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Sunday, 20 January 2013

Masturbation, Porn and Zina

It's time to kick it. 

My biggest fear is for practising brothers seeking. Particularly for the dudes whom it has become obligatory to marry.

Where their desires are no longer just desires and they've become needs. They fear committing Zina.

Marriage has become immensely difficult for some. It's dangerous for those whom have been looking for a while and they fear zina. Bear with me, I'm going to try and keep this short.

In Islam some say there's a logical principle in choosing the lesser of two evils based on the Qur'an and Sunnah. However, this principle is used and sometimes abused to justify choices. This principle is based on where one doesn't have a choice. So even though, it's a sin, it's the lesser of two sins. In this instance; masturbation.

Almost all of our imaams are quiet - they're busy arguing over who's going to be the all new appointed and official tea-maker. I've travelled high and low; nobody is addressing this in any community I've visited. 

I originally spent a lot of time reading and finding evidences from classical scholars to write a paper to submit. Infact, I started my original draft 4 years ago but I left it for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I am not a scholar. Secondly, I fear accountability of any kind. And finally, I believe you don't have to enter deeper fiqh to see a few issues that I will highlight.

We live in a society that promotes it's healthy to masturbate. Islamically there's a difference of opinion. Many whom have no outlet and cannot control their urges fall to porn and masturbation. In the real world, I've come to realise it's far more common than we think it is. Many practising brothers and sisters are deeply being challenged in remaining chaste. So admirably they will do whatever it takes to avoid Zina itself. Porn and masturbation replaces that. As it's being used as this concept of the lesser evil.

There's a huge problem with this.

We know the repercussions and punishment of Zina. It's why many of us trying so hard to be amongst the muttaqin and the sabiqun.

Whilst we see Zina as the ultimate sin, we fail to see masturbation and pornography in the same light. There's something more going on with porn and masturbation.

For someone who's trying to be a straight up obedient Muslim and they fall to Zina. It usually goes something like this: The person will either hit that point of frustration, make the intention and go for it, or they accidentally got in a situation, hit that point of no return and it happened - mistake. Either way, it was a physical and outward action. The deed was done and acknowledged. Bas.

The biggest industry in the world, bigger than all the Top 100's we know of; porn. The novelty never ends - So it caters for every kind of porn imaginably. It widely, freely and easily available.. even to hand-held devices.

If you go to Google Trends and search for some generic filth related words, you'll find the Muslim nations are amongst the highest ranked. 

Regardless of whether or not porn is used; hyperstimulation is still prevalent in both circumstances.

That physical action and the person at the receiving end of zina is no longer a 2 party action. This is all you. A secret. You go for it whenever you want and as often as you want. A 1 man ting.

What does this mean?

This short video is essential viewing for understanding:


It leads to some serious problems, such as:

  • Shameless. More an animal and less of a human being
  • Seeing and treating women as sexual objects
  • Degrading women and not respecting them
  • Ruin your spirituality and your relationship with Allah
  • Premature Ejaculation
  • Erectile Disfunction
  • A life of misery, lack of fulfilment, loneliness, depression
  • Addiction 
  • Anxiety
  • Slave to desires - Acting on impules
  • Sexual performance problems
  • Conventional sex is no longer fulfilling
  • Waste of time
  • Fatigue
  • 'Deathgrip' - When you can no longer be fulfilled by actual sex
  • Emotional imbalances
  • Chemical imbalances
  • Physiological and psychological imbalances
  • Guilt 
 
Just to name some. Unfortunately, I've seen one more or more of the above with young, practising Muslim men.

This is a serious problem. It is ruining our communities and future communities, It will creep up when you get married. And it's an imaan killer. Shaytaan and his homies are thriving on this right now.

Immense advice from Nouman:


Masturbation will not help you. Porn will not help you. Think of it like fastfood. It's great whilst you're at it but terrible in the long run.

There's a massive community full of muslims and non-muslims whom have identified this disease and they're actively abstaining from porn and masturbation. The people lurking NoFap and pornfree are in the millions. It's a lot more common than we acknowledge.

Check out these essential resources:
Nouman Ali Khan - Sexual Desires, Never Give Up Hope, Modesty & ShameShamelessness
Pornography Addiction Among Muslims (Stories & Tips) - Muslim Matters (Quality info on comments too).
Ramadan: Time to Kick Porn Addiction Out of your System - Muslim Matters.
/r/NoFap Community for abstaining from masturbation.
/r/pornfree/ Community for abstaining from Pornography.
Your Brain On Porn Series - Info on Porn Addiction.
Purify Your Gaze - The Only Muslim I've come across active challenging this issue. Sign up for his email, his work seems fantastic and it's such a small price to pay for some good counselling.
Infogram on porn - Some interesting stats.

For the love of all things good. Get AdBlock (Available for other browsers too) and Stylish for some awesome scripts, especially for protection on youtube.

This isn't just exclusive to dudes, the women are also going through this. These issues are part of a much wider communal issues such as homosexuality and abuse.

You've got to make an active effort in seeking help. We all need to acknowledge these issues as opposed to ignore it as one of the many taboo issues we have.

A brother in need is a brother indeed - islamicsoulseek@googlemail.com

11 comments:

  1. Here's my question. If it's wrong to lust after porn stars because it's 'Shameless and animal like', 'treating women as sexual objects', and 'degrading women', then why is it okay to lust after your wife? I know that people are intimate for multiple reasons, but isn't part of that usually lust after certain parts of her body? Why is that not degrading or shameless or animal like? And I don't think it matters that she wants it. Porn stars want us to look at them as well.

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    Replies
    1. I think that is a very illiterate point to make. If somebody wants you to do something does it automatically make that action OK?

      For example, if someone wanted you watch them beat up his spouse- would you feel comfortable and OK doing that? No because its wrong you'd either want to look away or do something to help the poor lass.

      And in terms of your wife, you get married so that you can control and exercise the inherent desires you have in a well established contract. The contract of marriage has been established and recognised for centuries as a way in which to exercise those desires in a healthy way.

      The women (and may I add men because it isn't just women) that display themselves in this way, publicly are cheapening themselves- are not acting, in any way, as proper human beings. It is not human to parade around without clothes or do what they do (without going into too much detail). Why should we support these actions- because technically your involvement by seeing, by participating in these types only increases the support and audiences thus increasing the industry.

      If there was no demand- it wouldn't exist. End of.

      Delete
  2. Assalam.o.Alaikum,
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    ReplyDelete
  3. Jazakullah Khairan, I read your article and it is very well written summarizes it well, well I struggled with porn for long and elhamdulillah I managed to overcome it on my own and its been years now but there are times when I get those glimpses not because I want to but because I have a desire and need to marry and my parents make it a burden upon me but for masturbation I struggle to put it off and I still am I feel guilt, ashamed but I cannot seem to convince my parents that marriage is a need, I almost feel like I am gonna collapse like stressful, exhausted and pain sometimes I go really down with my prayer I can hold it but at times I feel I can't and really when I do masturbate than I can't pray or thats how I feel so I wait to take a shower or take a shower immediately and other times I miss my prayer but elhamdulillah its been awhile since I missed a prayer and I feel great when I am constantly praying but shaytan is ruining my mind and everytime my parents speak sometimes I feel guilty because all they think about is benefitting themselves and not for me to get married. I am confused and don't know if or when I will fall into zina, and I know it's one time and really there's no coming back I may repent but it will never be the same, May Allah protect us and keep me patient! I ask for your prayers my brothers!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You and I are in the same boat.

      It has been a straight week since I've abstained from porn and masturbation use but my thoughts often get flashbacks during the day. Some days I'm really in control and others I beg Allah to get me through my desperate struggle. I start getting heart palapitations and I feel pressured by my body. I want to get married also but like your parents mine fall in for economic opportunity. Honestly it would be easy for me to tell myself "I have no control over this I'll just take it easy until the time comes to get married" but I know all too well that it's not good enough. I've changed a lot of my habits like I stopped listening to music, going on websites that randomly might have nsfw content, and I started growing my beard and listening to the Quran in my car, reading the Qu'ran at home, receiting Suras,remembering Allah and that keeping in mind it's completely up to him whether to help me or not. you name it I've tried it. I want to say it has helped me overcome some incredible obstacles. My problem is that I'm still a man and these desires build up no matter if you completely lower your gaze, I keep reminding myself that these are tests. But as human nature is I get impatient. I truly can only rely on Allah I have no other way of knowing anything if I'll even be successful today or tomorrow. I pray for you and the others in this ummah whatever tools you can use to combat this. I recommend you recite the last two ayat of surat al baqarah after fajr and isha, this should help repel shaytan. The key to remember here is gratitude you must remember to keep your faith in Allah and to not look at an explicit sight with a casual gaze. If I look at woman twice even unintentionally I'm always repenting to Allah. I don't believe what others say that this may sound "extreme" what I've come to know is that we must develop a relationship with Allah to strengthen our imman. We're spiritually depraved in this era of time.

      May Allah be with you

      Delete
  4. I really enjoyed this article just because the topic being discussed is one that needs to be addressed by scholars as we're entering a climate that is presently and increasingly infiltrated with these issues.

    The great thing about the Sahabah and earlier Muslims was their desire to know, about everything, to get information and help themselves against problems they were facing. Nowadays, especially in Britain I think personally, people are happy to suffer in silence or Google it in the privacy of their own homes.

    Opportunities need to be made available to speak about issues that are seen as taboo and people need to be more active in seeking knowledge.

    -M&M

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  5. There is definitely a lack of discussion on this matter so it's a pleasant surprise to see you dedicating a post on the matter. The shame associated with these problems prevent people from speaking about it. But all the more reason for scholars to discuss the matter with helpful solutions.

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  6. Thank you for posting this. JazakAllah khair.

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  7. i quit for 13 months, it was great at first. then i found myself jobless, in my late 20's and no marriage in sight so i went back. i had the impression that if i cleaned myself things would be better but i had nothing to free my sexual desires so i felt so much anxiety and plus lots of free time so the perfect formula was formed and now i can't stop. 3-4 days a week.

    h.karajah@yahoo

    ReplyDelete
  8. It's hard but in the end it's you and Allah. If you leave this form of zina Allah will give you something a better. Allah will reward you with a better wife and a better life. Remember depression is synonymous to the one who commits sin. May Allah save me and you.

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  9. Assalamwalaikum...
    Masturbation is absolutely a sin for unmarried people. Our body has natural ways to release sexual tension through nocturnal emissions(wet dreams) People who think by masturbating they are staying away from committing zina are in complete darkness and in the shade of shaitaan.
    1)
    A narration attributed to Hasan ibn Arfah reports:

    “ Nabi (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) said, 'Seven persons are such that Allah will not look at them on the Day of Qiyaamat nor will He purify them nor will He include them among the learned and Allah will enter them into Jahannam. They will enter Jahannam first except for those who repent. As those who repent Allah will accept their repentance.
    A person who masturbated.
    A person who performs the act of sodomy.
    The person upon whom the act of sodomy is performed.
    A perpetual drunkard.
    The person who hits his parents so much that they appeal for help.
    The person who harms his neighbors so much so that they curse him.
    The person who commits adultery with his neighbor's wife.
    A narration attributed to Abdullah ibn Masud reports:

    “ We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allah’s Messenger said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power." Bukhari:5066.

    Being muslims we should follow wat is sunnah!! And Allah loves those who keep themselves clean and pure!! May Allah guide us in right path...Jazakallah khair

    ReplyDelete