"And We created everything in pairs that perhaps you might take heed." [Qur'an 51:49]
A number of months back I had a number of potentials available. It was a very busy time at uni along with with Islamic commitments. I turned to istikharaa and it lead me down this route. A route of meeting a very precious diamond.
A quick background; her parents were of a very academic background, daddy's only baby girl, very pious and the most intelligent woman I've had the pleasure of engaging with. A year younger than me.
From the very start we set the precedence of informing our parents so they were completely aware of our intentions and communication. All halal. Things moved fast. Really fast. This girl really tested me. Lets just say I've never answered so many questions in my life. Think hundreds of questions. I was very impressed. Alhamdulillah. Things were going extremely well. We hit a few hurdles but I'm firm believer in where there is a will there's always a way.
We came extremely far in such a short period of time. There were a number of people on the ground whom we referred to for istisha'raa (consultation of those we trust). We both gained extremely positive/pious references. Every aspect for marriage checked out. Personalities/Piety/Backgrounds etc
She was extremely tight knit with her parents which I really admired and respected. However, this meant her decisions were heavily influenced by her parents.
Long story short her father said it probably wasn't a good idea in us getting married. He felt our families wouldn't be compatible. Fine, I accept that but I didn't even get the opportunity to meet with them in person nor did they mine.
Me being me, I always try to the best of my abilities. I wrote the father a letter and I addressed his concerns but it seems like there was no basis for his decision. He told me his references checked out that; I was a very decent, mature and pious guy and they heard good of my father. He also thanked me on his and his wife's behalf for treating their daughter with the utmost respect. He said she held me in very high esteem. This left me extremely confused.
From what I understood, his basis for his decision was that his reference suggested that our families were very different. Okay fair enough but at least see for yourself if that is the case? Is diffierent bad? What is different? I still genuinely don't understand but sometimes we just have to accept certain circumstances. I still wasn't dismissed per se but we both needed closure. She said she was very sad to learn people tried to sabotage this this potential marriage by stirring up a number of issues. I got a good jist of the issue as a number concerns came my way. Alhamdulillah, she saw past all that. Ah - we live in a very sad state of affairs in this ummah.We decided to get closure and let it be. We left things on an extremely respectable note. She held me in a very, very high regard and vice versa.
This was 3 weeks ago. I went through that very difficult phase of reprogramming myself and my emotions.
I had never seen her in real life although she had seen me. Earlier this week at an Islamic event, I was walking and I noticed someone looking over at me. It was her. Wow. Subhaan'Allah. Such a beautiful, elegant and modest woman. Now - I really understand when all my references came back telling me that 'I must tie this camel'. When you put the most amazing personality to that face in person it really does make it that wee bit more difficult! That look she gave me . . . hurt. My heart and feelings have been at discomfort since.
Jummah morning I woke up got ready and on my way out I just saw my mother. I hugged her and briefly told her. She suggested that I should get in contact with her again and allow my mother to speak to her so she may communicate with her parents.
I strongly believe that when a chapter is closed it should stay closed. Sometimes its better to let go. Or is it?
I'm extremely blessed to have some amazing brothers whom that I can console in and receive advice, especially in such circumstances.
Allahu Allam. There is someone else but I now need to contemplate. Don't be sad and the Qur'an - you are my saviour.
I pray that Allah makes it easier.
