And Then There Was. . . . NINE!

I thought getting over Aisha wouldn't prove to be very difficult. I wrong. Very wrong. I had too many how and why questions come up but I really didn't know. One fact that I did know, is that it happened. I had to accept it, and deal with it. Oh, move on too. 

We share a lot of mutual contacts/friends, so her name would always pop up somewhere. I just kept being reminded of her. It was starting to bug me. I tried detach myself of all emotions and feelings. I started to get somewhere.

Since June options had started to surface. I felt quite bitter about everything related to marriage. I just did. I didn't want to pursue anyone. I heard about a few girls interested but I just let it be.

I had told myself that I would now officially be 'riding this single crap out'. (T-shirt material! Hah)

In our lives we're sent with difficulties. At times I felt like I was my threshold kept being broke with something more severe. The whole marriage process just didn't compliment my reality.

So, I gave up on the whole idea of marriage. Lost the complete drive for it. Walking in the streets seeing girls smiling. Muslims and Non-Muslims. My response? Devoid of any feelings or emotions. It was here it hit me. I was lost. Really lost. 10 months ago I was this guy that was Confident. Intelligent. Laid back. Determined. Helpful. Humorous. Full of so much positive energy and hope. With a smile that would make most peoples' day. The majority of that had just sunk.

I've always been regular with my prayer, dawah and classes. They keep me in check, so I can never skimp on them. Whether or not we like it suffering is a part of life. Friends were there but there are times you just don't want to talk. This was one of them. I turned to that one deity I knew best. Allah. Nothing happened for a long time. Things were becoming progressively more difficult. I had to keep my cool, when you become worked up, it doesn't make a situation easier. 

We verily created man and We know what his soul whispereth to him, and We are nearer to him than his jugular vein. [Surah Qhaf:V16]

I kept patient. And more patient. Now check this out.

The opportunity for Umrah arises. I take it without thinking about it. Time to reset myself and reflect on what had happened. 5 weeks. Perfect and beautiful. 

I come back from Umrah. I see smiling faces. Hundreds of them. Friends and family so happy and proud of me. I looked after a number of old people including my two mothers (mum and aunty). They're all so thankful and full of duas.

I graduate too. The only guy to make it from our family. A big, big deal. Again, so many people proud and happy for me.

"You've accomplished a lot for your age. When are you taking the next big step. Marriage?" Almost everyone would ask a question along these lines. Ah, yes. I remember you. The one thing I used to be psyched up about. Well I wasn't feeling so hot about it. I'd always respond with something as short as "Insha'Allah".

One sister contacted me. 'There's this sister who's been on your case for months but I knew you didn't want to consider anyone but she wants a response.' This sister masha'Allah had a lot going for her. Masters degree in Arabic, meant to be nice etc. And I felt that I couldn't consider her. For a number of issues at that moment in time.

I was surprised to find that I had a number of proposals/potentials lined up. There was 9. That's right 9. A very mixed bag of sweets. From a niqaabi/alima to a non-hijaabi. There would have been more on my plate but I managed to convince my teachers that now wasn't the best time.

My sister caught wind of this and so did my friends. I got hell of a blasting all round.

And they all said something similar.

"Allah (swt) may provide you with something good. And that opportunity may never rise again."

I had no come back. Because it's true. They were also right. Who gets 9 in this day and age? 

I found answers. In a good financial position. I know better than before what I want. I am becoming better than that guy 10 months ago. So what's stopping me?

Nothing.

Drum rolls please! 

I had to start again. I know how I ended up in the position I was and that will not happen again. A surge full of energy. I was returning. Better and stronger than before. More mature. Responsible. All the things I used to be 10 months ago, plus more. 

Turn your wounds into wisdom. [Oprah Winfrey]

So, I present to you potential #1. Mum arranged a meet. To say it was wasn't what I expected it to be, is an understatement.

Totally not what I expected.