Seeking Marriage - Part 3

Point number 3: Be direct and, approach either her/her friends and attempt to get her fathers number. 

Why is this so difficult?

Appropriateness 

This is a problem. We don't free-mix with the opposite sex freely. This is frowned upon as the general rule of thumb in Islam is . . whatever leads to haram is haram in itself.

There are opinions out there that state it's permissible to look (within reason) and talk to girls with the sincere intention of marriage. Note the keyword sincerity.You know where to draw the line.

Dilemma

This is where it becomes an issue. Muslims are scared because we ultimately think . .  Who draws the line?

In regards to all aspects in life we have the same dilemma. How do we resolve it? Educate ourselves - Follow the Qur'an and Sunnah. Whoever follows these two sources will never go wrong.

Once you know your boundaries, stick with them and don't compromise.

This is where networking comes into play. It makes life somewhat easier.

Depending On Others

I dislike depending on others. Some are just lazy and see it as burden if you ask them, others won't do a very good job. Let downs is what we call 'em around here! Besides you accomplish and overcome boundaries by doing something for yourself. 

I personally find it better to interact with the girl, you can find out sooner if we're compatible. Then we get the families involved. 

Make It Easier

I think both guys and girls could ease the burden off one another. If you're approached make it easier for someone to obtain information. Don't become best friends and start flirting/giving your life story away. That's lame.

Girls like it when a guy's 'mysterious' and vice versa. 

If someone shows they're not interested. Don't feel rejected or down, let it be known that person is not for you and move on. It wasn't meant to be.

Be smooth, pray to Allah, do dua, educate yourself and it's all gravy!

Have I missed some obvious option? How do you guys/girls like to be approached? Come forward and give a shout out!

Seeking Marriage - Part 2

Part 1

We've determined that Allah (swt) has a decreed a number of things in our life. We also know that we have to actively go out and seek our provisions.

So how do we go out and seek marriage?

This is the one we all have problems with. We think on how on earth do you approach a guy or woman?

Do we use the following chat up lines:

> Girl when I saw you I said mashallah . . then I said inshallah!

> Allah created everything in pairs, so what are you doing single?

Or how about . . .

> Wanna ride shotgun on my camel?

> Is your dad a terrorist, ‘cuz you da bomb!

I've never used any of these lines and I don't intend on having a go for now. However, if you do decide to use one . . . let me know how it goes!

Lets take a look at some options.

Where to look

No doubt the best and easiest place to find single muslims are at Univeristy and Islamic Events in the West. In addition, there are family/friends/occasions/events to widen the search. Basically take every opportunity you can.

Where I live there are a lot of single muslim girls looking for marriage. Most young muslims realise it's the only way to be in an acceptable relationship. What's the problem then? There's a lot of incompatibility issues.

Networking

Networking is extremely important in this game. Make your self known and available on the market. Friends, family and relatives. Plaster it on Facebook if you have to ;)

If your network is small don't distress. Alhamdulillah it's fairly easy to strike a conversation with any muslim. Just be yourself and make a diverse range of contacts. As with all human beings you'll encountered some amazing people and some completely opposite.

Making the move

You've been on the prowl, you got your connections and you 've come across the girl you want to know more about. She's got the hijaab on, dressed modestly with noor glowing on her beautiful face. What do you do?

Here are some scenario's:

1. Sending a female (be it your mum, sister or relative) on your behalf to spark up a conversation with her.
2. If the above is is not possible this is where networking comes in to play. You get one of your friends to find a female to interact with her.
   
3. Be direct and, approach either her/her friends and attempt to get her fathers number. This is pretty awkward but hey! It's not meant to be all easy right?
4. Bring a guitar and play/sing You and me.
   

Ok the last option wouldn't go down well, so I advise against that.

The first and second option is by far the easiest and simplest. The third option takes real courage and it's a very direct approach. Please don't creep out the brother/sister by just walking up to them and saying "Give your dad's number . . NOW!". Something along the lines of "Assalamu Alaikum, are you interested in marriage? If you are . . would you mind giving me your fathers number?" would go down well. Maybe?

#3 is incredibly is awkward and innapropriate. It's not really practical. Especially if her friends are around her. It could end up being embarrassing and a highlight of the day for the girls.

On that bombshell, this will now extend to a part 3!

Part 3 will consist of some finer points for  option 3 and a males/females role in this adventure.

Seeking Marriage - Part 1

So here we are . . confused, frustrated, losing hope. Hoping that the marriage candidate will somehow be sent through divine intervention.

Allah (swt) teaches us how we should seek our provisions from rizq to marriage.

We know that everything is ultimately from the creator. Whatever is fixed is fixed.

You may be thinking "If Allah predestined our marriage, then why are we burdening ourselves and getting overly stressed in finding the 'right wife'?"

Good question.

Allah has predestined a number of things for insaan (mankind). Be it wealth, marriage even life itself. These things are unknown to us.

Ibn Mas’ud narrated that Allah’s Messenger (saw) said to his wife Umm Habiba: “Verily you have asked Allah about the duration of life already set, and the steps you would take, and the sustenance the share of which is fixed. Nothing will take place before its due time, and nothing will be deferred beyond when it is due.” [Muslim]

This concept is from the Islamic aqeedah (belief). We believe in this idea because it's in the glorious Qur'an and explained in the Sunnah.

Therefore it's quite simple to understand that Allah has given us a domain of control. You choose your own thoughts and actions. There's also a domain which we don't control, that of which is beyond the remit of man - Weather, Earthquakes etc . . all of which Allah is the master of.

Geetar Hiro's posted a wonderful post . . The Prophet (saw) advised a man, “Tie the camel and trust in Allah”.

Simply put . . We have to actively go out and seek marriage. Through all halal means Allah has provided us with.

Pray and place your trust in Allah. At the same time work hard . . to ensure to find a partner who is suitable for you.

Allah created believing men and women for each other.

"Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity" [Qur’an 24:26]

Part 2 to follow with some practical tips on seeking marriage.

Part 2