The Burial

Mid July and it was a warm and sunny day in sunny England. I rushed to the masjid and I entered ghusl room to wash my father.

The room was dark and dingy. To the right there was a small kitchen unit with buckets and jugs, the floor was made from beige tiles and the walls were aged. There was a steel station to load the body on which was slapped in the centre of this small room. Something about this room felt awfully cold.

It had been a long time since me and all my brothers were together. It took a death for us to be here.

I removed my thawb and I put some latex gloves. I aligned the steel station to load the body on, we all proceeded to lift the body on my count. When I lifted my father, the remains of blood from the post-mortem ran across my arms. It ran across my arms because I was lifting the core of the body, my brothers were in some other place on the edges. Blank faces across all of them, they were afraid and unsure what to do. I too felt afraid. Although I was the youngest of all my siblings, I had to step up and stay there.

I walked over to the sink and I washed the blood off my skin. I looked at my brothers and I told them "It is our opportunity to cleanse our father. Our last moment in privacy. This is our time now to spend with dad, lets make the most of it."

I lead the ghusl. I can't quite explain this now but there is something strangely peaceful and intimate about preparing your loved father for his journey.
 
After the janazah, we arrived to the graveyard. We lowered the coffin down. As the most physically abled, I went down alone. Although there were over a hundred people talking and some giving instruction, I zoned out and felt nothing but silence. Time slowed down. "His journey is about to begin" I thought.

I was brought back to reality when the large concrete slabs were being passed to me. I covered all the gaps and I climbed out in my bare white socks or what remained of them.   

The burial began. I ensured every attendee participated. Ajar and a reminder all round. 

In times of death and discomfort families come together to seek comfort, console and help one another. In theory that's what should happen. Ours happened to cause us grief, lie, spread fitna and make it the worst possible experience for us. I've never come across so many wretched vultures in one day. May Allah save us all from such people.

Our people are bent on following their forefathers which happens to have bidah, kufr and shirk. Have we not learnt any lessons from the qur'an?

Pakistani folks are ya'aani.. crazy.

Alhamdulillah, I'm one of them.  

When One Life Ends Another Life Begins

The last 3 weeks of my life have been surreal. I've always believed that the direction of my life and my purpose has always been shaped by the events that I have been surrounded and tested with. Regardless of the situation, I will always strive towards the truth and stand by Allah to the best of my abilities. I'm prepared to face the consequences. I yearn for success. Jannah.  

______________

Patterned bright light. That's how my blinds look at 7:30am on a fine British morning. The best feeling is when you wake up naturally. The worst feeling is when you wake up to hearing your mother's voice trembling.

The first time I heard that voice was when my mother had an accident 9 years ago, she woke me up crying for help. The second time I heard that voice was when all this started. I woke up to hearing my mother distraught, informing me that my grandmother had passed away. My eyes jolted open and the only words I mumbled out were "Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'oon". I got up and I ran downstairs, after exchanging a few words my mother left.

My grandmother was Dad's aunt but she is what I believe a real grandmother would represent. She brought my father to this country in the 1950's and she raised my father as her own. She taught my mother everything she knew, she was her companion. She would support my mother through hardship and she was the light of the community. She was a fantastic human being. Those that are in the service of helping others. She was always present throughout my whole life, we did Umrah 10 years ago and she only lived 4 doors away.

Cancer. Seeing cancer kill somebody before your very eyes over 3 months was just something nobody could take lightly.

I informed my siblings. Everyone was devastated. I'm the youngest of the 6 siblings. My eldest is 21 years older than me. My sister lives the furthest out, she called me and told she informed work she wouldn't be in today. I remember just lying on my bed for what seemed to be seconds but turned out to be closer to an hour, contemplating on the qadr of Allah. I heard my father, I went downstairs to have a chat with him. He talked of all that she did for him, a real upset. He continued and did what dad always does, he asked me if I was okay along with my car and everything else. We both left the house together and we were amongst hundreds on the street. Everybody was directed towards the masjid. I told my father I'd meet him there, I took upon myself to go and clean our second living room, should they need our house to seat guests.

I started working through a huge workload of laundry. I was lost in my thoughts. I scattered over a months worth of clothing, a serious amount to get through.

Working through the clothes I heard the door knock loudly. "It must be another parcel" I thought. Although whilst walking down the stairs I couldn't quite remember buying ordering anything. The knocking got louder as I approached the door. I turned the key and swung open the door. What I saw in front of me.. didn't quite make sense.

It was my brother, my father and one of the neighbours. I saw arms on top of each other but I couldn't make out what was happening.

"Call the damn ambulance, now" my brother yelled. Without a second thought I lept up 3 steps at a time to grab my mobile from my bedroom. Whilst calling 999, I had no idea who it was for and what it was for. Whilst on the phone, I was put through to an ambulance.

The neighbour told me something was wrong with my father. We sat my father down and on the phone I went through my fathers background, and his medical history. I was asked to reassure my father. That, I did. Soon after, my father was touching his chest. His body was awfully cold but he was sweating. He was having a heart attack. The neighbour and brother ran me through what had happened.

Dad was walking back from the masjid, my brother was driving and he happened to see my father. So he parked up and thought he would quickly catch up with dad. He turned the corner and he couldn't see him. "Strange" he thought. So he continued walking forth, he then saw somebody at the corner of his eye. It was dad and he fumbling into somebody's garden.

The paramedic arrived just after the ambulance. They loaded my father up and took him inside the ambulance. We all stood outside for 10 minutes. Stood there motionless, the only thing I could do was dua. Hundreds of cars were packed up from the death, the road road was blocked. As the ambulance door opened, I went inside to accompany my father. One of the paramedics mentioned a coffin being taken. "That's my grandmother" I said. The team of paramedics just looked at me with my father lying down. "That's awful" one said.

Little did I know what was to pursue would be the longest few days of my life.

We got to the hospital and I sat by my father. I was hopeful because my father has always been phenomenally strong. That's all I've known him to be. I assured him everything was be alright. He looked at me and he said "not this time". "Dad, trust in Allah, we're going to be walking out of here soon". I genuinely believed that. A heart surgeon came and he gave me a prognosis.

After a few hours hours, doctors had gathered. It was messy, I saw a lot of blood. I was asked to return in a short while, by that time my family had arrived. My sisters were in tears and the rest were distraught. We waited and we waited. Nobody would tell us anything. A family friend used to be a senior doctor there, he came within minutes of being called. After being in the dark, a doctor came with the brother he explained to us that our father went into cardiac arrest. They managed to revive him with some adrenaline. He explained to us that our father is very sick. The only chance they had at making my father better was to use a stent. Using this stent there would be a chance of pumping more blood to the heart. They put him asleep so his heart wouldn't have to work as hard.

A few more hours his health was deteriorating rather quickly. After having a briefing with the senior surgeon, it was then that it home, that my father could no longer keep up with the world.

It's a strange feeling when you cry for the first time in your life. And there's something odd about seeing the floor move whilst you're sane. Mr P came to the hospital, he comforted me and he did this amazing thing. He told me that now was my turn the shine.

10 hours had elapsed with dad in this state and I saw my siblings crumble in front of me. Grown, mature, family men and women having breakdowns. We all had a strong relationship with our father. It was too much to bare. I had never seen my siblings in this state.

I'm not sure where this courage came from but I stepped up. I sat down with each one of my siblings, I comforted them, explained the situation, prepared them and explained how we could benefit dad. Some were easier than others but after spending the whole night and the following hours, I got through to them. I then proceeded to start making the necessary arrangements for the worst, should that happen.

I went to make fresh wudu. I then lead in front of friends and family as the sole reciter of the qur'an. Some joined suit as you soon come to realise that there no real words of comfort in this state. I realised it took an immense amount of strength to stand there and do this for all of us, especially my mother. By midnight, we had an immense number of visitors. The whole community was there.

I forced my siblings to eat and get a couple of hours of sleep. I didn't eat nor did I sleep. At 5am by my fathers bed, I felt low on energy. My neck was cranking sideways a nurse managed to slip a pillow under there. I was on the verge of falling asleep until I felt my phone vibrating.

For the last 7 months I was pursuing a suitor, I can say with conviction I gave this one my all. She was unaware of what was going on. She dropped a barrage of texts, clearly had a lot on her mind. As we were not in touch for a while. You see, we decided we wanted to marry but there were some obstacles in place. We mutually discussed that Islamically it would be best for us not to talk idly as we had already invested a serious amount of time, effort take make a decision.

Anyhow, she wanted to end things. She requested to talk to me but I was no in position to talk. So it happened over text. It was a giant confused block of text. She attempted to explain how me waiting for her is unfair and she couldn't do this to me. She thought she would saving me the heart ache by walking away. She also felt that I offered more than what she believed she offered in return. I was unaware at this time that her family had been causing her grief.

I responded by informing her what had happened. And I told her that I understood her position and gave my salaams. Just like that. I invested in her so dearly and I let her leave because right now, I had much more important things on my mind. 

Watching the man you love and respect die before your eyes is soul destroying and heart breaking. Then to have the remaining pieces walked on by your fiancé. That was heavy.

After sending two of my siblings home to their families. I picked up the qur'an and I continued reciting for a short while. 

I stopped and I thought "Alhamdulillah. Qadr... This is qadr. And this is just another test. My imaan is increasing."

Being the youngest of my 6 siblings, I've had to rally and keep everyone real strong especially my mother. Everybody was feeling stronger, they said I picked them all up. But there was nobody to pick me up. In this midst of all this chaos our cousins were plotting and planning.

Little did I know that 5 hours later, my father would die.

To be continued..

Smashing Hardship On The Nose

During your lifetime, you will recall moments of joy, happiness and laughter.

Then there will be moments of sadness, grief, oppression and corruption.

Fortunately for me, I'm challenged with a barrage of upsets in my life. Things have gone from bad to worse. It's tricky.

Misfortune is a moment of fortune. It builds character and it elevates your status in Jannah. 

A lot has happened and I need some perspective. I'm hoping that writing will open something up for me as I attempt to saviour the remaining few days of Ramadan. Allah is my only hope. Now is my moment to shine. Here's me giving it a try. 

Muslims On Time Keeping And Promises - Shaadi Edition.

Perhaps it's unfair to title this as Muslims as opposed to ethnics. But just a few thoughts on how it should be and how it is.

It's an unwritten rule it for ethnics muslims in showing up late. Heck, I must ensure I arrange a meeting time up to an hour earlier depending on the ethnicity/friend. Even then, they still some how manage to come late. Word.

I was meeting with some new friends recently and to their amazement I happen to be the only ethnic that actually shows up a little early.

It's a good quality to have. It's a part of our culture and our identity as Muslims. It's a part of our Salah in congregation. However, we've increasingly seem to have lost our ways.

Bringing this back to all things marriage, here's something that happened.

5 good friends. Married friends. All of whom I've approached within a week. I've never asked these guys to find me a suitor in the past. I've held the opinion that getting to find a prospect through a mutual friend is always more beneficial as there's the ability to vouch and find out more about a person. I dropped it to them that SS was on the market.

4 of these friends are between 20-25 and they've all been married for a relatively short time. I know what they've all been through in order to get married and they're practising brothers. Guys whom I've helped and befriended. They were on team SS, 'It's about time dude'. Little did they know I've been at this for a while.

They were enthusiastic.

I must say, I was taken back when the following happened:

• 4 of the 5 brothers had somebody in mind that had either approached them or their wife. A few guys had over 3.
• 3 of the 5 brothers had promised to make something of it get back to me over a couple of days. It's now been 6 weeks 5 of the 5 brothers have done nothing. 
• 1 of the 5 brothers stopped responding to me. 
• 5 of the 5 brothers didn't follow up after 2 weeks. 
• 2 of the 5 brothers have met me since the initial meet and they never followed up a conversation on marriage. The rest didn't meet nor follow up. 1 of those is from another city.
• 1 of  the 5 brothers tried. He didn't promise and he's been on the watch. He's only been married for 7 weeks and he had more of a reason not to get back to me over the others.

I understand how it's like, being married and being busy. I really do. It's why we make excuses for each other.

But there's something severely wrong here. 2 of these contacts are wanting to become scholars/imaams. They both promised.  

#RealTalk is real talk. For these guys it was just a matter of "You interested? I'll pass the brother your fathers number." It takes a couple of minutes. And that's how it should be.

Here's an example of what I did for a brother I met in the masjid and my sister's best friend.

1. My sister told me about her friend. I told this brother. He was interested and vice versa. I made a phone call to both parties with my sister present and it took about a minute each. 2 Minutes.
2. Exchanged pictures between the 2. It took them about 10 minutes each to get back to me. 1 minute of my time.
3. We arranged a meet with dates and times.

In total this took 4 and a half minutes of my time. This was the long way of doing things because there was direct contact between both parties as opposed to ringing her wali due to some circumstances.

One of my friends waited 8 weeks for any movement to happen. Then he withdrew because the family were quite frankly on something. This does not compute. Stupid is what it is. And I'm not contributing towards this cause or letting my peers. It's beyond a joke.

I've done this many times in the past and it's a few minutes affair.

It's crap but you have to deal the cards you're dealt with. I'm always finding way to improve these things. A couple of things that have greatly reduced in wasting my time:

1. Be Assertive - Lay down the (reasonable) cards. It shouldn't take a suitor weeks to think about the initial step. The intention is there or it isn't. I personally don't wait for longer than 3 days. That's enough under normal circumstances. If she's unsure about pursing. Guess what? There's thousands more who are sure. Don't waste time and move on.

'I don't want to offend anybody.'
'I don't want to seem desperate.'
'I should just hang around, right?'
'I don't want to cause a scene.'
'He might think something of me.'

I've seen these thoughts and many others like these. Brothers and sisters a like are not getting anywhere through the lack of assertiveness. Time to step up without being difficult or arrogant.

2. Remind them - No one wants to come across as desperate or impatient. People do forget and people do get caught up in their life. Don't be afraid to nudge them. It's your right. And It's improper in keeping you hanging. I usually get updates every day or 2 whenever time permits. If there's no movement, move along - nothing to see here. 

3. Don't put your eggs in one basket - People will let you down. It happens. I wasn't surprised when this happened. Before I approached these brothers, I sought alternative routes.  They delivered and this didn't. It's a part of the journey.

4. Don't take it to heart - I knew 2 of these friends were bad at time keeping, not so much the promises. Here's my general attitude: I don't expect things from people because I will then never be disappointed. If they do something, I will be genuinely surprised. It keeps any ill feelings and bitterness at bay. Lets not get bogged down. The world has as many let ups as let downs. (Just make sure you high five all the let ups, they're awesome people.)

Our Ummah isn't short of time wasters. Lets not be a part of them. It's a horrible quality to have.

A Muslim is not permitted to argue with a fellow Muslim, to make fun of him, or to make him a promise that he cannot keep. [Tirmidhi]

Saying you will do something and not doing it. What you're doing is you're opening the gateway to destruction and corruption not only within your character but throughout your relationships. Don't destroy the very fabric of brotherhood. Think twice and hold to your words tight.

A promise isn't a privilege. It never was and it never will be.  

How Would You React To This?

I met up with a friend and we went to a big, independent, homely coffee shop.

When I walked inside I couldn't help but notice this sister. That one glance had caught my eye and that was it, I didn't need to look again. An hour later she got up and left with her friend.

Whilst talking to my friend, I excused myself for a minute and I was about to do something never done before. I stepped outside the coffee shop and I looked around to see which direction she went. I then saw her a hundred yards down the road to the right. I jogged up to her pace, she turned around and it went something like this:

"Assalamu Alaikum, apologies for approaching you in this fashion and I know this is going to sound bizarre but are you married/looking for marriage?"

Her reaction was priceless. She need some time to collect herself.

"I'm so sorry but this is quite overwhelming. Give me a second, I'm flattered ( ... ) I was looking for marriage and... I guess I still am?" she said.

She then looked at her friend for some reassurance, she got the thumbs up.

"Sorry to drop it on you like this. ( ... ) Can I contact someone who is responsible for you?"

I jogged back to the coffee shop. I had no idea why I was jogging but I was jogging. I sat down and my friend asked me "where did you go?"

"I can't believe I just did that" I said under my breath. I was looking at her father's mobile number on my phone.

What's The Latest?

I've been extremely busy in keeping myself busy. I haven't had the opportunity to write up like I intended. But just a quick overview on what I've been up to.

I've been blessed with this ability to do well whenever I fully apply myself to something. One thing I'm continuously doing is to become the best version of myself in every single way possible. Breaking this down to a simple 3 tier model. Physically, mentally and spiritually would be the main points of interest

Physically
I was always very fit and strong. I decided I wanted to shred up, so I went away and worked a 6-pack. I can officially say I've been in the best shape of my life. I'm right where I've always wanted to be. I can now do muscle ups! I'm working my way to a front lever and one-hand handstand. I 'm not so sure if this would impress a suitor but it keeps me busy.

Mentally
I've had some seriously chilled mantra going on. I don't feel stressed even when the going gets tougher. I've been continuing with self-development from different perspectives and paired up with Islamic principles, I've found new ways in becoming:
i) A better human being.
ii) A better Muslim.
iii) A more effective communicator.

Spiritually
I've maintained a steady flow of ibadah. Although studying tafsir had taken a hit. Mufti who taught us for 3 years was kicked out of the Masjid in standing up against falsehood. We live in strange times. After putting in 3 years and studying 5 days a week, I'm still missing half a qur'an. There is no one teaching tafsir around here. So I'm currently open and looking for some new opportunities. I've found that I'm certainly not reading as much as I once did. I feel more consumed in other areas of my life.

Questing
This has become easier. However, the tests have become increasingly unbearable. More on this another time.

I did get the opportunity to travel, granted it wasn't for as long as I would have liked but it was almost half way around the world with 3 brothers, so I welcomed it with open arms.

That's all for now. I will report back on some findings.

Peace

The Resurgence

Assalamu Alaikum,

Yo yo yo! It's been a while and I pray that you're all well and in the best of imaan and health.

The last 6 months have been another well documented experience. I'm back and I'm going to make a commitment in writing again.

My reasons are many but on top of that list is to raise my level of understanding and awareness. Vague? Perhaps. It will all become clearer.

Yo DJ, it's round 2 baby. Hit me up and spin those entries in!