Friday, 19 November 2010

And Then There Was. . . . NINE!

I thought getting over Aisha wouldn't prove to be very difficult. I wrong. Very wrong. I had too many how and why questions come up but I really didn't know. One fact that I did know, is that it happened. I had to accept it, and deal with it. Oh, move on too. 

We share a lot of mutual contacts/friends, so her name would always pop up somewhere. I just kept being reminded of her. It was starting to bug me. I tried detach myself of all emotions and feelings. I started to get somewhere.

Since June options had started to surface. I felt quite bitter about everything related to marriage. I just did. I didn't want to pursue anyone. I heard about a few girls interested but I just let it be.

I had told myself that I would now officially be 'riding this single crap out'. (T-shirt material! Hah)

In our lives we're sent with difficulties. At times I felt like I was my threshold kept being broke with something more severe. The whole marriage process just didn't compliment my reality.

So, I gave up on the whole idea of marriage. Lost the complete drive for it. Walking in the streets seeing girls smiling. Muslims and Non-Muslims. My response? Devoid of any feelings or emotions. It was here it hit me. I was lost. Really lost. 10 months ago I was this guy that was Confident. Intelligent. Laid back. Determined. Helpful. Humorous. Full of so much positive energy and hope. With a smile that would make most peoples' day. The majority of that had just sunk.

I've always been regular with my prayer, dawah and classes. They keep me in check, so I can never skimp on them. Whether or not we like it suffering is a part of life. Friends were there but there are times you just don't want to talk. This was one of them. I turned to that one deity I knew best. Allah. Nothing happened for a long time. Things were becoming progressively more difficult. I had to keep my cool, when you become worked up, it doesn't make a situation easier. 

We verily created man and We know what his soul whispereth to him, and We are nearer to him than his jugular vein. [Surah Qhaf:V16]

I kept patient. And more patient. Now check this out.

The opportunity for Umrah arises. I take it without thinking about it. Time to reset myself and reflect on what had happened. 5 weeks. Perfect and beautiful. 

I come back from Umrah. I see smiling faces. Hundreds of them. Friends and family so happy and proud of me. I looked after a number of old people including my two mothers (mum and aunty). They're all so thankful and full of duas.

I graduate too. The only guy to make it from our family. A big, big deal. Again, so many people proud and happy for me.

"You've accomplished a lot for your age. When are you taking the next big step. Marriage?" Almost everyone would ask a question along these lines. Ah, yes. I remember you. The one thing I used to be psyched up about. Well I wasn't feeling so hot about it. I'd always respond with something as short as "Insha'Allah".

One sister contacted me. 'There's this sister who's been on your case for months but I knew you didn't want to consider anyone but she wants a response.' This sister masha'Allah had a lot going for her. Masters degree in Arabic, meant to be nice etc. And I felt that I couldn't consider her. For a number of issues at that moment in time.

I was surprised to find that I had a number of proposals/potentials lined up. There was 9. That's right 9. A very mixed bag of sweets. From a niqaabi/alima to a non-hijaabi. There would have been more on my plate but I managed to convince my teachers that now wasn't the best time.

My sister caught wind of this and so did my friends. I got hell of a blasting all round.

And they all said something similar.

"Allah (swt) may provide you with something good. And that opportunity may never rise again."

I had no come back. Because it's true. They were also right. Who gets 9 in this day and age? 

I found answers. In a good financial position. I know better than before what I want. I am becoming better than that guy 10 months ago. So what's stopping me?


Drum rolls please! 

I had to start again. I know how I ended up in the position I was and that will not happen again. A surge full of energy. I was returning. Better and stronger than before. More mature. Responsible. All the things I used to be 10 months ago, plus more. 

Turn your wounds into wisdom. [Oprah Winfrey]

So, I present to you potential #1. Mum arranged a meet. To say it was wasn't what I expected it to be, is an understatement.

Totally not what I expected. 


  1. Salam Seeker of The Soul :)

    Not that I'm gonna add anything about what you've said, but just to point out, that I'll be studying you...


    P.S: how's that for suspense >:)


  2. thats good that you have moved on, the worse thing is walking around feeling like an empty shell of your former self.

    agree with "RedBerries" but can you ever be prepared for such things?


  3. If I was in your shoes (and...well...I have been) I feel that any heartbreak is a hit to your self esteem
    It's easy (with that half angel / half devil we call "retrospect") to look back and conclude "man I got that, that and even THAT wrong...ouch! Ouch, Arrgh! the pain! the pain!" -
    its a natural defence to give up rather than fail again - feel that disappointment.

    Its not so much the broken heart or the loss - its the disappointment that hurts, its an anti climax. Its that disappointment that we avoid. The broken heart is romantic, dramatic and many ways, it's an experience that many wish they could experience.

    But disappointment?
    Cold, bleary and grey like England rain - no rising crescendo, no violin, no heroics.


    It's horrid.

    Avoidance acts like an umbrella, shielding us from the pesky wet sting of it.

  4. Sparkle - :O

    Jasmine - Bravo.

    p.s I want to adopt you! :)

  5. salams,
    the following is totally random,
    my salams to geetar hero, this bro was cooler than you br. soulseek. he used to leave comments on my blog. and you don't! tsk tsk.

    just joking. i was reading br. hero's comments and how helpful he had been to me. so i wanted to pass my regards to him. that's all.

    wasalams :)

  6. Salaam, just found your blog. I have learned that one should always explore all avenues given. Once the door is closed it may never open again. I think it's all part of the journey.

  7. As salaamualaikum,

    Totally know how you feel. Past few months I had just taken a break from it all and the last week of December, I remembered why I wanted to get married. I realize that things don't just fall into your lap, you have to make an effort. But mashaAllah, you have 9 proposals! That's a good lot and inshallah your someone special is among them. :) I'm glad you gave it a try but what happened next?!! Don't leave us hanging. :o

  8. Sailoress - Please don't be mean! Hey I will drop by, I have a lot to say but typing volumes does frustrate me as I'm stranded for time!

    Honest Waffle - Wsalaam. So true.

    S4N - Absolutely, this stage is difficult and beats the most of us and we lose motivation. Stay strong Sister :)