Pages

Monday, 13 January 2014

Accepting Reality

In the last 12 months I've travelled and explored six countries. I've experienced some incredible highs, some being the peak of my life. I travelled two countries back to back in November. That was the last time I travelled after falling incredibly ill.

I woke up today with a horrible feeling. Something's been lurking for months, I know because I've suppressed this feeling from arising. It's easy to identify this feel as it first affects the salah. Accepting that my imaan is not what it once was is a bitter pill to swallow. Reality hits when you discover that all other areas of your life are crumbling and crumbling fast.

Rolling with the status quo and tactfully avoiding answering any questions is a good indicator for things going south. Sharing the real picture won't get me the support that I'm looking for.

The more worrying part is that I really don't know what I'm doing or where I'm heading. What I do know is that I'm unhappy and I feel low.

I need duas. The last 6 months have been restless and I don't feel any closer to my (lack of) ambitions. 

3 comments:

  1. Salaam,

    I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so lost and frustrated with yourself, will keep you in my duas; inshAllah Allah makes things easy for you and you get back on the right track with things again. I'd offer some inspiring thoughts here, but you've already said it all in your letter to yourself! lol :) I hope that you're taking your own advice and staying patient with yourself through all of this

    ReplyDelete
  2. Strangely this is similar to what I felt lately. Its the perfectionist in you, that image of how things *should* and shouldnt be in our minds, and for me its a sign of drifting from my ibadaat/good habits. I can only reccomend to you a dose of *Salatul layl* and Sadaqah/feeding an orphan, and lots of positive thinking, hopefulness in the future and trust in His Wisdom. Speak to Allah of what's in inside you and complain to Him.

    I ask Allah to shower you with His Mercy and enlighten your heart..

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ya Mutakabbir.

    Surah Rahman, Surah Yasin, Surah Waqiah. Listen to them - full blast. Every day.

    ReplyDelete