I'll keep this brief as I'm departing this week. Last year, I tried to make this happen but it didn't work out. In August 2016 I set a reminder for the 30th of January this year. "Get ready for hajj." it said.
And that I did.
I set out to scour all the hajj groups in the UK. Researching and touching base with most Hajj operators in the country, few months down the line I found a group that met our initial requirements.
Earlier this year, we travelled throughout Europe. She looked at me and said "this will be our first trip apart". I told her that "Allah is the best of planners and he will make a way for you." She instinctively put her hands around her stomach, looked down and said nothing. We were in our second trimester.
After istikhara and logistically trying to work out whether she could join for hajj we decided against it. Our first child was due some 30/40 days before hajj. Last month our first child was born. Alhamdulillah, both he and the mother are healthy.
However, I'm upset for her. I'm upset that she cannot join me. She's really wanted this and it just didn't quite happen.
I continued in the pursuit of hajj and the time is finally here. This week I have the honour in taking my mother to make my deceased fathers' hajj. I will also complete my own. As she is frail and aging, her physical abilities are diminishing daily. It just had to be this year.
I'm excited, I'm nervous, I'm afraid, I'm upset and I'm incredibly fortunate. I'm preparing for the life that awaits after hajj. For the last few months I've spent every day thinking of every change that will be represented when I stand in front of Allah on the day of Arafah and then proceed to stone the jamarat; thinking of each habit/action that needs to change.
I will keep you all in my duas, especially those of you that are looking to fulfil half of your deen despite the challenges it displays.
I would also like to thanks Yacoob, aka as Dreamlife for his incredible posts/tipsheets and presentations on hajj. They've helped me a bunch. You can find him over at https://dreamlife.wordpress.com/
Sure, over the last couple of years I've travelled over some 80,000 miles, learnt some incredible lessons during my travels, become a husband and had a few more surgeries. I believe I have created some value. However, this guy... he was something else.
I recently come across a folder called 'Ideas'. It was just that - a dumping ground where I wrote passing thoughts and plans. I wrote in here many years ago.
One entry contained the following:
"I have everything to offer to this world. I come from a place of where failing is not an option.
I am going to change dynamics of where I live locally and nationally.
I have a clear and defined methodology that will create change. It works because this how key people created ripples in history. I also have more. Our society and our youth are facing a unique set of circumstances. I've been a product of those circumstances and I have overcome them. I know what it takes to be this change.
I have this vision of my own place, a large warehouse or academic centre. Heck it can be a shed. It will be the hub to mentor and support others. I will employ some of the very best people this country has to offer. People with heart. We will build a movement across the country.
I want to create independent thinkers that can deal with broken homes, crappy relationships and stand up for the truth. We will become the best versions of ourselves. Islam is what guided me and it will always remain as my ideology. My invitation to you is to think. We will progress physically, mentally and spiritually. We will revive as individuals and as a nation once again.
I have the tools to support you.
I will not rest until I liberate Al-quds from the oppressors. Or that Allah blesses my children to follow lead if I fail.
Me and you are going to change our lives. Our families. Our communities. First, change begins at home - with you.
My end goal is to please Allah."
And it went on.
I am not this man right now and I have not been this man for a while. I've suppressed him and I've typically become the man I never wanted to be. Sentenced to work 5 days a week looking for a house in order to extend this sentence. Excited for the weekend to catch up on sleep, pray in the masjid and quite frankly; the simpler things in life.
I have my finest Cambodian Oudh on. Of course it's for a special occasion.
I'm sat in one of 7 cars being driven to collect Mrs SoulSeek.
The back seat is empty. It's calm and it's serene. The complete opposite of what has been over the last week. The last month. The last year. And as far as I can remember. Such is life.
These are the small things you truly begin to appreciate.
I thank Allah for granting me this opportunity and this kind gift. I thank you all for dua and your continued support.
Every individual that has contributed to their own cause in self-development, the journey to marriage or quite simply commented on this blog; you're very special.
Much love. Allah bless each and every one of you.
I feel like my life was on hold for the past 2 years since this begun. May this open doors for greatness and the opportunity to write more.
Today, a new chapter begins.
I'm excited. So, darn excited!
She is the coolness to my eyes and the comfort of my heart.
3 years and 9 months ago I was asked what I look for in a woman. I sat down and asked myself this question for weeks. It started off as a lengthy note. Infact, it was pages long. I kept meeting people, the document kept changing. Eventually the list became condensed and it remained constant over the years. Here's what I wrote:
"A Muslim should never be at the bottom of the chain. If you think big, you're ambitious and believe we can strive to change the world that we live in then already have a great deal in common.
It's hard to quantify what you need and ya'ani there's more to people than a one dimensional checklist. So, I'm going paint an image of what I envisage will go down a treat with me. Here's my most recent image:
She's humble, has character and fears Allah.
She's chilled out, playful, down to earth and intelligent. Family orientated.
She yearns for good in this life but more for the afterlife. Marriage is a means of getting closer to Allah.
When the going gets tough, she knows that regardless of how different our views are, we'll succeed. Understands her position, responsibility as a woman and mine as a man. Respect.
Someone that can just sit and chill with, anywhere. You know, like your best friend. Companionship. Homie.
That's my wife, my equal."
I put this across to more than a hundred prospects since I was originally asked this question. In summary; here were my findings.Of all the people I considered: they all felt my criteria for a spouse was reasonable. I was under the impression every person felt like they fit that bill. I was pleasantly surprised because all I was asking for was companionship, character and something that every human being wants.
Having something like this put across - defining what you're looking for. It exudes thought, it displays effort and it demonstrates character, It repels those who aren't very serious or at the very least gives them something to think about, and it attracts those that are more serious. Some fit that criteria. The vast majority didn't. Of those that fit the bill. There's two woman I will never forget.
One is Arwa.
The other is just preparing her outfit for our Walimah next month.
It's 6:30am and I'm waiting to go to work. I'm thirsty. I'm tired. I know I have a further 15 hours to go until I break my fast.
I'm typing on the phone with a mere 16%. My PC is packed. Everything is packed, and in boxes. The mattress is on the floor. It's hot. It's humid. And I feel aggravated.
No, I haven't slept the night and no, I haven't stayed up the whole night doing iba'dah. Rather, I've been trying my best to remain patient. That, in and of itself has been my Ramadan in a nutshell.
I fantasise most of my working hours thinking of sleep. It's something I've done very little of and the consequences are devastating. In fact, in the last 2 months I've not slept many hours uninterrupted. I muster up all my energy to deal with my circumstances, I deplete them and then I await the next day making dua Allah gives me the energy to deal with them.
As of late, praying Isha in the masjid and then praying Fajr in the masjid is amongst one of many small actions have been keeping me from tipping off the edge. Those 2 salah's prayed in the masjid equate to the whole night in prayer. Every window of opportunity that Allah has magnified have become the biggest of blessings in my life.
I'm looking for small wins because right now anything beyond that is too much of an ask. Doing beyond that is precisely what shaytaan wants.
Allow me to explain.
Shaytaan can glorify optional iba'dah over obligatory and sunnah iba'dah. If I were to expend my time, energy and efforts in optional things. I would not have the energy, and be less inclined to pour my efforts into the bigger and more rewardable actions. If I were to push a little more, it would have consequences, such as losing sight of the bigger picture. And that's difficult. That's difficult when it's Ramadan. That's difficult when all you want to do is seclude yourself and praise Allah. That's even more difficult when you set a benchmark.
That's my Ramadan and it upsets me greatly to know that this Ramadan hasn't been the most Qur'an that I've recited. It upsets me that the intent I made to memorise one juz just quite frankly did not happen. In fact, I can't help but feel ashamed when I attend taraweeh being led by 16 year olds and their commitment to the Qur'an makes me realise how far I've fell behind.
I pray Allah grants stability in the lives of those that are dispersed and oppressed. To those that are struggling and to myself. Ameen.
Whilst questing, I've found hundred's of techniques that have either benefited my relationship with Allah, my relationship with others and ultimately my personal development as a human being. It's only right to share my findings with you guys in getting closer to finding the right person to marry and to refine ourselves; raising our self-worth and value to Allah (swt).
I'll be sharing more quest tips regularly.
The Messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم said
“The supplication of a Muslim for his brother in his absence will certainly be answered. Everytime he makes a supplication for good for his brother, the angel appointed for this particular task says: `Ameen! May it be for you, too’.” [Muslim].
When you make dua for others, the angels make dua for you.
When you see a swag looking brother with a wife that compliments him, make dua for them. Don't let the sadness eat you away. It will increase gratitude and expand your chest with love for others. When one of the blog your following is going to meet a suitor, make dua for their success.
In return, Allah has promised to take care of you.
I've never popped pills historically but this time I've accepted defeat. I've been in a lot of pain but on the bright side of things, I've been in need of forgiveness, alhamdulillah.
My knee has been swollen for the past 3 weeks and I've started walking again this week after 15 days.
Post op, I was given no details of the surgery from the surgeons or nurses. It makes sense considering waking up from anesthesia under heavy medication isn't the best of times to take in important information.
I have a friend that practices medication, luckily he pulled me some details. It turns out there's more damage than the MRI scan had detailed.
It's most likely I'm going to need another operation some time soon as the ACL is most likely gone. Right now, I'm trying not thinking about that so it's busy chilling on the back burner.
The healing is far from what was expected. I take a couple of steps and my knee collapses. I've lost a lot of weight from being a potato and it's not the healthy kind. 8lb in 2 weeks. Having never been in a position where my circumstances stop me from having no routine, I'm not quite sure where to take my training from here.
I've been having interviews after interviews and exams up exams. Ironically I'm using my experience from here with my jobs. If one falls through, go straight on to the next son. I've been sending out some 5-8 applications a day and I refuse to give in. It's 3am and I've just finished some work to take in for a second interview tomorrow. I hope this is it.
There's only one way to go from here and that's up. I'm going to start some light physio after I've done more reading.
I have a lot on my mind. It's only natural when you have free time and absolutely no form of outlet. I want to get back into writing. Over and out.
"You have really nice teeth." That's the last voice I registered. "You should really invest in Sonicare's diamondcare, it's quality" is the last thing I spoke.
That's what I remember before being awoken by a sharp noise piercing through the temple of my head. I opened my eyes. Bright reflections of teal scrubs were surrounding my body. "He seems to be coming around" she said.
"This" was the first word. "feels, really weirrrrr" before my body jolted off the bed. "I dohn" before jolting up again. I had never experience such cold. My joints felt like they had been taken apart, I was dislocated, disabled and unable to move. I could hear my teeth snapping. "Why am I shivering?" I asked. "Can you call her please". After my body jumped up a few more times, I told Sarah "I don't understand why this is happening."
"Don't worry SoulSeek, you've reacted in an unusual way. You're going to be okay."
"This is really weird." I said. Taking in what she said "Thank you, can you please call her?" I asked the other nurse.
The heat started from my feet and made it's way to my body. The shivering started to slow down. I was given a number of tablets and injections. "You're going to fall asleep again soon." I was told by Sarah
It's a nostalgic feeling.
You step outside of your body, conscious and full aware of what's happening, down to the intricate details of what's being used and for what purpose. Whilst all this is happening, you're thinking of a future and you talk of that future whilst shivering. I've been to this place before but I don't know how and I don't know when, I thought. The colour tones have a green/blue undertone. A tone of my childhood. A tone that represents everything surrounding and associated with comfort and happiness. It is a place where I feel at rest with my fingers interlocked behind my head with my elbows point up to the sky. And you see all those people associated with that moment. This was that moment. She came rushing and she held my hand. My body jumped up again and she started to rub the palm of my hand, this time she held my hand firmer. It was a hold that would never leave my side. I smiled at her. After reassuring me, she refused to leave. "I promise you one thing." I paused. "Allah is my witness here. We're going to get through this." I said. I have never felt so proud of anyone and this is a feeling that I can only describe as a new experience. I've always had this place for her and she knows it but the peak keeps increasing after milestones.
I asked her if she had prayed Maghrib and eaten anything. I reminded her to take the papers out of the locker. This is the part where my eyes drifted away.
She was not my mother. Nor was she my sister. Rather, she was the most perfect thing to have stepped into my life.
Just a small request to you all. I managed to get a last minute slot after waiting for months. I have my knee surgery today and the operation is dependant on how things look inside my knee.
It turns out from my MRI scan, I have a large bucket tear in the medial meniscus and the muscle has lodged up under my knee. I'll be under General Anaesthetic. Also I should be hearing from an interview I had on Thursday with a 2 hour exam having lost my job some months back on grounds of unfair dismissal.
This looks awfully familiar lol. Time for round 2.
I'm not great at expressing myself or pouring out from depths but I want to thank each and every one of you who has been here since this quest started. I want to particularly thank all those that have taken the time and effort to write comments and send emails. Those who joined the journey at the start, near the mid and those who continue to do so at present.
We lack support within our communities We lack support from those around us. Alhamdulillah I am fortunate enough to know some amazing people to turn to in times of need. But I never expected a great deal from strangers. You guys. You're epitome of what our families, circles of friends and communities need to aspire to become. You're just phenomenal human beings.
I've met some wonderful people through this blog. Complete strangers who continue to mail/write to me.
Allah grant you spouses that are the coolness to your eyes and the comfort of your heart. Allah bless you from his endless bounties in this life and a greater reward in the afterlife. Ameen. I continue to keep you all in my duas.
I always say a fist bump is appropriate for any situation but you guys genuinely deserve more.
I have some leg work to do in bringing the quest up to scratch. I'm no longer seeking marriage and I haven't done so since things began to dip down around here.
I have a lot of drafts lurking about, with full entries on my findings along the way.
Would you find it beneficial if I shared them with you?
I find it difficult to believe I wrote this. I find it difficult to believe that this was 5 years ago.
________________
Dear SoulSeek,
What is there that you cannot do? You are on an eternal journey for greatness and success. When you apply yourself, the law of the universe is to challenge those who are weak to make way for those who want it. You are unwavering on your commitment to this journey. You will welcome those who want to come for a ride but you don't need them. You only need Allah. You have a very particular ability; Once you apply yourself to an idea, consider it done. It just takes time for you to achieve what you had set out to accomplish.
People cannot give you what you long for in your heart. This journey was always deeper than you initially intended. Throughout this journey you found yourself. Inner peace and contentment is something that no person can offer you. If you've had an experience in where people have disappointed you. You should know better. Don't confuse the disappointment of people with the disappointment with Allah. Open door policy. And if you ever feel the distance between you and Allah is getting bigger, just remember that Allah hasn’t moved an inch.
If you've gone into autopilot mode just to play things safe, you've decided that you no longer want to grow. Fear isn't a valid excuse.
If it's people who are telling you how things should be. Listen to
what they have to say but remember to believe in yourself. Remember the time when you didn't think you would overcome those difficulties? And you did.
Life is simple when you're honest with yourself and others. This doesn't mean you should be rude or inconsiderate but a dudes' gotta say what dude has to say. Better you be upfront than conceal things and let them grow.
Don't worry about money, ever. You should be throwing money at sadaqah.
Don't be nice. Nice means nothing. It's open to interpretation. It's something you do regardless of how you feel or who you're being. If you're trippin', being nice means to be a fake. Don't be a fake and don't be nice. Be kind, that's from within. Observe, take a breathe and transform. Acts of kindness are who you are.
Remember the difference between fancy, pretty and beautiful.
Remember all the realistic things you're looking for in a wife. Don't let nobody justify or dictate to you the status quo but welcome naseeha.
Remember
that you just as you have never been a husband, she will have never have
been a wife. This will be a new experience. You will mature, grow,
blossom and gain new experiences together.
You will get who you deserve. Allah (swt) has promised you this
Surah An Noor and Surah Ar Rum. If it doesn't work out, it's not because
you deserved to fail but more so a test of patience. If things became
difficult, take a look at yourself - there's something you need to work on. She is reflecting qualities and
attitude that you have shown her. I want you to be honest. If you made a
mistake, go and rectify it. If you haven't overlook it if you can. If something needs to be dealt, deal with it and don't procrastinate.
Live your life by your chosen surah's at that given time. You will find an answer for your problem is Surah-Al Asr.
Deen is your ultimate goal. For a woman who has taqwa will never do
wrong by you. You want awesome children. You want to gain jannah more
than anything. As this is your ultimate resting place this will affect
how you choose her.
Frustrated again? Ride it out, you have to. Marrying to fulfill frustration will leave you disappointed. Add value to your life.
This is temporary. Just as your last 20 years have flew by the next
21 will be even quicker.
You are in no rush. Listen to me. Do what you must and don't pay attention to 'how long it will take' for those days will pass anyway.
The girls you thought were the one at 16 were no longer the same when you were 18. 19 and 20. You're definition of the one is subject to time and experiences.
Your
priorities will change when you become a family man. But understand why
you're doing all this. Understand why it's important to be realistic.
Understand marriage is going to be a bigger test for you. What you find
simple others find difficult and what they find simple you find difficult. Your tests have always been difficult.
Remember the tests of all those around you and before you. Now imagine
what your test is going to be. Remember, shayataan plays on hard mode. He's been at this way longer than you and everyone else. He's hell bent on trying to make you fail. Whatever you do, just do right by
Allah. You're in for heck of a treat. All these tests you've had?
They've made you. Allah promises to make it my worth.
Remain steadfast, half glass full and optimistic. Hope for the best. It is all those things you thought it would be.
But prepare, and prepare for the worst. When things horribly wrong
remember Surah An-Naas. Something kicked off because shaytaan made you
forget even if it was for a few seconds, These crazy years of
patience are of you being a testament to that.
Don't ever stop focusing on personal development. Use Islamic principles to add value and meaning.
Don't ever lose gratitude and trust in Allah. If you lose your limbs, get cancer and you're living on the streets. Be thankful.
Two things will define you Mr. Your patience when you have nothing. Your attitude when you have everything. You've been there before. Perspective.
Embrace failure. Don't look where you fell but rather where you slipped.
Smile. Smile and work hard. Because your achievements and smiles make those around you glow. Dat. Aura.
You're doing all of this not only to enjoy what's permissible but
ultimately for one thing. Let this one thing dictate your decision;
Jannah.
Chill. Stay young at heart. You're 20 and you have a long way to go. What have you accomplished this year?
In the last 12 months I've travelled and explored six countries. I've experienced some incredible highs, some being the peak of my life. I travelled two countries back to back in November. That was the last time I travelled after falling incredibly ill.
I woke up today with a horrible feeling. Something's been lurking for months, I know because I've suppressed this feeling from arising. It's easy to identify this feel as it first affects the salah. Accepting that my imaan is not what it once was is a bitter pill to swallow. Reality hits when you discover that all other areas of your life are crumbling and crumbling fast.
Rolling with the status quo and tactfully avoiding answering any questions is a good indicator for things going south. Sharing the real picture won't get me the support that I'm looking for.
The more worrying part is that I really don't know what I'm doing or where I'm heading. What I do know is that I'm unhappy and I feel low.
I need duas. The last 6 months have been restless and I don't feel any closer to my (lack of) ambitions.
For as long as I can remember I've had this problem with savouring an opportunity, an experience and a moment. The problem is before that process begins. I call it perfecting procrastination.
It works like this. I have a written rule about zero days. Zero days are days where that I don't progress, develop, learn or better myself in one way another. Even if it's just a mere 10 press ups. Slow progress is still progress. I'm not allowed a zero day, despite the circumstances. My perspective and the way I look at the world changes as my understanding progresses.
My problem is that I will stop an area of development based on "Why benefit now when you can benefit more in the future".
More is the reason of unhappiness. More is why I cannot reach new heights. More is why I procrastinate. More is the killer.
It's hindering me and I realise it's a problem. It's problem because I have a constant need for perfecting myself. The very idea in itself is paradoxical.
I have more books than I can accommodate. There's one particular book I've procrastinated for 13 years years since I was 12. I've wanted my mind to be at a particular stage of development before I started this journey. I stand here and I say no more.
I couldn't help but be in awe when I saw this, more here. Subhaan'Allah.
Snow is beautiful. It's fun when you layer up, go for a walk, throw a snowball or two.
I then came to the realisation that snow is only beautiful when we're in our warm homes. Something many of our brothers and sisters won't have this year. Allah (swt) protect all whom are without warmth, shelter and food this year.
In life you will make particular decisions to get where you want to be. Some that are good and some that are not so good. Those decisions, that will bring you closer to what you aspire, and others that make you feel like you've approached the opposite end of the spectrum.The decisions you make are based on your take of scenario.
Then there's an anomaly. Something that we do not account for when we're blinded by happiness, passion, rage or sadness. Parameters of the unknown that exceed our understanding. Here's where things become more interesting; the universe plays ball. It conspires to push you in a direction, at times without realising. The world and its inhabitants come together to to show you something. And when they're ignored or not obvious enough they will return and they will keep returning until you stand up on your chair and flare your arms out to take in this epiphany, this revelation, this great insight.
Those close to you and those that you meet in strange lands show you that you're destined for greatness. It's one thing being told you have it, then it's another being shown it. You cannot expect others to have confidence in you until you have confidence within yourself.
You shrug off your future for reasons that you believe are right. To make believe that you must to do this to show humility or to remain steadfast and humble. That is deception in its greatest form; denying yourself opportunity and progression.
Personal development is an integral process in becoming the best version of yourself. Pairing ideas and techniques with Islamic principles unlocks overwhelming depths of progression and realisation. Despite how many times you repeat this cycle, that unaccounted anomaly? That, that will keep returning to remind you of who you're supposed to be.
I'm on a very special journey right now. A journey that I, could have never planned. Partly because I'm not very smart and partly because I find cat videos entertaining.
Marriage. Hmmm, it's funny how I kept hearing people talk about how after you stop chasing it, it comes to you. There's actually some truth in that.
An artist wakes up with a image on his mind and he feels ecstatic to put his fine Pitt pen to the canvas to begin the outline. He goes to his day job and attends to his daily schedule which is filled with meaningful activities, chores, classes, and meetings. The artist's finest strength is his ability to truly multi-task. Particularly being able to excel at his job, significant areas of his life and continue to work on this canvas in his mind.
Days pass and he still hasn't had the chance to see the black tip touch the canvas. He continues with the daily strife. Those days soon become weeks. And those weeks soon become months.
Every single day, he has been thinking about drawing on the canvas. From drawing the outline to preparing the colours. Even though months have passed since the initial inception he fills with joy as soon as he starts thinking of drawing. Throughout that period, the image keep evolving, fay beyond the first thought.
After months and months of thinking about his canvas he decides to get started. He unpacks his supplies that have been gathering dust over the months. He's confident of his abilities, very confident. Every time he thinks of his image he cannot hold back his smile. He looks at the canvas that he's set up and decides to prove his abilities on test piece. After months of inactivity, he begins a test canvas on a piece other than the one he's been thinking about for so long. A couple of hours pass by, he drinks from his glass and reaffirms his confidence.
After a short break. He gets his second canvas, stares at it for some minutes and nothing happens. There is absolutely no way this canvas can accommodate what's been going on in his mind. He sits down to think things through. He starts to get overwhelmed by the challenge that lies ahead. It's too much to take on.
He leaves everything he's doing as he has family obligations to attend to, promising himself that he's going to think things through in how take this piece through from the start through to the image he has in his head and get started tomorrow. He gets caught up in the strife again but not a day passes where he doesn't think about his piece. From the foundations and details of the piece to the size. For one: the canvas size was no where near as big enough, it must be larger - far larger. Where would he find such a large canvas he thinks. The bedroom wall it shall be.
He begins the piece. Weeks pass by, the canvas starts to take form. The piece is shaped by his daily activities as it result it becomes different from the one he intended. Every day is a work in progress. In anticipation to pick up his brush his mind wonders off to magical places. His uncontrollable imagination peaks to places other people would describe as a little crazy. As things progress, there comes a time when everything goes horribly wrong. He feels he's ruined it. Ruined beyond repair. Months pass by and every day he looks at his wall, his gut churns out of disgust. Even though he doubts himself, he continues. Just as things start to take look better many more things go wrong. He continues through this cycle. Time and time again.
After some years. It's complete.
He steps back and tears fall out of his eye. The canvas in front of him was not how he had intended his piece. Each day that passed by changed how he incorporated each detail. The end result was something he alone could not produce, his design was not intended to be as such. It was simply beyond his initial scope, scale and remit of thinking. It was overwhelming. It was mind-boggling. It was just... truly magnificent.
Belief paired up with hard work eventually paid off.
You have to give it to song-writers: they really do express the truth sometimes in remarkably effective fashion.
The issues of love, prospective partners, marriage, keeping the flame
of love burning etc have been beaten to death by mankind since time
immemorial. Everyone has had a say on the matter and quite right too: no
human is free from the stresses, hassles and difficulties encountered
in day-to-day life and everyone will have had some brush with the
emotion of love at some time. Everyone will want to share their feelings
on the issue, and the Islamic internet forums and chat sites seem to
talk about nothing else or at least stimulate the most response from the
community at large when the topic is addressed.
So why then, after so many thousands of years of human experience
have we not solved all these problems and banished the ignorance
surrounding it? And why in particular have the Muslims not left their
baggage behind on the issue after receiving divine guidance as well? And
even more damningly, why haven’t the increasingly “practicing” crowd of
Muslims who really should know so much better, ranging from the just-started-to-practice-Islam-recently folks
to students of knowledge to the scholars themselves, set a clear
example to the rest of the community by becoming shining role-models of
how relationships should be conducted?
The answer is because this is a human problem, this is a nafs problem, and this is a love problem. No-one is going to get away with an easy ride.
I wish to offer the following words/thoughts on this subject with my
focus on the “practising” community because they should all really know
better. Those who are just Muslim by identity will fall into all sorts
of other cultural problems and barriers and will fall foul of much
ignorance and require serious help, more than just a few words in an
article, whereas I’d like to concentrate on those who clearly have a
problem controlling their desires, have errors in their thought process
and just need to be reminded really of what is expected from serious
Muslims.
One has to be quite frank in dealing with this, and say things that
will hurt people and possibly offend their feelings, yet without being
honest about the real deep-set attitudes and problems that we
specifically face as a community such as racism, sexism, apathy and
misogyny, we’ll never reach an agreeable status quo.
My biggest fear is for practising brothers seeking. Particularly for the dudes whom it has become obligatory to marry.
Where their desires are no longer just desires and they've become needs. They fear committing Zina.
Marriage
has become immensely difficult for some. It's dangerous for those whom have been looking for a while and they fear zina. Bear with me, I'm going to try and keep this short.
In Islam some say there's a logical principle in choosing the lesser of two evils based on the Qur'an and Sunnah. However, this principle is used and sometimes abused to justify choices. This principle is based on where one doesn't have a choice. So even though, it's a sin, it's the lesser of two sins. In this instance; masturbation.
Almost all of our imaams are quiet - they're busy arguing over who's going to be
the all new appointed and official tea-maker. I've travelled high and low; nobody is addressing this in any community I've visited.
I originally spent a lot of time reading and finding evidences from classical scholars to write a paper to submit. Infact, I started my original draft 4 years ago but I left it for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I am not a scholar. Secondly, I fear accountability of any kind. And finally, I believe you don't have to enter deeper fiqh to see a few issues that I will highlight.
We live in a society that promotes it's healthy to masturbate. Islamically there's a difference of opinion. Many whom have no outlet and cannot control their urges fall to porn and
masturbation. In the real world, I've come to realise it's far more common than we think it is. Many practising brothers and sisters are deeply being challenged in remaining chaste. So admirably they will do whatever it takes to avoid Zina itself. Porn and masturbation replaces that. As it's being used as this concept of the lesser evil.
There's a huge problem with this.
We know the repercussions and punishment of Zina. It's why many of us trying so hard to be amongst the muttaqin andthe sabiqun.
Whilst we see Zina as the ultimate sin, we fail to see masturbation and pornography in the same light. There's something more going on with porn and masturbation.
For someone who's trying to be a straight up obedient Muslim and they fall to Zina. It usually goes something like this: The person will either hit that point of frustration, make the intention and go for it, or they accidentally got in a situation, hit that point of no return and it happened - mistake. Either way, it was a physical and outward action. The deed was done and acknowledged. Bas.
The biggest industry in the world, bigger than all the Top 100's we know of; porn. The novelty never ends - So it caters for every kind of porn imaginably. It widely, freely and easily available.. even to hand-held devices.
If you go to Google Trends and search for some generic filth related words, you'll find the Muslim nations are amongst the highest ranked.
Regardless of whether or not porn is used; hyperstimulation is still prevalent in both circumstances.
That physical action and the person at the receiving end of zina is no longer a 2 party action. This is all you. A secret. You go for it whenever you want and as often as you want. A 1 man ting.
What does this mean?
This short video is essential viewing for understanding:
Shameless. More an animal and less of a human being
Seeing and treating women as sexual objects
Degrading women and not respecting them
Ruin your spirituality and your relationship with Allah
Premature Ejaculation
Erectile Disfunction
A life of misery, lack of fulfilment, loneliness, depression
Addiction
Anxiety
Slave to desires - Acting on impules
Sexual performance problems
Conventional sex is no longer fulfilling
Waste of time
Fatigue
'Deathgrip' - When you can no longer be fulfilled by actual sex
Emotional imbalances
Chemical imbalances
Physiological and psychological imbalances
Guilt
Just to name some. Unfortunately, I've seen one more or more of the above with young, practising Muslim men.
This is a serious problem. It is ruining our communities and future communities, It will creep up when you get married. And it's an imaan killer. Shaytaan and his homies are thriving on this right now.
Masturbation will not help you. Porn will not help you. Think of it like
fastfood. It's great whilst you're at it but terrible in the long run.
There's a massive community full of muslims and non-muslims whom have identified this disease and they're actively abstaining from porn and masturbation. The people lurking NoFap and pornfree are in the millions. It's a lot more common than we acknowledge.
For the love of all things good. Get AdBlock (Available for other browsers too) and Stylish for some awesome scripts, especially for protection on youtube.
This isn't just exclusive to dudes, the women are also going through this. These issues are part of a much wider communal issues such as homosexuality and abuse.
You've got to make an active effort in seeking help. We all need to acknowledge these issues as opposed to ignore it as one of the many taboo issues we have.
Over the last year there was an interesting time. The suitor I was pursuing, things didn't work out for a while. 4 suitors stepped up and sparked some interest in me. I talk of 4 in particular because they were whose parents I had either spoken to or gotten past the preliminary stage.
Girl #1. My sister had dragged me to a marriage event at a Masjid to be her Wali, my intention was to catch up on a few lectures on my ipod and just reflect for the day. My sister and her cheeky friend decided to sign me up. As soon as I walked in after parking up, the Imaam said "Soulseek?" I responded. "The event's started, jaldi (quickly)." You cheeky sods. They signed me up for the event.
The women severely outnumbered the men and most of their 'hijaabs' conveniently slipped off. I made really good friends with a number of organisers and brothers. Totally awkward but I did good. A lot of sister's requested to find out more about me.
The organiser approached me "Soulseek, this is unusual but a family wants to speak to you". Enter blue eyes.
Such a lovely family. I actually felt shy as I'd never been approached by a mother, daughters and the father. We talked and whilst she was so humble, it didn't work out. We were too different. #1 and #2 were the only event based suitors.
Girl #2. Good sister, had a lot of great qualities but this girl totally didn't look her age. She was interested in me. I spoke to her brother and it turns out she was almost 10 years older than me. I never minded a few years but 10 was a bit much for me.
Girl #3. A humble and laid back girl. Spanish roots = +points. She looked extremely promising but both felt quite different about the future and outlook on some issues. Enough to find we didn't have a great deal in common.
Girl #4. This was hard. I really liked this girl. Sophisticated, to the point, crazy jokes and a wonderful personality. We wanted to marry. Things moved immensely quickly. My mother vetoed it. I got angry. I agreed to let it go.
