The First Experience – Lessons Learnt

So, was it worth telling her? Was it worth thinking so far ahead?

Like you wouldn’t believe it.

This experience changed so many things for me.

It strengthened my Imaan. I couldn’t quite explain this but whilst feeling anxious and confused during this whole experience I left my trust with Allah and I felt so calm/relaxed. The end result is always from Allah. We can never change that. This outlook lets you know what you’re not alone in this struggle.

As a result of strengthening my Imaan, it’s improved my character, work for the deen and the way I think.

Maturity. I started thinking of issues I thought I wouldn’t encounter for years to come. I become responsible for my actions. I thought of consequences. I thought of outcomes.

Enlightened thinking. My thought process has changed for the better. Things don’t appear as linear as they used to. A box no longer appears as just a box. It’s a multi-dimensional box with a surface area and volume, which is made for an intended purpose.

The logic behind Islam. We accept that Islam is a way of life but sometimes we can’t help but compromise Islam in situations such as these. Islam has a unique system to regulate the interaction of male/female. It gives us examples of how to choose the best potential partners. It also teaches us how to get married.

These are just some of the things.

These experiences occur for a reason. To take lessons and get some practice in for the right one.

I feel . . . content. Allah has something bigger in-store for me.

Ramadan Mubarak

Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu,

May Allah (swt) give us strength to fast with all faith and make easy for us every aspect of ibadah.

In this holy month of mercy and forgiveness, we ask Allah (swt) to forgive all our sins - past and present. May we all benefit from the opportunities that are showered upon us during this blessed month.

8 ways to boost your Ramadan spirit:
http://www.soundvision.com/info/ramadan/spirit.asp

Tying your camel

One day Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) noticed a Bedouin leaving his camel without tying it and he asked the Bedouin, "Why don't you tie down your camel?" The Bedouin answered, "I put my trust in Allah." The Prophet then said, "Tie your camel first, then put your trust in Allah" (At-Tirmidhi). 

this hadith teaches us to prepare as much as we can before we leave to the will of Allah (swt). only then, can we really be excused from any blame if anything goes wrong. i love this hadith – it has such a profound meaning to it. and the impact it has made on my life is immense. or so i thought. let me explain what i mean...

once upon a friday, a brother asked me if i would be attending the local mosque for friday prayer. “of course”, i replied. i asked him to meet me at my workplace at 12:50pm latest so that we could set off by 1pm. we both live about 15 miles from the nearest mosque and my routine at work was to take a 2 hour lunch break to be able to fulfil this obligation. that’s enough time to drive at a comfortable, safe speed for half an hour to the mosque, catch the sermon and prayer, mingle with the brothers at the mosque, then another half hour drive back to my workplace after having lunch.

at 12:50pm, i went up to my office and noticed that i had a missed call from the brother. i immediately called him back, expecting him to say that he was waiting for me outside. but instead, he told me that he wasn’t able to make it, as he had only just gotten ready and was not able to do the 20 minute walk down to my workplace in time to set off by 1pm. i told him to stop being a joke and start running. now.

i fled my workplace like a bat out of hell and made the half mile run to my car. then, i sped off towards his house in my risky attempt at being the hero of the day.

anger started to fill my mind – as i hate rushing while driving. and the fact that i was rushing because i might miss friday prayer made it worse. in fact, several things were going through my mind – why am i risking missing my obligatory friday prayer for this person, when he can’t be bothered to make sure that he is ready by a particular time? any other person i know would have said “forget it” and left him. 

but i have superpowers. soulseek can confirm the fact that with my driving abilities, i am able to cut a normal journey time by 33%.

so i used my abilities to the max and raced to the brother’s house and then onwards to the mosque.

as soon as he entered the car, my anger evaporated and instead, it turned into concern. why would anyone have such a laissez-faire attitude to such an important obligation? surely, if you know that in order to fulfil the obligation of friday prayer, you need to catch a lift with someone (and let’s say, for example, that this was the only way to get to the mosque), then surely, you should make sure that you are ready for that lift, right? and to make sure you are ready for the lift, then surely, you must be ready on time. and to be ready on time, you need to make sure that you have everything to need to be ready. surely that’s the train of thought that one should possess, should one wish to fulfil one’s obligations? right? or am i talking gibberish?

and if you are running late, then cut down on the non-obligatory things. And. Do. Things. Faster.

i didn’t want to be the one to let this brother think that he can get away with not going to the mosque. that’s being irresponsible to the brother and his welfare. after all, i’ve heard that if a muslim man misses friday prayer 3 times in a row, then you have to re-take your shahadah. so as you can see, the severity of missing friday prayers is not to be taken lightly.

we then continued to have a conversation regarding the hadith i quoted in the beginning and i was explaining to him how if we don’t understand this hadith, then we would never take things so seriously. and as a result, we would be held accountable, since we did not do everything that was in our control to prevent the worst from happening.

that’s why i always leave slightly earlier to go to the mosque. and why i usually go to the mosque which has the earliest congregation – so that if i am late, i can attend a different mosque. that’s why i learned how to drive fast and cleverly avoid traffic jams. that’s why i learned which actions are obligations and which actions are recommended – so that if it were imperative that i be somewhere at a certain time, i would only complete the obligations and leave the recommended. that’s why i make sure my car is in tip top condition, ready for friday. that’s why i make sure i’m wearing my contacts on friday (i don’t wear them every day). that’s why i make wudhu at work before i’m about to set off. in fact, it’s why i do a lot of things.

after speaking so passionately on the subject for the entire 20 minute journey to the mosque (33% driving time reduced), i came to the conclusion that i had not at all implemented this hadith while looking for a wife.

so what had i expected? that she just appears and happens to be the one? that i bump into a sister at the supermarket and suddenly start talking to her then end up marrying her? that some sister will just approach me and ask me to marry her? i think i’ve been watching way too much bollywood.

fact is, when i used to tell people that i was looking for a wife, i would just TELL people. but would never ask for leads, never go out there to try and impress people, never talked to the elders; who were usually the key or barrier to marriage depending on how you look at it! never took any action to get what i wanted. just made du’a. and thought that would be enough.

bottom line is, i expected marriage to come to me when i was ready. i don’t know why. but looking at it now, i realise that if i want to get married, surely i have to take certain steps and do certain things to TRY to get married. i mean, i am ready for marriage, but it hasn’t come to me yet. We all know that success is from Allah (swt) and that He (swt) shall give it to you when He (swt) so wishes. it’s like an exam... you can’t expect to pass if you haven’t even studied the subject, no matter how many du’a (supplications) were made for you to pass. no; when we want something, we ask Allah (swt) for it, then we work our hardest to try and get it. and Allah (swt) will decide when and if He (swt) gives it to us.

which means i have to work hard to get married.

that’s not a scary statement.

actually, i take it back. It’s... slightly scary.

it’s time to tie my camel up.

that sounds better.

and now things are clear. I need to tie my camel before i leave it. I’ve got to do everything in my power to make sure i get married.

Now how do i do that???

Rejected

i remember applying for jobs during my teen years. i needed to save up money for college and eventually university. so i went around town handing in my cv to any half-decent place i could find. i must've handed out about 20 cv's. and received only one call back. the lady asked me to come in for an interview and i was most certainly excited! my first real job! when i went in for the interview, the lady just sat me down in her office and discussed the wage, hours and benefits. then asked me when i could start. SCORE! that didn't take much effort. i was frankly, quite pleased with myself.

a couple months later, a different company called my house. my sister delivered the message to me: "if you still want a job, call me back". i was ecstatic. i called back and was asked to come in for an interview. so i went in and the boss asked me when i could start. i quickly handed in my notice to my current employer and started my work in my new job.

i left this company after a while because i wanted to concentrate on my studies. but a year or so later, i found myself in financial difficulty yet again. so i posted my cv around again. this time, i gave it to many more companies. a couple of days later, i received a call from one of the companies. the lady asked me if i was still looking and i replied "YES!". she asked me to start the next day. no interview.

since then, i have been promoted a couple times, without interview, alhamdulillah.

now, i will put this story on pause and start another story. but keep this first story in the back of your mind.

recently, i had signed up to a muslim matrimonial website. it was the first time i had done anything like this, so as you can imagine, i was extremely nervous. nevertheless, in my eagarly competitive stride, i set about writing my profile. i hadn't done anything like this before. and had no idea where to start. i could feel my heart beating fast. palms were sweaty. over what?? a little description about myself? surely it's like writing a cv, right? wrong. a LOT more people would be reading it. and they will be extremely critical and shrewd. since they would potentially be spending the rest of their life with me.

after spending an hour writing, then re-writing, i deleted what i had got and decided to start again. i didn't like what i had written about myself. it made me sound like a geek. haha.

then a brilliant idea came to me. the idea was that i was looking at this in totally the wrong angle. surely, this is a competition. now, i understand business and competition. i've got to look at who i am trying to target and make sure that i have what they want (translation: see what girls are after and make sure i have it). then i have to look at my competition and make sure that i am better than them so that i have a better chance of success (translation: check out the boys' profiles and make sure i am better in whatever way is possible - while telling the truth, obviously)

i felt like i was cheating the system. but in the world of business, i've learnt that you have to be tough against the competition!

so after looking at what girls were after (and making sure i put that in my profile if i could offer it) and looking at what the boys have to offer (and making sure i put that in my profile if i could offer it), i managed to compile a profile of myself which i was happy with.

i posted it. then i sat, watching the computer screen for several minutes. nothing happened. obviously. maybe there wasn't anyone online on that particular website. maybe my profile was rubbish. self doubt. anxiety. uneasiness overwhelmed me. i decided to check my profile out, just to make sure it was on the website. it was. after a couple minutes, i realised i couldn't expect people to just start messaging me straight away. that's a dream world. you see that kind of stuff in movies. surely that doesn't happen in real life. what an idiot i am!

then i realised, that since i am a man, i should kinda make the first move (that's how it goes, right?). so i scrolled through the profiles and picked one that i liked. this girl seemed like the girl of my dreams. i started to picture what she looked like, what she did in her spare time, where she lived and what she has done with herself... then i sent an automated message to say that i was interested.

i switched off my laptop and started to get ready for work. when i was ready, my phone beeped to tell me i had an email. i checked it out - and it was from that matrimonial website!! someone was trying to contact me. i quickly ran to my laptop in all excitement, and followed the link from my email to this website. i logged in. and it was a rejection message.

my heart sank. i'm not good enough, i thought to myself. i switched my laptop in anger and went to work. hopefully, work will take my mind off this whole ordeal.

now to link the two stories together.

for every job that i had gotten in my life, i had never been interviewed. each employer just rang me (through recommendation or otherwise) and just offered me a position. in some people's eyes, it would seem like i have an easy life. but what happens to a sportsman who never fails throughout his early career, then suffers a blow in later life? people start to say that this sportsman has lost his edge. that his career is ending. that he should give up while he has some reputation left. or even that he should have given up before his last competition.

that's how i felt. this feeling of defeat was instilled in my heart for what seemed like an eternity when i read the message that was sent back to me saying that she does "not wish to correspond further". i went to work straight away and i couldn't get my mind off that message. i replayed it over and over again in my mind and felt those crude emotions come back to me over and over again.

i had failed to get what i wanted. and it's not the kind of emotion that i would feel when i failed to convince my mother at the supermarket that i needed that chocolate bar when i was younger.

i started to analyse this whole situation and tried to figure out where i went wrong. was it my profile? was the girl not serious? maybe i'm not what she was looking for? maybe Allah (swt) is protecting me from a harm in the future which i cannot see? is it because i hadn't uploaded a picture on my profile?

i started to think about how i had gotten my jobs with so much ease, but failed to get a wife so easily. then i had an emotion which i had no felt before - i started to become slightly jealous of my friends who had applied for jobs and been rejected. i saw them bounce back up after receiving rejection letter after rejection letter after rejection letter. and i thought "how do they do that?"

since they had been rejected sometime in their career, it wasn't anything new if they were rejected for a position later on in their career. why? because they would often look at the possibilities that opened up for them through a rejection. my friends used to call up the employed/interviewer and ask them for feedback - ask them where they could improve themselves. and their tips worked. so rejection wasn't so much of a shock to them - they just dealt with it and moved on to bigger and better things.

in my position, however, it's not like i can email back the girl who rejected me and ask her how i can become a better man for her. that would be weird.

i decided that i should follow in the footsteps of my friends - time for positive thinking now. yes, i have been rejected. but so what. i need to learn how to handle a rejection. i've learnt that not everything falls in my lap. marriage is something that i have to work hard to get. the rewards are sweet - so the incentive is definately there. and there will definately be a hiccup or two on the way to the finish line.

so the next time i get rejected, i will take that as a positive. it would give me an opportunity to reflect. to improve. and i will be one step closer to marriage.

i got home that evening and immediately went back to my profile and made a few tweaks. i was determined not to fail. not in the first hurdle. and this is what i realised. first... hurdle. there are many hurdles that we have to jump over to get what we want. and we have to fail in the process. otherwise, the appreciation of whoever you have next to you is somwhat muted.

The First Experience - Part 2

Part 1

Could it be . . was what I was left with.

After looking at the possibilities, it was feasible.

I went to the drawing board and questioned my criteria’s. For example; would it would be acceptable to marry a non-practising potential?

I seemed to have an answer for every question.

It was now approaching the last couple of weeks of my time there. I debated continuously whether or not I should let her know.
I’ve always been the one to think with my brain. Heart is the weakness of man. We become irrational and make the wrong judgement.

My brain disagreed but my heart was curious. How curious?

To a point where it was the only thing on my mind.

Do I just ignore my feelings and go back home regretting it or do I just ask and know where I stand? I had to cure this curiosity.

I needed affirmation from various Muslim characters to make sure I wasn’t cracking up and I was looking for advice on where I stood on the issue. After various conversations, I was brought to a larger picture.

Deep down I had a feeling it would be extremely difficult if things did work out. I felt her outlook would haunt me. On the other hand it could turn out well – a partner for life. I felt a ‘no’ would put me at ease, cure my curiosity and allow me to move on. A yes would complicate things and create a whole new horde of problems.

This would be a decision I would have to live with for the rest of my life.

What was exactly my plan?

My plan was to let her know how I felt. Upon her response, if she felt the same way I would have to take that on board and then contact her family and get to know her properly over a course of time. Then make an informed, rational decision based upon on that.

If she said no then I would just move on. My curiosity would be cured. Win – Win.

Then there was the Don’t Know/Need time to think responses. I had thought about each outcome. I was prepared.

The choice was made to take action.

I had emailed her and she agreed to meet me at specified day/time.

The day had come. I was nervous yet so cool and chilled out. My trust was always with Allah for the best outcome.

When I saw her, I got that same feeling from the first feeling. We talked about various things such as the future and what our experience had taught us and how we would apply it when we returned to University. Naturally, I led the conversation and we talked about a lot of things.

I couldn’t believe how much time had pressed us during the conversation. We were 50 minutes into our meeting and I still hadn’t told her. I had to leave within 10/15 minutes in order to leave for Jummah. I didn’t quite know how to break it or at this point if I was going to break it at all.

She said “To finish on a final note, do you remember that guy . . ?”

I don’t know what happened but I just butted straight in and said “I don’t know quite how to say this, it’s extremely difficult as I’ve never said to anyone this but I really need to tell you something. Recently I’ve had feelings for you, feelings that I can’t yet quite describe. I just wanted to know, do you feel the same?”

Boom! A warhead was just dropped!

She just looked at me, absolutely mesmerised. There was a prolonged moment of silence.

Soft-sounded words were spoken ”Okay”. Silence had broke out again, she continued “But . . . it doesn’t change anything. We can still be friends. I’m still . . urm with him“.

I responded “I completely respect that and I don’t wish to interfere. The curiosity was killing me and I just had to know”.

There was another silence. I was then bombarded with questions, such as:

What?
Where?
How?
Oh my god – How long have you felt like this?
Why didn’t you tell me sooner?
I never saw you like that?

After my responses she then said she didn’t know. She couldn’t clarify what that meant.

She said the way I put everything was just so perfect, beautiful and sweet. She continued “You’re so good - Islamic, intelligent, attractive . . with everything going for you in life. I’m ‘bad’, why me?”

You can’t help who you fall for I said.

I asked her “What would your response have been if you weren’t in this situation?”

I retracted the question straight away. I asked her not to respond. I realised it was an extremely dangerous question to ask.

After clearing the air, we agreed to leave it that.

Upon returning to work after the weekend, it was my final week at the company. I received an email from her asking me if it was a joke. She sent another email saying things were difficult and I wouldn’t see more of her.

This was absolutely fine as it affected me in no way. What was done was done.

I had a presentation summarising my work and departure for my department/others. I had a surprise guest appearance – Hikmah! I was confused. She attended and spent the whole time look at a blank wall. She didn’t utter a word or make eye contact. I was confused. I didn’t question it.

Day before my leaving day, she turned up to my department again. There were a large number of colleagues in my department wishing me all the best for the future and I saw her. She was talking to people in my department she’s never talked to. She was stood a few feet away from me just staring blank at the floor. She was in a world of her own. I greeted her with salaam and left it at that.

I got a number of mixed messages from her. My thoughts were that she wanted me to pursue her. My heart wanted to. . My brain disagreed. Yes, I woke up.

My world is full of reality. My world is Islam. My work here was done. It was time to move on.

Minutes before my departure, I felt obliged to have the final say. I typed quite possibly the quickest email I’ve typed.

In Summary, I said:

“We’ll close this page of the book and inshallah it will benefit us both.

I learnt you were in a relationship as I told you I was under the assumption you was single due to . . I try to do stuff islamically – it’s my character and it’s who I am. I would never do anything to come in between people.

You said it wouldn’t change anything but it clearly has. Your body language spoke a million words.

Either way I’ve thought very long and hard about it – I was willing to sacrifice so much and it’s ultimately a price I was willing to pay.

Having gone past that stage –If you’re happy, stick with what you have and I hope Allah brings you and your family a lifetime of happiness.

You know I only see and wish the best in people. Please don’t take this anything other than positive.

We should leave it here and move on. You’ve taught me a lot – this experience has. It’s life – we all move on.”

At long last I felt at peace. I felt happy and ready to move on.

However, since moving back, the first few weeks were extremely difficult.

I felt really sad. Perhaps rejected? I had a number of dreams with mixed directions. Stupid little things started to get to me. Should I have kept in contact with her? Why didn’t I let her know sooner? Wasn’t I good enough for her? And it just went on.

Time is a healer. It’s now been 6 weeks since I told her. Since then I’ve had a lot to think about.

I cannot describe how blessed I am to be in this position. Allah truly works in mysterious ways.

Lessons learnt to be followed.

Geetar Hiro joins the cause

I'd like welcome Geetar Hiro to the wonderful world of blogging.

My long time brother from another mother is joining me on the search!

This means more content for you guys :)

Allahu Akbar!

What am I looking for?

i've told several people that i'm looking or marriage. i guess that was the first step. but the first question i am asked is always "what are you looking for in a wife?" (or something along those lines). then i would get into some sort of panic frenzy and think "what sort of question is that? are you trying to suss me out as to what sort of person i am?" so i keep the answer vague. "erm... she has to be islamic". (thinks: ha - stop trying to analyse me)

the real answer is actually "i don't know".

the fact is that i have been attracted to such a mix of different girls that i'm now not sure which sort of personality (or background) is most suitable for me. maybe it's all? maybe it's none. i once grew close to a sister who was not very islamic. but i liked her (and i was pretty sure she liked me). had feelings for her. felt like i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. and that freaked the hell outta me! not because i am scared of commitment or anything like that. it's because i could see myself falling for a girl who was not islamic.

all these ideas i have grown up started to overwhelm me with self-doubt. such as how Allah (swt) created partners for us - and that if you are good, then Allah (swt) will give you a partner who is good like you. and if you are bad, then Allah (swt) will send you a partner who, like you, is also bad.

i also felt emotions i had never experienced before. like my mind and my heart wanted different things. how can i have an interest in someone who is not islamic? is that normal? does that mean that i am really not islamic at all? i remember the days where i used to give the disapproving look to people who went for girls who weren't islamic. and then i found myself in that exact same position. and you can't help how you feel... right?

to cut a long story short, i prayed istikhara. and the signs were extremely bad. my feelings for her started to dissolve. and for some reason, they started to transform into dislike for her. i started to pick at the things which i didn't like about her - all those things that were cleverly disguised while i was lusting for this girl. and a couple weeks later, she took off her hijab. then my heart was filled with hatred for her. again, i had never felt such powerful emotions.

i took that as a sign. i need to look for someone islamic. and the answer to the first question i am asked after i reveal i am a marriage seeker, stays true. admittedly, still vague. but nonetheless, still true.

The First Experience - Part 1

Over this past year I was away working. I met somebody who changed my life.

It was last year after Ramadhan when I first met her.

Hikmah is what I’ll call her.

We first met after brief introductions. In our first conversation we were both exactly in the same boat feeling the same way. We both were over a hundred miles away from home, moving away for the first time. We were in similar positions wanting to achieve similar goals.

Hikmah was the only muslim female that I personally encountered in the city. She was also the only muslim female that worked in the same place over thousands of associates.

Given the situation, we both felt alienated and a little homesick. We bonded well on this basis. As time progressed we learnt more about each other.

Hikmah was a westernised, non-practicing muslim woman. She had an active ‘western’ social life. She felt strong about Islamic values but not enough to be practicing. She, like many others in the west was waiting for the ‘right’ moment to start. She was cheerful, intelligent and funny.

She used to approach me for advice and I treated her like a sister. She often approached me personal issues. She must have felt comfortable around in order to share.

One day she approached me and asked me not to get angry because we had the whole brother/sister understanding - she wanted some advice on her relationship. I told her honestly what I thought of the situation. I highlighted the problems and how islamically it wasn’t viable. She embraced the facts that I had presented to her and took my advice on board.

When she informed me that she’d like to embrace Islam and settle down. I realised what her goal was but her method was the completely wrong way of going about it. When I realised her intentions - I advised her strongly about marriage. She said it was her intent to do so in the future. The guy was a classic example of a player. She reassessed her situation and said she will have a long and hard think about it.

As the months went along, she’d drop a few emails here and there and in person whilst passing by we’d just exchange the mutual salam whenever we saw each other - kept it brief. Some months later she went abroad and I didn’t see her for a few months. Business was normal.

I was on route for a coffee break with my group of colleagues. Whilst walking, I saw Hikmah. I couldn’t describe what had happened. My heart just sunk. Butterflies . . everywhere.

We greeted each other. My surroundings were talking. I entered a lonely abyss. Questioning what happened. “SoulSeek . . what do you think?”. I was just completely lost – “Yeah” I said.

“Yeah? . . . . Were you even listening” I thought.

I was lost. Confused. What had happened?

This is crazy! I told myself. I continued . . no, no and no! I can’t have feelings for her. It’s not right! It just didn’t 'go'!

I convinced myself it was just lust and nothing else. I put it down to the fact that she was the only muslim female I had interacted with since I moved away.

I shared it with a close brother who also knew her and he said he saw it a mile off. He said we got on/clicked extremely well and I was overly protective over her (sub consciously?).

I tried avoiding this fiasco and I attempted to part with my feelings for a few months. Over this period, I avoided meeting her.

It did nothing for me. My feelings grew stronger.

I just couldn’t put my finger on it. She was attractive but not my type. What did I like so much about her?

I pondered.

I was then dropped the line “You can’t help who you fall for”.

I then pondered some more.

Why did he say that? That just kept playing with me. Did I really fall for her?

How can I fall for someone who’s extremely ‘brit-social’/not Islamic/away from my ideals?

Time progressed. The feelings had now grown to a point where I began contemplating “can it be?”

Could it be?

Part 2

Lets talk Parents & Marriage

Parental intervention is unavoidable. Especially when it comes to marriage.

I discussed various issues with my parents and they seem to change their mind regularly.

How so?

When I initially discussed with my parents they said understandably that it's a decision I would have to live with rest of my life with. My mother said she would be happy with any decision I make because my criteria is Islam and I'm apparently the most intelligent young man.

Now whilst the hunt is on, my parents can't help themselves but change the 'criteria' completely. She must be a Pakistani, who is from a specific village within a specific caste . . oh and a title would also be nice.

Ermm, hello?

After discussing with them, it's there to safe guard me and keep the family within the 'village from back home'.

Rubbish. I quite easily got the answer from my mother . . you see; pakistani women like to gossip a lot. She said she can't handle the way women back bite and trash talk people.

Now it's somewhat understandable. For me it's as simple as staying away from such people but living in a community where you're seen as 'the respectable family' it spirals into a world of ridiculous, petty talk. Haven't these people got nothing better to do? Clearly not.

I'll talk them around, wisdom shall persevere Inshallah!

Have you encountered similar?

How would you deal with your folks?

Muslim and Looking for Love

This programme was aired in the UK recently and I've only just caught up with it. It's definitely worth a watch!

This is pretty much what's wrong getting married in the west.

http://www.channel4.com/programmes/revelations/4od#2930924

The Egyptian guy made me cringe!