Remember the plan? What plan? Come on guys, ya know: this one!
I proceeded with the plan and its pretty funny how things work out. Funny now, because I can only look back and move forward.
I contacted Husna and laid out everything on the table. I shared my thoughts and told her how how I felt. I shared how these weren't just emotional feelings after a bollywood special. This was something serious. I explained how I was making a stand for something I believed and what I wanted. (Sounds good, right?)
Que the wait . . the anticipation of waiting for a response was a killer! Her response was as follows. She was really shocked and it took her a while to sink in and she shared similar sentiments BUT (there's always that damn but) whilst she felt we got on really well and had similar future goals her issue was familiy. Now this is where I'm profoundly confused.
She said how things didn't go ahead because her parents felt uncomfortable, she took that as a sign from Allah. She said she felt she shouldn't have to persuade her family because if there is blessing in it, Allah will make it easy.
Now I'm not the smartest guy but I completely disagree! If something is by the decree of Allah (i.e this situation) it doesn't always fall into place. You have to work for your rizq (provisions).
So I asked her a few questions and I received a response. Unfortunately she really didn't want to see outside of the box and gave no indication of wanting it to work.
So there you have it. The chapter of Husna has been closed. I have so much respect for her and I pray Allah finds her someone equally as decent.
How did I feel? A strange feeling.You know how I carried out the first part of the plan? I thought it worked until Aisha struck a chord back. Conveniently just as I was responding to Husna. She didn't accept things this time. She fought back. She changed my feelings for her.
Aisha's story is by far the most compelling experience to date. This girl is special in a very different way. I'm having difficulties in writing an entry for this one. I never thought I would encounter that problem.
Females, you are interesting creatures.
Lol yes we are rather intersting but I think we can be a bit too intersting that its annoying and hurts your brains trying to figure us out.
ReplyDeleteHmm I didnt get what was her parents uncomfortable about?
It does sound like she wasnt reinforcing her feelings, I thought you guys over came that hurdle before though? Of her just going along with her parents views?
Ah, well... you know, looking for a partner is difficult, but even more when there are feelings involved and then it just comes to this. Its a long, complicated, mind jolting and heart halting process.
InshaAllah you will find the one soon! Just keep yourself a bit detatched until things are actually set in stone (i.e. a definate 'yes' response is given by the girl)
peace x
Her parents did istikharaa for her and check this out here is what her father said to me; someone approached Husna's mother saying "we're concerned for your daughter, is she okay?" they took that as a negative sign amongst other things that she isn't ready. You can understand why I started to lose the plot a little.
ReplyDeleteHer father then gained a reference about me and my father and they were positive however he felt that our families were different. Again I must be really missing something obvious here but how can you pass that judgement without even meeting us? Define different. Is different bad.
Truth be told this could have been a difficult marriage, with her father thinking for her. An extremely intelligent girl but she depended a lot on her father. Don't get me wrong. I admire the bond and respect between the two. However, being dismissed unfairly, ah a bummer.
Aisha came straight back into the picture. However, I'm really having difficulties in writing out a post!
Ah I see... if things were difficult at this stage then I guess they wouldn't be much easier later down the line. It's for the best anyway if it's Allah's will, He has something better for you dont worry. :) (maybe I should tell myself that aswel lol)
ReplyDeleteAnd when you said about the 'different' family thing, sounds cultural to me, maybe they would find it hard to adjust, more so, maybe the father felt that his daughter would find it difficult? Ah I dno.
Get writing dude, it's the highlight of my day lol. Here's a tip- play the story from where you left it, unfold your thoughts as the events occured, and then tell us at the end how you feel about it now. (Although I assume you would do that anyway). Catch you tomorrow, it's late. Tc
Wow, this is almost like a romance novel...a halal romance novel..lol, no just kidding. Anyway, yeah, this all sounds confusing. I guess your feelings get all confused and stuff. Good luck with everything.
ReplyDeleteaaaaaa!
ReplyDelete..brother I abolutely admire you and I have the highest respect for you. I've just stumbled along your blog.. and its amazing. I love it :p
May god bless you and help you along this journey.
I know Im with the brother in terms of reading this like a novel haha.
ReplyDeleteBut I don't agree with the perspective that "if it were meant to be, it would be easier." I think its a lot of crapeesh. Not everyone is meant to head down the same path. And we know as muslims Allah tells us "do you think you will not be tested." Just because life isnt being handed on a silver platter doesnt mean Allah doesnt want you to reach for the food on it.
My husband and I had a lot of issues in our engagement, however most of those issues had to do with outside influences like friends and family. Oh my gosh I can't imagine just what if I had decided to give up and say forget it. Alhamdoolilah that we are together today. I think we should follow our internal instincts, not the instincts of others.
If you don't get to that point of thinking for yourself, well good luck being married because it will be a rough road for you. You can't become an adult overnight. :)
At least thats my perspective
There's benefit in everything bro...like if you hadn't sent that message to Husna, there would never have been the closure that you feel now, knowing what you know about how she (and her father) feel about the situation.
ReplyDeleteI always think the most difficult actions yield the most beneficial results.
Salaam
salamu alykum br. soulseek,
ReplyDeletei agree with everyone else as to how glad you must be to be out of the "limbo" that uncertainty.
I find it rather bizzare how everyone here agrees with you? I had a similar situation, an anonymous brother proposed for me, being from different culture and proposing as an "anonymous" just wanting to know if I'm interested in marriage at this point of my life.
As an evil as I'm, of course, I used my CIA team to investigate to find out who he is etc. and I prayed salah tul istakhara, I knew him superficially on the campus looming around and that's about it and after the prayer, my heart felt at unease. and I consulted several knowledgeable alimahs to discuss. they said, to follow my heart.
and I did with bare minimum explanation as to why I should turn his offer down.
A year later, I am grateful that I did. al hamdulilah. As I learned more and more about him, I realized how incompatible we are.
so, Power to Pray Istakhara!
also, I don't want to come off as devil's advocate either. Sorry! I'm just trying to explain the other perspective. Do not intake to offend you. insha'Allah.
ReplyDeleteIs there any one who can interpret Istakhara? If any one can help i will be glad
ReplyDeletesalam brother.
ReplyDeletei dunno if this is experience of mine is relevant. im a girl in my late 20s and i was getting to know a guy. all thru out our 'frenship' i always update my mom..even the nitty gritty. my mom didnt comment much cos she didnt want to get in the way. after a few months, this guy and i had a fall out over minor stuff. when i told her, it's not going to work out between us, my mother said she was glad.. she had no idea why but she just had a sinking feeling abt him all this while. she didnt really know him other than what i'd told her.
i dunno if u can call that a mother's instinct.
have faith in Allah's plan. if it's good for u, it will work out one way or the other. if it isn't sth is prone to happen no matter how smooth things are at the beginning.
good luck to u and me both :)
A/S
ReplyDeleteI just want to say that just because you dont understand her thoughts and feelings doesnt neccesarily make her wrong in not pursuing this further. Some children hold a lot of stock in their parents views. These are people who raised,fed,clothed,educated her.
P.S
A quick Q...where are you meeting potentials? My friends struggling to meet brothers in a halal manner...is there like a FB group or sutting? lol
Effervescent - Wasn't cultural at all, her parents were of qualified academic backgrounds'. Lol it's not about that, it's just very difficult.
ReplyDeletey - Oh wow that just put me right off writing! :)
Munah - Ah Jazakallah Khair, that means a lot!
Is-za - Completely agree, thank you for your thoughts
RedBerries - Walaikum Salaam, Indeed there is. I wouldn't be I'm in the position I am without these key experiences!
ReplyDeleteSailoress - Walaikum Salaam sister, not at all. Everyone's entitled to their thoughts. The funny thing is, we didn't have a hunch on each other. Compatibility wise, we were just as weird and funny as each other. It was just her father. Allahu Allam.
Anon - Walaikum Salaam, Insha'allah Khair. I pray things only become easier for you.
Kav - Wsalaam, I didn't at any point say she was wrong. Her loss? Maybe. Wrong? No.
Networking is the key! Facebook seems to be quite hot at the moment but again that's based on networking. So all I can say is connections connections!
Ok - the thing you need to know about girls is this:
ReplyDelete1.) they will always choose to be nice rather than be straight because they dont want to hurt anyone's feelings. So instead of saying "no thanks" they will say "oh, I would have loved to but I am actually going to timbuktu that week" - this is why males go mad trying to figure it out because females never say what they mean, they will always "be nice" - they will "send a message" rather than just "tell you"
2.) If they are interested, there is nothing in the world that they won't overcome. Females who are really really interested will beg and plead the parents "please give him a try" and "you haven't given him a chance" and blah blah blah
3.) Young single women don't realise that their "being nice" is actually leading a guy on, so they will smile, be nice, accept invitations and so on -even when they have no intention of anything happening - its the whole "being nice" thing - so it may feel as though you are getting lot of signals, smiles, nods, positive body language etc and totally misunderstand it
4.) Girls who are interested generally turn into social morons as their hearts and bellies flutter so much, that they actually stop functioning properly - so that cool, intelligent girl with a vast array of friends that goes silent when you come along - she probably likes you. Girls who like you will also blush, start behaving in an unusual way and send her friends over to check you out. Most likely she will ignore you completely - so again, girl language, its a weird language.
5.) Unmarried girls spend like 80% of their time talking about guys - which one, whats good, whats bad etc etc - so if a girl likes you - the other girls will steer clear of you. If it has been reported that you had been in any way shape or form anything close to involved with a girl that the other girls know of: forget it - she's not interested in HER leftovers. Girls who are interested in a guy research him, follow him around, find out where he goes, what he does, what he's interested in etc etc and then act like complete idiots when he is around.
6.) Actually, as I am writing this I am starting to become aware of how psycho female communication and thinking actually is
Sorry. I wasn't trying to say that you thought she was wrong.
ReplyDeleteWhat I meant was that sometimes its hard to see the other persons point when really there should not be a problem with things working out.
When parents are involved, they influence a child heavily and maybe that is why she is reluctant to pursue it as it would make her family unhappy. I can sympathise (to a point) with the girl because as daughters we have a greater feeling of responsibility towards our parents. So she is sacrificing a great catch like yourself(Y) in the hopes of pleasing her family and maybe Allah (swt) will reward her with better.
( oh n thats just my theory on it!)
P.S. seeing as its about networking...know any bros aged 26-30 looking to marry??? ( who I can check out on FB!! lol)
oh and a quick note to jasmine....
ReplyDeleteinteresting post/comment but alhumdulillah some of us girls NEVER did any of the things u decribed!
Ok well in my case, I didnt do any of the things u described and probs spent most my time either talkin bout/eatin food or playing computer games!
I have to agree with Jasmine about being nice. Rejection is hard, getting rejected is harder and girls try to soften the blow, and try not to make it seem like it's the guy. "It's not you it's me" and all that. Again, varies from person to person & everyone may not feel the same way.
ReplyDeleteHusna may have been trying to do the same thing. Maybe there was some doubt and she's using her family excuse or her family is using istikhara as an excuse. I feel it's easy to misinterpret istikhara especially those who have already made a decision subconsciously. I had misinterpreted my istikhara completely. Husna's family should have definitely given it a try to get to know yours at the very least.
Khair, inshaAllah. Perhaps it is better for you because if she really depends on her father, there may be a disagreement on several matters between the both of you.