Friday, 8 April 2016

When Domestication Strikes

Assalamu Alaikum old friends. Longest time yet.

Recently I came across A letter to my 20 year old self. It scares me that I, SoulSeek wrote this.

Sure, over the last couple of years I've travelled over some 80,000 miles, learnt some incredible lessons during my travels, become a husband and had a few more surgeries. I believe I have created some value. However, this guy... he was something else.

I recently come across a folder called 'Ideas'. It was just that - a dumping ground where I wrote passing thoughts and plans. I wrote in here many years ago.

One entry contained the following:

"I  have everything to offer to this world. I come from a place of where failing is not an option.

I am going to change dynamics of where I live locally and nationally.

I have a clear and defined methodology that will create change. It works because this how key people created ripples in history. I also have more. Our society and our youth are facing a unique set of circumstances. I've been a product of those circumstances and I have overcome them. I know what it takes to be this change.

I have this vision of my own place, a large warehouse or academic centre. Heck it can be a shed. It will be the hub to mentor and support others. I will employ some of the very best people this country has to offer. People with heart. We will build a movement across the country.

I want to create independent thinkers that can deal with broken homes, crappy relationships and stand up for the truth. We will become the best versions of ourselves. Islam is what guided me and it will always remain as my ideology. My invitation to you is to think. We will progress physically, mentally and spiritually. We will revive as individuals and as a nation once again.

I have the tools to support you.

I will not rest until I liberate Al-quds from the oppressors. Or that Allah blesses my children to follow lead if I fail.

Me and you are going to change our lives. Our families. Our communities. First, change begins at home - with you.

My end goal is to please Allah."

And it went on.

I am not this man right now and I have not been this man for a while. I've suppressed him and I've typically become the man I never wanted to be. Sentenced to work 5 days a week looking for a house in order to extend this sentence. Excited for the weekend to catch up on sleep, pray in the masjid and quite frankly; the simpler things in life.

I simply have no words.

I welcome your thoughts, Jazakallah Khair.

P.S. I've missed this; you guys. A lot


  1. Walaikum salaam wrb

    Welcome to married life ;)

    Reading this post echoes my own experiences too. OK - so I wasn't *SO* ambitious and amazing as you were in terms of drive and vision, but I sure was a LOT better than what I am now, in terms of what I wanted to with my life.

    The line "Sentenced to work 5 days a week" resonated a lot for me...because in my marriage, my first job was like a prison. And I think it did a lot to kill my creativity (or put it in a deep sleep at least) and drive.

    Then, of course, the kids came along and almost all personal time and ambition was put in the back seat (or the trunk, actually) for however long it takes for them to be old enough to be independent.

    I don't mean to sound depressing, but this is life. It's probably a well-established pattern among so many of us.

    The important thing is to never let your mind be imprisoned by the external circumstances you find yourself in. Hard as it is, I think we HAVE to try to keep that flame of ambition - those dreams - alive. And work little bits of it into our daily / weekly lives.

    You may not be able to change the world anymore, but you can do little bits here and there insha-Allah. Small and consistent - that's the golden rule.

    May Allah help you to maintain some semblance of your former self, so that you may achieve great things in this life...even if it's not as grand as you hoped it would be back in your idealistic single days :)

    And remember that we don't see the bigger picture. So your role as a husband (and later father insha-Allah) may bring you to doing amazing things which you otherwise would not have acheived. We don't know what's best for us, and how best we can do good in this world. Allah knows best, and we have to just try our best with whatever circumstance He brings us to.

  2. Hi I'm a new follower and coincidentally logged on yesterday and read your latest post. All I'll say is you hit the nail on the head when you said change begins with you...having a wife...a family is a blessing. Remember that what you now have was once all you hoped Epicurus quoted. Having a wife and family requires work...every day you must invest your energy into your marriage, choose her, choose your family, count your blessings and be responsible for your own happiness for her sake as well as yours. Be grateful everyday. I'm a single mum, I learned the hard way you only get out of life what you put's easy to get sucked into the rat race grind but this is part of your test, your journey. If we all had the time and provisions we would be capable of so much more. All I'll say is I have similar goals/desires to change the world but right now I have a 3 year old boy I'm raising alone. If I can raise him to be righteous, pious, respectful to women and kind to this earth then I've at least made some difference to this world (IA) and who knows what good he will do as a man. Start with your own health, mental and physical, choose and embrace the opportunities you have right now be grateful every day...and you will find/make time for your passions.

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  5. If nothing else, I'm sure the wife you chose is open to your vision in life. She may have struggled to settle into married life as you may have - with all of the changes and responsibilities it comes with but I'm sure she wants to support your ideas. Have you shown her your blog? Have you let her see your journey the way we have? Have you truly shared everything with her? If not, let her in on your journey and if you have shared with her, give her a true chance. Give her time and don't just give her attention - pay attention to her. She will pay attention to you. Take her out and sure, share your journeys with us but more importantly share them with her. Make her feel as important as we as your readers felt that you shared so much with us.

    Wonder why I think you should focus on her? She is the best support you can have. Invest in her. Force feed her your ideas and your vision until they become hers and pull from her, her ideas and digest them until they become yours and do it repeatedly. Remind her constantly and ask her to remind you.

    And you will be the dream team. And guess where the dream team leads to? Dream children. And where does change in society begin? In the home. When we plan to change the world and make a difference and feel we're failing or lagging behind, it's often because we're neglecting our homes. Focus on her. She is your family. She is your home. She is your partner in all of this. Give her a VIP seat next to yours on SoulSeek's journey. I guarantee you'll come back on here with a much clearer and positive mindset. InshaAllah.

    Please respond and let me know what you think

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