While my little sister was in college, she had this extremely good looking friend who was quite Islamic, apart from one thing. This girl didn’t wear a scarf properly – it would not cover her neck; just her hair. So I had mixed feelings on this one, back then. I can’t say that I wasn’t attracted to her, but the fact that she didn’t wear a hijab properly kinda put me off at the same time. I had only just started uni as well, so I was skint as anything. I knew I couldn’t afford to marry or to settle down with someone. So I didn’t think too much of marriage; nor her. Nevertheless, I still have a story to tell. From this point forward, we shall refer to this girl as Aisha.
Several years later, my mother suggested that I speak to Aisha regarding marriage (Aisha’s family were distant family friends of ours). I politely refused, since I remembered that she didn’t wear hijab properly. I didn’t want to lower my standards. And besides, I had not seen Aisha for several years either. The conversation ended.
A few days later, I was out walking with my friend, and I was telling him about Aisha back in college and how my mother was now so intent on getting me married to this girl, and about how funny this whole situation was. At that very moment in time, I noticed this stunning looking girl walking towards me. Dressed like an angel, covered from top to toe, gliding majestically towards me in full grace. My feet froze as she came closer and my eyes were fixated on her face, trying to figure out who this girl was. She looked familiar. She looked up. Avoiding eye contact with everyone and carried on walking.
That’s when I realised this girl was Aisha.
I waited for her to pass and get a distance away before I turned to my friend and asked him “did you see that girl? That was Aisha!!”. My friend looked back and said “wow, she’s pretty”. Hell, yeah!!
I immediately called my mother to tell her I had just walked past Aisha and declared that the only reason why I didn’t want to pursue her before (due to her not wearing hijab properly) was now void. And that she would make a perfect wife. Not that I have actually had a conversation with Aisha to know that. Lol.
My mother said that she would make some calls and see what happens.
Needless to say, I was sleepless that night. Ecstatic.
Turns out that my mother couldn’t contact the family straight away. It took a couple weeks to find out their phone number and by that time, they were away on holiday or something. So Aisha was pushed to the back of my mind so that I could concentrate on other important things going on in my life.
A couple months passed and my mother finally spoke to Aisha’s mother, who gave my mother Aisha’s email address. This was passed on to me, but the problem was I didn’t know what to write to her. She probably doesn’t even remember me. Or what I look like. And it certainly doesn’t help that we have never spoken to each other. The most interaction we had was when I was chairing an event in uni and she was one of the attendees. So every draft email sounded weird. After much procrastination, I decided to send the following message:
I hope you are well...
My mother gave me your email address a few weeks back.
Just wanted to make sure that I read it correctly”
I put my name at the bottom and pressed “send”. Immediately afterwards, I realised that if someone had sent me this email, I would ignore it. So I figured that I’ve probably lost my only chance with this girl and didn’t think much more of her or the situation.
Several months passed and (yep, you guessed it), I couldn’t stop thinking about Aisha. I kept picturing her face, how she walked, how she dressed, how she moved...
So I decided to tie my camel.
I know which mosque her father goes to on Fridays. Not my usual mosque, but also not very far from where I attend either. I am now on a mission. And I shall name this mission “operation target dad”; since I believe that the parents can make or break the relationship. Once I get him on my side, then I’m sure Aisha’s mother will be on my side as well. Then once the parents are ok with me, then surely, it would influence Aisha’s opinion of me for the better... right? Or would she think that I’m just a geek?? I don’t know. But the level of not knowing would be much greater if I didn’t act. At least, if I tried and she didn’t like me, then I would have some sort of closure. Then I can work to get over it and move on.
I found her father at the mosque. I gave my salam and sparked up a conversation with him. He started to ask me questions regarding my background – my work, where I live, etc. After my replies, his eyes sparkled. “Ohh, are you so-and-so’s son?”, he asked. Then my eyes sparkled. “Yes, yes I am!”, I replied. Luckily for me, my father has a good reputation in the community. Then we talked about how he had met my dad on several occasions, and even came to my parents’ house as well. Unluckily, I had not been there when ‘possible future father-in-law (Insha’Allah!)’ had brought his family over.
Subsequent weeks followed and conversations grew. That’s good. I could show my Islamic personality. Hopefully, when he thinks of marriage for his daughter, he will think of me as the most suitable man! Or maybe I need to grow a pair and just ask him the big question. Why the hell am I so shy when it comes to things like this?? I could easily talk to the girls I meet at work. Even real pretty ones. The pretty ones that make some guys stutter when they talk. So I’m definitely not shy. In fact, when I was thinking of a personal description for my online matrimonial advert, I was asking big sis for feedback – I told her I had described myself as ‘shy’. Big sis laughed down the phone. Then she made me change it.
So I’m definitely not a shy guy.
But I had cold feet every time I come near this topic of marriage. Oh! I just had a thought. Is my heart not in sync with my mind? Does my heart long for love, while my mind tells me I’m not ready?
Stop. I’m going off on a tangent again.
These thoughts will just drag me down. I want marriage. I need to do this. I need to bring up the conversation of marriage. Or maybe I can just bring my dad to the mosque and let him do all the work. Haha. I like the sound of that. Ok, now that the plan is set, I just need to execute the plan. Oh man. Cold feet again. Ok, baby steps. That’s how I developed my staff into the great people they are now. It’s how I taught myself how to do things like drive quickly, read Qur’an fluently, or read music with ease. Baby steps gradually increase your confidence until you come to the point where you can achieve anything.
So first baby step – to gain confidence – is to respond to the numerous messages (yay!) I got from the matrimonial website and see where that takes me. Apparently, the more often I log into the website, the more prominent my profile becomes.
In fact, I went all out. I felt like a playa! Haha! With several girls on the go. Shame they turned out to be non-serious people.
Except for one... :)
Hmmm... who would’ve thought that tying your camel actually works out?