Earlier this year, 10 months ago I went through this phase. My brain tapped into what felt like unlocked potential. You have to have experienced this to understand it. The kind of knowledge I was absorbing, the rationale of my mind and the things I was thinking about? I don't know where to begin. I was reading 9 books at a given time. I felt weird but I felt good, things made so much sense. I went on this crazy stint for almost half a year, til the pursuing continued and wore me down.
I made one mistake during that time. I didn't write down some of the things that came to me so that I could refine those ideas.
Well, it's started again. I have a different perspective. Even towards marriage and my own approach on things. I ain't letting it creep this time. I'm still intensively doing the tafsir of Surat Al Baqarah every weekday. Firstly, I must praise Ibrahim (as), he truly was a genius. Allahu Akbar. I can't describe the honour and smile on my face in hopes of meeting him in Jannah. Want? YES! I wish I could write my thoughts what the mufassireen have wrote in their tafaseers' but that would take weeks to collate. However, I must first do this. These Ayahs are speaking to me - By Allah I can't explain how intimately. I find it difficult to contain myself. It seems Allah has blessed me with this ability to understand and see certain things. Everything is all so clear.
This intensive tafsir is really tiring. Even though I've done it for almost 3 years now, it's different and more difficult. We spent 1 hour on 1 ayah even then I feel like it was rushed. I finish near midnight and I start work around fajr. Inbetween these hours I commit to my obligations and try to split my time between family, friends, studying and gym. I also start arabic this weekend again. My 7 day schedule is . . Well, difficult. I haven't been on my home pc for ages. I'm having to write on my tablet.
I've got a shed load on my mind. I'm going to be banging out all my thoughts should time permit. Diary format.
Let me begin with the first thing.
After years and years on this quest? Maybe it's time to drop it.
I made one mistake during that time. I didn't write down some of the things that came to me so that I could refine those ideas.
Well, it's started again. I have a different perspective. Even towards marriage and my own approach on things. I ain't letting it creep this time. I'm still intensively doing the tafsir of Surat Al Baqarah every weekday. Firstly, I must praise Ibrahim (as), he truly was a genius. Allahu Akbar. I can't describe the honour and smile on my face in hopes of meeting him in Jannah. Want? YES! I wish I could write my thoughts what the mufassireen have wrote in their tafaseers' but that would take weeks to collate. However, I must first do this. These Ayahs are speaking to me - By Allah I can't explain how intimately. I find it difficult to contain myself. It seems Allah has blessed me with this ability to understand and see certain things. Everything is all so clear.
This intensive tafsir is really tiring. Even though I've done it for almost 3 years now, it's different and more difficult. We spent 1 hour on 1 ayah even then I feel like it was rushed. I finish near midnight and I start work around fajr. Inbetween these hours I commit to my obligations and try to split my time between family, friends, studying and gym. I also start arabic this weekend again. My 7 day schedule is . . Well, difficult. I haven't been on my home pc for ages. I'm having to write on my tablet.
I've got a shed load on my mind. I'm going to be banging out all my thoughts should time permit. Diary format.
Let me begin with the first thing.
After years and years on this quest? Maybe it's time to drop it.
Dude, marriage is half your deen so...End of!
ReplyDeleteJust take a break:) Hang on...which quest?
:o
ReplyDeleteWhat happened?
The quest in finding the one. There comes that time where you must step back. Now is my time.
ReplyDeleteDa'wah is your greatest strength. Marriage is one aspect of life - the journey of life is much more than that. You're training to be a mufti right?
ReplyDeleteIf you have time, read a few of Imam Ghazali's works if you haven't already.
The Alchemy of Happiness
Discipling the Soul and breaking the two desires
Reforming the Inner self
It's not light reading by the way.
Don't step back for too long - it gets harder to break down the barriers as you get older and you'll become a hermit:D haha a few light posts please!!
Me training to be a mufti? Not at all. Just someone of more understanding.
ReplyDeleteMaybe solitude is what I need. I'm a social animal. I think that's a problem. Bring on the hermit times lol :D
I agree with soulseek, at times its better to take a break and step back a little! maybe our over enthusiasm is coming in our way or maybe its just nt the rite time. lets nt take it over yr life! if i m nt wrong, ur in yr mid 20s so there is enough time for you. i do understand u want to marry and r ready for it, but maybe Allah has some other plans for u at this time :) take it positively! :)
ReplyDeleteSounds good:)
ReplyDeleteWrite down everything thats on your mind, the things that have become clearer, the thoughts, the ideas everything so it comes in handy at a later darker more confused period, dont let it pass.
Excellent - i started a journal in Ramadan last year, and it's been one of the best recent additions to my life. I found on Hajj especially - it enabled me to capture so many incredibly important experiences and lessons that otherwise would've been lost in faded memories as time goes by.
ReplyDeleteFor people inclined to writing, i think a journal is an awesome tool that helps a lot in life...
Maham - It's hard. It's difficult. But there's truth in what you say. As for time? Aha, that's subjetive!
ReplyDeleteAhlam - Right on, I passed up some of those moments. Not again insha'Allah.
ReplyDeleteDreamlife - That is one of my deep regrets. I started to keep a ramadhan journal last year when I went umrah, I was on day 3 and I was writing reams on key events on the days. Subhaanallah.
ReplyDeleteI got so caught up in enjoying the moments and ibadah I felt were key to document. However, the big events. They'll always stay recorded up there :)