find it difficult to believe that this was 5 years ago.

________________

Dear SoulSeek,

What is there that you cannot do? You are on an eternal journey for greatness and success. When you apply yourself, the law of the universe is to challenge those who are weak to make way for those who want it. You are unwavering on your commitment to this journey. You will welcome those who want to come for a ride but you don't need them. You only need Allah. You have a very particular ability; Once you apply yourself to an idea, consider it done. It just takes time for you to achieve what you had set out to accomplish.

People cannot give you what you long for in your heart. This journey was always deeper than you initially intended. Throughout this journey you found yourself. Inner peace and contentment is something that no person can offer you. If you've had an experience in where people have disappointed you. You should know better. Don't confuse the disappointment of people with the disappointment with Allah. Open door policy. And if you ever feel the distance between you and Allah is getting bigger, just remember that Allah hasn’t moved an inch.

If you've gone into autopilot mode just to play things safe, you've decided that you no longer want to grow. Fear isn't a valid excuse.

If it's people who are telling you how things should be. Listen to what they have to say but remember to believe in yourself. Remember the time when you didn't think you would overcome those difficulties? And you did.

Life is simple when you're honest with yourself and others. This doesn't mean you should be rude or inconsiderate but a dudes' gotta say what dude has to say. Better you be upfront than conceal things and let them grow.

Don't worry about money, ever. You should be throwing money at sadaqah.

Don't be nice. Nice means nothing. It's open to interpretation. It's something you do regardless of how you feel or who you're being. If you're trippin', being nice means to be a fake. Don't be a fake and don't be nice. Be kind, that's from within. Observe, take a breathe and transform. Acts of kindness are who you are.

Remember the difference between fancy, pretty and beautiful.

Remember all the realistic things you're looking for in a wife. Don't let nobody justify or dictate to you the status quo but welcome naseeha. 

Remember that  you just as you have never been a husband, she will have never have been a wife. This will be a new experience. You will mature, grow, blossom and gain new experiences together.

You will get who you deserve. Allah (swt) has promised you this Surah An Noor and Surah Ar Rum. If it doesn't work out, it's not because you deserved to fail but more so a test of patience. If things became difficult, take a look at yourself - there's something you need to work on. She is reflecting qualities and attitude that you have shown her. I want you to be honest. If you made a mistake, go and rectify it. If you haven't overlook it if you can. If something needs to be dealt, deal with it and don't procrastinate.

Live your life by your chosen surah's at that given time. You will find an answer for your problem is Surah-Al Asr.

Deen is your ultimate goal. For a woman who has taqwa will never do wrong by you. You want awesome children. You want to gain jannah more than anything. As this is your ultimate resting place this will affect how you choose her.

Frustrated again? Ride it out, you have to. Marrying to fulfill frustration will leave you disappointed. Add value to your life.

This is temporary. Just as your last 20 years have flew by the next 21 will be even quicker.

You are in no rush. Listen to me. Do what you must and don't pay attention to 'how long it will take' for those days will pass anyway.

The girls you thought were the one at 16 were no longer the same when you were 18. 19 and 20. You're definition of the one is subject to time and experiences.

Your priorities will change when you become a family man. But understand why you're doing all this. Understand why it's important to be realistic. Understand marriage is going to be a bigger test for you. What you find simple others find difficult and what they find simple you find difficult. Your tests have always been difficult. Remember the tests of all those around you and before you. Now imagine what your test is going to be. Remember, shayataan plays on hard mode. He's been at this way longer than you and everyone else. He's hell bent on trying to make you fail. Whatever you do, just do right by Allah. You're in for heck of a treat. All these tests you've had? They've made you. Allah promises to make it my worth.

Remain steadfast, half glass full and optimistic. Hope for the best. It is all those things you thought it would be. But prepare, and prepare for the worst. When things horribly wrong remember Surah An-Naas. Something kicked off because shaytaan made you forget even if it was for a few seconds, These crazy years of patience are of you being a testament to that.

Don't ever stop focusing on personal development. Use Islamic principles to add value and meaning. 

Don't ever lose gratitude and trust in Allah. If you lose your limbs, get cancer and you're living on the streets. Be thankful.

Two things will define you Mr. Your patience when you have nothing. Your attitude when you have everything. You've been there before. Perspective. 

Embrace failure. Don't look where you fell but rather where you slipped.

Smile. Smile and work hard. Because your achievements and smiles make those around you glow. Dat. Aura.  

You're doing all of this not only to enjoy what's permissible but ultimately for one thing. Let this one thing dictate your decision;

Jannah. 

Chill. Stay young at heart. You're 20 and you have a long way to go. What have you accomplished this year?

Sincerely,

You

Accepting Reality

In the last 12 months I've travelled and explored six countries. I've experienced some incredible highs, some being the peak of my life. I travelled two countries back to back in November. That was the last time I travelled after falling incredibly ill.

I woke up today with a horrible feeling. Something's been lurking for months, I know because I've suppressed this feeling from arising. It's easy to identify this feel as it first affects the salah. Accepting that my imaan is not what it once was is a bitter pill to swallow. Reality hits when you discover that all other areas of your life are crumbling and crumbling fast.

Rolling with the status quo and tactfully avoiding answering any questions is a good indicator for things going south. Sharing the real picture won't get me the support that I'm looking for.

The more worrying part is that I really don't know what I'm doing or where I'm heading. What I do know is that I'm unhappy and I feel low.

I need duas. The last 6 months have been restless and I don't feel any closer to my (lack of) ambitions. 

It's Time To Stop

For as long as I can remember I've had this problem with savouring an opportunity, an experience and a moment. The problem is before that process begins. I call it perfecting procrastination.

It works like this. I have a written rule about zero days. Zero days are days where that I don't progress, develop, learn or better myself in one way another. Even if it's just a mere 10 press ups. Slow progress is still progress. I'm not allowed a zero day, despite the circumstances. My perspective and the way I look at the world changes as my understanding progresses.

My problem is that I will stop an area of development based on "Why benefit now when you can benefit more in the future".

More is the reason of unhappiness.
More is why I cannot reach new heights.
More is why I procrastinate.
More is the killer.

It's hindering me and I realise it's a problem. It's problem because I have a constant need for perfecting myself. The very idea in itself is paradoxical.

I have more books than I can accommodate. There's one particular book I've procrastinated for 13 years years since I was 12. I've wanted my mind to be at a particular stage of development before I started this journey. I stand here and I say no more.

It's Saturday and I'm starting with the sealed nectar, the biography of Muhammed (saw). After this I have 58 books to work through. You can follow my progress over at: https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/25554860-soulseek?shelf=%23ALL%23

I also have a box of vintage and rare chocolate from Hotel Chocolat to work through. I kid you not. This stuff is the crack of Chocolates. 

Procrastination. No more. I'm taking control. 

Snowstorm Across the Middle East

I couldn't help but be in awe when I saw this, more here. Subhaan'Allah. 

Snow is beautiful. It's fun when you layer up, go for a walk, throw a snowball or two.

I then came to the realisation that snow is only beautiful when we're in our warm homes. Something many of our brothers and sisters won't have this year. Allah (swt) protect all whom are without warmth, shelter and food this year. 

Allah has blessed us with endless bounties. Please make a contribution: http://www.uwt.org/site/appeal.asp?id=924 

I spent a night homeless in Venice not too long ago. Being in the cold unprepared is brutal. 

Some Reflections

In life you will make particular decisions to get where you want to be. Some that are good and some that are not so good. Those decisions, that will bring you closer to what you aspire, and others that make you feel like you've approached the opposite end of the spectrum.The decisions you make are based on your take of scenario.

Then there's an anomaly. Something that we do not account for when we're blinded by happiness, passion, rage or sadness. Parameters of the unknown that exceed our understanding. Here's where things become more interesting; the universe plays ball. It conspires to push you in a direction, at times without realising. The world and its inhabitants come together to to show you something.  And when they're ignored or not obvious enough they will return and they will keep returning until you stand up on your chair and flare your arms out to take in this epiphany, this revelation, this great insight.

Those close to you and those that you meet in strange lands show you that you're destined for greatness. It's one thing being told you have it, then it's another being shown it. You cannot expect others to have confidence in you until you have confidence within yourself.

You shrug off your future for reasons that you believe are right. To make believe that you must to do this to show humility or to remain steadfast and humble. That is deception in its greatest form; denying yourself opportunity and progression.

Personal development is an integral process in becoming the best version of yourself. Pairing ideas and techniques with Islamic principles unlocks overwhelming depths of progression and realisation. Despite how many times you repeat this cycle, that unaccounted anomaly? That, that will keep returning to remind you of who you're supposed to be.

I'm on a very special journey right now. A journey that I, could have never planned. Partly because I'm not very smart and partly because I find cat videos entertaining.

Marriage. Hmmm, it's funny how I kept hearing people talk about how after you stop chasing it, it comes to you. There's actually some truth in that. 

The Artist

An artist wakes up with a image on his mind and he feels ecstatic to put his fine Pitt pen to the canvas to begin the outline. He goes to his day job and attends to his daily schedule which is filled with meaningful activities, chores, classes, and meetings. The artist's finest strength is his ability to truly multi-task. Particularly being able to excel at his job, significant areas of his life and continue to work on this canvas in his mind.

Days pass and he still hasn't had the chance to see the black tip touch the canvas. He continues with the daily strife. Those days soon become weeks. And those weeks soon become months.

Every single day, he has been thinking about drawing on the canvas. From drawing the outline to preparing the colours. Even though months have passed since the initial inception he fills with joy as soon as he starts thinking of drawing. Throughout that period, the image keep evolving, fay beyond the first thought.

After months and months of thinking about his canvas he decides to get started. He unpacks his supplies that have been gathering dust over the months. He's confident of his abilities, very confident. Every time he thinks of his image he cannot hold back his smile. He looks at the canvas that he's set up and decides to prove his abilities on test piece. After months of inactivity, he begins a test canvas on a piece other than the one he's been thinking about for so long. A couple of hours pass by, he drinks from his glass and reaffirms his confidence.

After a short break. He gets his second canvas, stares at it for some minutes and nothing happens. There is absolutely no way this canvas can accommodate what's been going on in his mind. He sits down to think things through. He starts to get overwhelmed by the challenge that lies ahead. It's too much to take on.

He leaves everything he's doing as he has family obligations to attend to, promising himself that he's going to think things through in how take this piece through from the start through to the image he has in his head and get started tomorrow. He gets caught up in the strife again but not a day passes where he doesn't think about his piece. From the foundations and details of the piece to the size. For one: the canvas size was no where near as big enough, it must be larger - far larger. Where would he find such a large canvas he thinks. The bedroom wall it shall be.

He begins the piece. Weeks pass by, the canvas starts to take form. The piece is shaped by his daily activities as it result it becomes different from the one he intended. Every day is a work in progress. In anticipation to pick up his brush his mind wonders off to magical places. His uncontrollable imagination peaks to places other people would describe as a little crazy. As things progress, there comes a time when everything goes horribly wrong. He feels he's ruined it. Ruined beyond repair. Months pass by and every day he looks at his wall, his gut churns out of disgust. Even though he doubts himself, he continues. Just as things start to take look better many more things go wrong. He continues through this cycle. Time and time again.

After some years. It's complete.

He steps back and tears fall out of his eye. The canvas in front of him was not how he had intended his piece. Each day that passed by changed how he incorporated each detail. The end result was something he alone could not produce, his design was not intended to be as such. It was simply beyond his initial scope, scale and remit of thinking. It was overwhelming. It was mind-boggling. It was just... truly magnificent.

Belief paired up with hard work eventually paid off.

It's staggering how alike this artist is to me.