Wedding Bells?

Not quite yet. 

We talked wedding dresses. Rings. Future. Living and arrangements with the in-laws. Children too. My quest for 10 children insha'Allah!

She was the only girl to make it to Soulseeks' place of residence. Met all my siblings, some of my nieces too. She even got to see my bedroom too. Hah. Crazed!

Here's the deal. Whilst a lot happened I don't have a great deal to say.

Things didn't work out. We were so close. We worked on things and before hand we managed to gain an understanding in each others styles of conflict and general behaviour. She made mistakes. I made some mistakes.

Our levels of maturity were very different. Being raised as an only child and her upbringing, lets just say I had a different picture of how I thought she would react in situations. After a while I come to the realisation it wasn't a big deal. Yes she was immature but at the same time it was beautiful that she was this woman waiting to blossom and grow. One that I'd be responsible for. All these issues and things were stuff we could work on. She frustrated the hell out of me. She was a bit weird too. But it was all gravy.

Her behaviour became quite worrying. Her family and friends cussed her for her attitude. Her best friend said to me she wanted to find me another prospect because she couldn't believe my suitor. Lol. In the end I just found us going around in circles. She wasn't ready for marriage. Despite throwing around a words.

She became that emotional thing again. She said she would regret this. Finding someone who is the complete package and the definition of what a 'man should be' with deen. She said her life was so difficult right now, she would want me to give her another chance and reconsider in the future if I was available.

Sorry, your chance is gone. And thank you for giving me just what I needed. Experience, perspective and understanding. I don't think I'll ever get to speak to another suitor as much as I talked to this one. It was a blessing that both of our parents allowed us meet and talk prior in a halaal setting to our hearts content (which were full days!)


I used to be a guy that had good characteristics but... they were imblanaced. Things are getting much better. When I'm thrown into the deepest end, I learn the most. I went through a difficult phase, confused and lacking understanding. But after E-V-E-RY-THING? I feel this contentment. My wife is going to be a very happy woman. Insha'Allah. I'm certain I will fulfil my part of the deed.

I did sit and think why women were such vicious creatures? After all this misfortune, I thought it was always the women that complicated matters. I put in a great deal of time, emotions and effort.

But after my decision. I smile. Because it's becoming quite easy. My time will come by appointment and by his grace and his grace alone.

I was with my friend last night, "Soulseek, in a non-gay way. You've got a really nice smile. Masha'Allah of course... don't want my hunk of a brother to get nazar now do we?" We've got this crazy sense of humour. "Praa wherever we go, all girls look at us and all the guys want to be like us. We're so lovable." I laughed and butted in "I'm gonna kick your ass, so shurrup. Oh and say Masha'Allah dude, say Masha'Allah!" "Whatever Mr Modest. Seriously though, after everything that's happened, your situation - how do you do smile like that? You do it around all of us we think you're life is so good but I've caught glimpses of sadness when you're alone. How are you so, well... in control and relaxed about things?"

I've learnt a great deal about myself. Just when you think you know, you really don't. I will never make the same mistake twice. Icing on the cake. That's what it was. I've learnt so much. Alhamdulillah, I'm so grounded and ready for marriage. It's crazy. Everything else in my life is in order. In addition to my previous qualities. I've become this assertive guy. That has tolerance but takes no crap. Confident, not in just speech but attitude. Given respect and surrounded by good people. That ability to sense and deal with situations responsibly and properly. Compassionate. In control of my emotions. More patient. Strong. I didn't think I would hit this stage for a few years. I've hit this stage in my life. What can I say?

I was supposed to be having my nikkah next weekish or thereabouts. Funny how things turn. It's weird how this situation hasn't bothered me in comparison to all my other ventures; even though I invested and progressed far more than the others. I am becoming that guy. Painful but worth it.

And, so it continues.

The search is on . .

In other news. I saw this sister just smiling at me. Pretty girl. Anyways, I continued walking looking elsewhere talking on the phone. Hmmm. I really know that face. I mean really. Oh sh- sugar. It's Husna. 

A Glimpse Of What's To Come

Dark, dull rainy days. I never liked them. Ever since I was a child. Mum would always force us to go school if we wanted to get somewhere in life.

I always thought to myself I would be like my friends whilst growing up. At 10 years old you tend to think success is based around having a fast car and being able to buy anything you want. I was going to be successful without selling drugs or doing 'bad things' to get there.

When I took that route at a young age, I found that I wasn't with the same friends. I lost nearly all of them. I was always the most popular boy at school. So it was always quite difficult to find that 'balance'.

At home it wasn't much different. My mum was the only other family member that prayed. We wasn't given that luxury of a great upbringing. Father would work several jobs to ensure we lived comfortably. And alhamdulillah - we did. However, we were just thrown into mosque and taught a very negative Islam. My friends would regularly miss mosque to go and drive stolen cars or meet up with girls.

I went through a lot of difficult phases in my (short) life. I grew up in the ghetto. Where the chances of survival by being good were virtually non-existent. The 'religious' folks were a bunch of hypocritical nutters. I used to ask myself why are Muslims are so unfair? At times I found non Muslims more accepting than some Muslims. Something was obviously wrong.

Since then I've been out to set the record straight. Present. I came back to asking myself a similar questions.  This time more serious.

What am I doing with myself? What do I really want in life? How will I achieve it?

I don't want to be amongst these dysfunctional people. I've witnessed a lot in my very short years. I've met some very amazing Muslims. On the contrary, I've met many scary ones.


Islam came as a mercy to mankind. As a guidance. We're responsible and accountable for this responsibility.

So here is what I've doing. I moved back in life. Re-assessed everything. My family. My friends. My belief (deen). I feel I found my deen last time I took a step back but I can only reaffirm my beliefs. It's the reason why I've been off the blogging scene for a while too. I stopped spending a lot of time with friends too. In order to seek answers. I sought seclusion. And it worked.

I am setting out to seek happiness and understanding. Because the world belongs to the energetic. Energy and persistence conquer all things. The real difference between people is energy and understanding. A strong will, a settled purpose, an invincible determination, can accomplish almost anything; and in this lies the distinction between great people and little people. If you ever want something just . . don't give up. Fight for it.

A man must find happiness through understanding and possess a fine amount of self-esteem.

A woman is an integral part of this because for we (men), were once dependant upon a woman to raise us.

Somewhere along the line I fell down. I am standing back up. If anyone intends on becoming an obstacle. Good luck in that. NO ONE is bringing me down. I am out to seek answers.

Watch me do just that.

Ladies and Gentlemen. Boys and Girls. Brothers and Sisters.

SoulSeek is back with a mighty fine smile on his face. Oooo what's that? The dimples are back too!

;o)